Hate To Love You

My eyes went back to him, and then Shay kicked my chair. My head snapped back to his, and he widened his eyes again. A second warning.

I frowned, scrunched my nose, and turned back to my book. Whatever. Fine. Geopolitics, my ass, though.

“Okay.” Linde waved a sheet that we were given earlier in the week. “Clarke, tell me similarities and differences between political institutions and behaviors from state to state.” My mouth dropped open, but he held his hand up and continued, “And between communities. Go.” He sat back, folding his arms over his chest.

A soft gurgle rippled up from my throat. “You’re serious?”

“You’re Ms. Planned, Perfected, and Prepared. You should be able to rattle this off with no problem at all.”

I opened my mouth again, flashing back to some notes I’d written earlier today, but one of the other football players spoke up, “This is the shit you’re learning in that class? Damn. I’m glad I kept to my gym major.”

A few others laughed, joining in with their own comments, and soon the four of us at the end of the table were no longer the center of attention. I had a feeling this was how it’d been before we showed up.

Linde pointed at me. “I’m waiting. Go.”

And I did, doing exactly what he challenged me to do. The answers fell from my tongue, and once I was done, his eyebrows were arched up to his forehead. He nodded, slowly, and whistled. “Boom. You nailed it. You get an A, as far as I’m concerned.” Grabbing his glass, he shoved back his chair and rounded the table for the kitchen.

I wanted to look.

I fought it.

I tried.

I failed. I snuck a peek over my shoulder.

My chair got another swift kick. Shay leaned forward and hissed under his breath, “Stop.”

Kristina, who had been reading her book, paused. Her eyes looked up to watch us.

I ignored her, leaning forward and whispering back, “My older brother had a problem. Sue me for caring.”

She leaned forward. “What are you guys talking about?”

“Nothing.” He spoke to her, but his eyes never left mine. He added to me, “I mean it. Stop. You’ve known him four minutes. You don’t get a say.”

“Then why’d you bring me here if you expect me to be oblivious to shit?” I hissed back.

“Because Linde asked.” His eyes darkened in anger. “Not me. Okay?”

Well.

Fuck.

Now I was even more concerned. I checked. Linde was still mixing the drink together. I lowered my head even closer to Shay’s. “Tough shit. You opened the door. Don’t expect me not to walk through it.”

His eyes narrowed. “What the hell does that even mean?”

I sat back, and letting my voice back to its normal level, I said, “If you wanted a dumb chick to study with, you fucked up. Becs and Aby have no problem being told what to think. Remember?”

Linde was coming back but paused behind us. “What’s going on?”

The rest of the table quieted, too. All eyes were on us.

I felt the heat of their attention and stood. “I’m feeling the need for some fresh air.” The path was blocked from my side, so I went around Linde, behind Shay, Kristina, and their side of the table. “Be right back.”

I wanted to let the door slam behind me but I caught it and closed it with a soft click, instead. A picnic table was on their back patio, and I slumped down on the far side of it, brought my elbows to the table, and I buried my head in my arms.

Why was I reacting so much? Even for me, this was more than normal.





The screen door opened and shut, but not before Shay pulled the inside door closed, too. He rounded the table to the opposite side where I was, but instead of sitting down, he leaned back against the post. Using his hands for balance, he kicked up and sat toward me, his long legs dangling. He hooked one foot around the picnic table, jerked it over, and rested his feet there.

This made him even more opposing in my mind, and as he crossed his arms over his chest, I averted my eyes.

Why did he bother me so much?

I didn’t speak.

He didn’t speak.

A full minute passed before he groaned. “Are you serious?” He let his arms fall back to his lap. “Are you this stubborn with everyone?”

“Are you?” I shot back, not hiding my own anger. “You came out here to apologize. What handbook says that I have to start that conversation?”

He snorted. “Who said I came out to apologize?”

I shut my mouth. Asshole.

He laughed quietly. “Relax. I did come out to apologize, but not really at the same time. You’re not dumb. It’s partly why Linde thinks you’re cool. You’re not like other girls.”

I motioned for him to go on. “I know the anticipation to tell me to mind my business is just burning inside you. Let it out. Let’s get on with this.”

Another half-laugh, half in surprise and half in amusement. He grabbed the back of his neck. “Fuck, you’re feisty.”

“Two brothers. One who got really messed up on that stuff, or stuff like what Linde is taking.”

“It isn’t steroids.” He grew somber, folding his arms back up again. “It’s to help him bulk up. A lot of the guys take it, and it is legal for them to do that.”

“It’s legal because some company paid some lobbyist to convince a Congress person to allow it. That’s why it’s legal, but it shouldn’t be. It can really mess with the body. He’s going to have problems long after his football career is done.”

His eyes darted to the house behind me, and he then held his hand up. “Chill, please. It really isn’t a problem for him. Some guys, yes. Not Linde. He’s going to stop taking it after football. I’ll make him, and besides, he’ll get upset if he knows that’s why you’re out here.”

I frowned. “Why does he think I’m out here?”

He shrugged, his lip lifting in a crooked grin. “That I might’ve touched your leg in a place you weren’t having it. Your friend knows I was lying, but the guys don’t. They think I came out to hit on you again.”

Hitting on me. I scoffed, but my body warmed at the same time, which pissed me off even more. This guy had power over me that I didn’t like, power over me that no other guy had had before. It was because he was Mr. Superstar at this college. That was all.

He affected other girls the same way. It wasn’t just me.

“What are you thinking?” He was watching me, wary again.

I shook my head, closing those thoughts down. “Nothing.”

“You have nothing to say about the guys thinking I’m hitting on you?”

“Nope.”

He whistled under his breath. “Thought that’d get some sort of reaction from you.”

“No.” My throat burned. I let out a breath and tugged at my shirt’s collar before casually smoothing down my sleeves. “We came to study, right? Maybe we should do that.” I stood. My legs felt like they were filled with lead.

His eyes narrowed, and he cocked his head to the side. “You’re lying to me right now.”

My eyes went to his.

He nodded to himself, the smolder melting into a smug expression, but it did nothing to lessen the impact he was having on me. If anything, it increased it.

I was really starting to hate this guy.