“Hi, Grandma.”
“Michael Phelps? Is that you?”
“Funny. Want to have lunch with your grandson?”
“Well, isn’t this a nice surprise. You finally have some time for me? Did your friends drown in the pool?”
“I thought you wanted me to have friends.”
“I do. You know I’m just picking on you. What do you want, In&Out?”
“You read my mind.”
When she got there, Grandma insisted they eat their cheeseburgers outside on the back patio. Solomon was sort of afraid he’d never get to be inside the house with his grandma again.
“What’s on your mind?” she asked, taking a bite.
“Nothing.”
“You haven’t called to invite me for lunch since you were fourteen. So, what’s buttering your biscuit?”
“What?”
“What’s bothering you. Context clues, Solomon. Context clues.”
“Sorry. Umm . . . I think I’m in love.”
“You’re kidding me,” she said, dropping the burger onto her plate. “With Lisa?”
“Clark,” he said with a shaky voice.
“Shut up!” she said, nearly shouting. “I can’t wait to tell my friends. I’m the first with a gay grandson; they’ll be so jealous.”
“Jealous?”
“Sweetie, come on. I’m hip. You think your grandma hasn’t been dancing in West Hollywood before?”
“You have?”
“The gays love me. I think it’s my accent.”
“It’s definitely your accent,” he said. “Anyway, so . . . yeah. Clark.”
“You can do better,” she said bluntly.
“No, Grandma. It’s not like that. He’s straight.”
“I see. This is what’s so complicated. You have to date and figure out who plays for your team. It must be exhausting.”
“I don’t want to hurt Lisa’s feelings, either.”
“Of course not. She’s been good to you, Sol.”
“I know.”
“You sure he’s . . . you know . . . not into you?” she asked.
“First off, please don’t say that. And, yeah, I’m pretty sure.”
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you. To me, it seems weird for a straight boy to spend all his time with a gay boy. But, just saying that aloud makes me think I’m completely wrong.”
“Me too.”
“Is he your best friend, Sol?” she asked. “Do you guys talk about everything?”
“Pretty much.”
“Then you know what you need to do.”
“Talk to him?”
“Exactly.”
“Thanks, Grandma. I think you’re right. I don’t want to lose him.”
“Just be careful, okay? Don’t get your feelings hurt too bad. We are who we are. You know that better than anyone.”
? ? ?
Solomon knew the second he told his grandma about being gay that it wasn’t a secret anymore. You’ll remember that she liked gossip about as much as Solomon liked Star Trek, so telling everyone had been his plan from the start. But how would he do it? How do you tell the two people who know everything about you that they actually don’t?
He walked into the kitchen and hopped up onto the counter, watching his parents chop vegetables in silence until they acknowledged him.
“What’s up, kiddo?” his dad finally asked.
Then this came out:
“Mom, Dad, there’s this episode of The Next Generation called ‘The Drumhead,’ and in it, this medical technician named Tarses is accused of sabotaging the ship. The investigator, this super hard-ass, then tells everyone that Tarses lied on his Starfleet Academy entrance application by saying he was one-fourth Vulcan when, in fact, he was one-fourth Romulan.”
“Fascinating,” his dad joked.
“Okay . . . where was I?” he looked all around, like the words were scrolling past him in the air and he was trying to read them. “Right. See, the Romulans. Oh boy, where do I even begin with the Romulans? Things aren’t great with them all the time, okay? There’s a lot of bad blood. And don’t be confused with the original Star Trek, because, in that series, the Romulans are always bad guys. And in the movie reboots, too. Did you guys see the movie reboots?”
“Yes,” his mom said, a confused look on her face. “You’re losing us, Sol.”
“Anyway, to be a Vulcan is just . . . it’s better, right? Because Vulcans are peaceful, and they’re all about logic and reason over emotion. But see the Romulans are all emotion. Passionate and cunning. It’s what fuels them. They’re always getting pissed and causing a lot of trouble. And, see, the writers were really smart because they created the Romulans to be a counterpoint to the Vulcans, but they made them share the same ancestry. It’s so complex. I could go on for days about it, honestly.”
“But that would be highly illogical,” his dad said in a robotic voice.
“Good one,” he said. “But, can you see where lying about being one and really being the other could get you into some trouble with the Federation?”