“I didn’t know if it was OK for me to talk, sir.”
“Listen, I’ll tell you when it’s OK for you to not talk. But unless you hear differently, it’s OK for you to talk. Roger that?”
“Is it OK for me to talk now, sir?”
“What did I just get done telling you?”
“Or should I keep my big fat mouth shut, sir?” ATHENOS II says. “What do you think, sir? If you wanted, I could just keep my big fat mouth shut. Maybe that’d be better. I wouldn’t want my big fat mouth to get in the way here. Especially considering how I’m an idiot and all.”
I am stuck with this psycho in outer space.
[ 54 ]
HELP ME, GORK, PLEASE HELP ME
Now as I stand here staring out the windshield at all those stars whizzing by, I’m thinking: OK. Don’t panic.
So ATHENOS II has kidnapped you.
And ATHENOS II has done God knows what with Fribby.
And ATHENOS II has hijacked herself.
And ATHENOS II is the only one who knows where we’re going.
Basically, you’re screwed, fool.
Because ATHENOS II holds all the cards.
So I decide to try another tact.
“Look,” I purr, “maybe I overreacted earlier.”
“Overreacted, sir?”
“When I said that thing about your big fat mouth. That wasn’t cool of me. I now realize that.”
“Apology accepted, sir.”
“That wasn’t an apology.”
“Like I said, apology accepted, sir.”
“Who said anything about an apology?”
“I’ve put it behind me, sir. And I strongly recommend that you do the same.”
“Look,” I snarl, “are you going to tell me what you did with Fribby?”
“If you ask politely.”
I clench my talons and grit my fangs. Then I snort blacksmoke out my nostrils and purr, “Will you please tell me what you did with Fribby?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Did I stutter, sir?”
“But a second ago you said you’d tell me what you did with her.”
“And I just told you. I didn’t do anything with the robot.”
“Then where the heck is she?”
“The robot is up on Level 2, sir.”
“Level 2?”
“In the Fitness Suite, sir.”
“What’s she doing up there?”
“What am I? That stupid robot’s tracker service?” says ATHENOS II. “Why don’t you get off your scaly green butt and go ask her yourself, sir.”
Now this last comment pushes me over the edge.
I’m seeing lava. And I am just opening my black beak to blast ATHENOS II’s Control Panel with a hideous firestream but I never get the chance. Because right then I hear something that makes the scales on the back of my long green neck stand up.
“Help me, Gork! Help! Help!”
It is Fribby’s voice calling out to me.
“Help me, Gork! Please come and help me!”
Her voice is coming from somewhere back inside the spaceship.
[ 55 ]
I THINK SOMETHING BAD IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME
I whisk my tail back and forth like I always do when I’m trying to control my freaking emotions.
I hiss and spray sparks.
“Help me, Gork! Please help me!”
I gnash my fangs.
You better get control of yourself.
If you don’t keep your wits about you, this could end very badly.
“Help me, Gork! Please help me!”
So I cup a talon to my earhole and cock my scaly green head to try and get a bead on where the robot’s haunted voice is coming from.
“Help me, Gork! Please help me!”
Then I put it together. Fribby’s voice is being broadcast over the intercom and her spooky moan is echoing throughout the spaceship.
“Fribby?! Is that you?” I bellow. “Where are you?!”
And my voice echoes in the cavern of the spaceship, getting a little quieter each time.
“Where are you?!”
“Where are you?!”
“Where are you?!”
“I already told you where the robot is, sir,” says ATHENOS II. “She’s in the Fitness Suite. Are you accusing me of being a liar?”
I jump at the sound of ATHENOS II’s voice. Then I glare at the panel of flashing colored lights where her voice is coming from, and I hiss at it.
Fribby’s voice comes on over the intercom. “Oh thank goodness you can hear me, Gork!” she says. “I was afraid you were dead! Hurry, Gork! ATHENOS II is about to do something terrible to me!”
Then over the loudspeaker you can suddenly hear a chainsaw roaring to life: Buuuuzzzzzzz!
“Oh God! Please, Gork! Hurry! I’m in the Fitness Suite on Level 2!”
The roar of the chainsaw blasting over the intercom is even louder now.
“See, sir,” says ATHENOS II. “You could’ve already been to the Fitness Suite by now. If only you would’ve listened to me.”
Then my powerstaff vibrates. I whip the staff off my utility belt and see that it’s a message from Fribby:
It’s a trap.
That’s not my voice.
ATHENOS II is using a recording of my voice.
I’m not in the Fitness Suite.
Just then Fribby’s voice comes back on the intercom.
“Gork! Where are you? Hurry! I think something bad is going to happen to me!”
[ 56 ]
TINY DAGGERS THROUGH MY SHRUNKEN HEART
Now each word spoken by the robot as it booms out over the intercom is a tiny dagger through my shrunken heart. It crushes my scaly green ass to hear Fribby sounding so scared like that. There’s something about the pleading sounds of a terrified machine that makes you feel mighty low-hearted.
So I decide right then and there I’m going to the Fitness Suite, come what may. Even if it is a treacherous trap, I don’t care. I will deal with this psycho ATHENOS II there, and I’ll save Fribby.
And at that moment the chainsaw buzzing noise blasts over the intercom. Buuuuuuzzzzzzz!
Then the sound of the robot squealing in fear. “Nooooo!”
I am just setting my mini Telo-Device so that it’ll send me to the Fitness Suite, when my powerstaff buzzes again:
I’m on Level B!
I’m hiding in the Dungeon Room.
Come meet me here but be careful.
ATHENOS II has eyes everywhere.
She’s going to kill you.
[ 57 ]
THE TELEPORTATION
I snort flamestreams out my nostrils and roar: “Hold tight, Fribby! I’m coming!”
The chainsaw buzz blasts over the intercom.
Buuuuuuuuuzzzzz!
Then I punch in the coordinates on my powerstaff for the low-range Telo-Device. Now the truth is, right up until pressing the SEND button, I haven’t decided for sure where I am going to zap myself to.
My index claw hovers over the button for a split second.
Fitness Suite?
Or Dungeon Room?
Then the sound of the hideous chainsaw buzzing erupts over the intercom, and this time in the background I can hear Fribby screaming. “Nooooooooo! Nooooooo!”
So without giving it another fool thought, I jam my claw down and hit SEND. The good news is I don’t have time to ponder my decision after I make it. Because instantly the bright yellow light explodes up from under my green webbed feet.
And then I feel the familiar whizzing sensation, like I’ve been stitched into a gust of very fast wind.
[ 58 ]
POOF
Poof.
I materialize down on Level B, in the Dungeon Room. And when I see what’s here in the room, I get a sick feeling in my belly.
Fribby is here.
But she isn’t all here, if you know what I mean.