“No, Grant. I don’t know what you mean. All I know is that you made it perfectly clear that this was to be a one night stand, that it wasn’t going to go anywhere, that I shouldn’t get attached to anything, but then, right at the most intense moment, you want me to cry out husband. It’s a head game.”
“A head game? Lacey, I’m sorry if that upset you, but it was just a fantasy, like wearing a stewardess costume. It was role-play.”
“Husbands and wives aren’t role-play, Grant. That’s real life. That’s what women are allowed to expect. A fantasy is a hunky police officer handcuffing you to a chair at a bachelorette party, or a fireman grinding on his hose. Husbands? That’s reality. That’s what we’re allowed to hope for.”
“Hope for? Lacey. What are you talking about?”
Shit. What was I saying? I was making an absolute idiot of myself. I was giving away too much. I didn’t know what I was doing. All I knew was that my emotions were in a hurricane of confusion and I had better shut up if I didn’t want to say something I’d regret.
“I’m just saying, Grant, that maybe it’s not a good idea to play with girls’ feelings about marriage. I know you don’t want to get married, but that doesn’t mean you can just use the idea as a fantasy to play out. Especially when the person you’re playing with might think differently about marriage.”
“You’d get married?”
“I can’t believe you’re even asking me that. Of course I would. One day.”
“Oh, Lacey. Sorry. I had no idea.”
“What do you mean, you had no idea? Do you think I’m just some sort of slut who wants to sleep around for her entire life? Do you think I don’t deserve to hope for marriage one day with someone amazing?”
“Lacey, of course I don’t think that.”
“That’s what it sounds like.”
“No, I didn’t mean that at all. I guess I just never thought about it.”
“Why should it be such a big surprise for me to admit I’d like to get married one day? It’s perfectly normal.”
“You’re right. Of course it is. I guess, I don’t know. I’m sorry Lacey. I just assumed you felt the way I did.”
“And how’s that?”
“That marriage is a fraud. That it’s a fairy tale. That a sane adult should be more interested in finding out who they really are, than in tying the knot with some random person they happen to like having sex with.”
Tears formed in my eyes. It was so stupid. I knew Grant thought all those things about marriage. He was a good guy, but his ideas on family life were royally screwed up. It was the result of the horrible childhood he’d had to endure. I knew it all. It shouldn’t have shocked me.
But after what we’d just done. After making love, without a condom, and crying out husband and wife at climax, I couldn’t help take it all personally. It was as if he wasn’t just saying that marriage was a mistake, but that marriage with me specifically would be a big mistake.
I was crying. I was so embarrassed I could die.
“Would you mind giving me a few moments to get ready?” I said. “I’d like to freshen up before rejoining the party.”
“Lacey, I never intended to upset you like this. I’m really sorry.”
“I’m fine, Grant. Really.”
“Are you sure?”
I wiped my eyes. My makeup would be a complete mess but I had a compact.
“Of course I’m sure. I was being silly, that’s all. It happens after I make love. I get emotional.”
Chapter 10
Lacey
THINGS WERE AWKWARD BETWEEN ME and Grant after that. Actually, that’s an understatement. Things weren’t just awkward, they were excruciating. We avoided each other completely in the mansion, which wasn’t difficult given the size of the house. If I heard him in the kitchen, I’d order in from a local restaurant and eat in the dining room. If he was in the living area, I’d go up to my room. One morning, I was sitting by the pool and he came out and sat by himself at the other end of it. We just watched each other over our sunglasses and didn’t speak. It was weird. We’d been sharing the same home for years, and suddenly we were like two complete strangers.
Forrester and Grady noticed. They knew exactly what had happened. So much for it being a secret. They didn’t mention it, but there was sort of an unwritten rule among us that we wouldn’t sleep with each other. Or more specifically, that they wouldn’t sleep with me. My father had taken them in and we were supposed to all be a family.
Grant and I had broken that rule, and no one really knew what it meant. Maybe we’d all been living together for too long. It would be a shame if the Brotherhood drifted apart because of something stupid Grant and I had done, but we couldn’t all share a house forever, could we? It was one thing when we were in our twenties, but the brothers all had millions of dollars now, and didn’t need to be living in my house. Jackson had fixed up his father’s old vineyard and moved into it with Faith. Maybe the others would do something similar.