I am going to Special Olympics with my Forever Dad. It is cold and dark.
When we get inside I see Rick right away. He is sitting by himself on the bleachers. We walk toward him and he stands up. I see Katie MacDougall and Brenda Richardson shooting hoops but I go right up to Rick and say, “Can we please talk about something?”
And Rick says, “I’m sorry, Ginny, but I’m here to say goodbye.”
I am confused. Goodbye is something you say when you are leaving. When you see someone you know you’re supposed to say Hey or Hi, how are you? instead. I don’t know why he said he’s here to say goodbye. I wait for him to explain.
“I need to go on a trip,” Rick says. “I have a big delivery to make down south.”
“Are you going to drive truck?”
Rick makes a breathing sound and smiles. “Yes, I’m going to drive truck. But I’m going to be away for a long, long time. So I wanted to give you something.”
And I say, “Is it a present with a giant freaking cat inside?”
Rick looks surprised. He looks at my Forever Dad and then looks back at me. “Not exactly,” he says. “It’s this.”
Then he hands me the present. It isn’t wrapped in wrapping paper. It is wrapped in a white-and-green bag that says Barnes & Noble on it instead. I take the bag in my hands and look at it closely. I shake it. It doesn’t make any sounds. I can’t guess what it is. But I know that I need to look excited so I open my mouth a little bit and smile and make my eyes big round circles. “What is it?” I say.
There are special kids bouncing balls and running all over the gym. “You’ll have to open it to find out,” says Rick.
My Forever Dad looks away and his eyes look up at the ceiling.
I open the present. Inside is a set of the Star Wars movies, Parts Four and Five and Six. I do not know where Parts One and Two and Three are. I start to ask him if he’s going to give me the first three movies too when he says, “I thought you should have the complete set.”
I want to tell him that it isn’t a complete set because the first three movies are missing but he keeps talking.
“Ginny,” he says, “I have to go now. You can send me emails, though. I’ll answer every single one. I promise.”
Then he puts his hand out to shake hands and I look down and shake it and then he hugs me. I do not recoil but I don’t hug him back. Because hugging back is like saying goodbye. Rick lets me go and moves back. “Shit, this is hard,” he says. He wipes his eyes. He nods to my Forever Dad and turns around and walks out of the gym.
When he is gone I look at the place where he was standing just seven seconds ago. I want to see him there again but I know he isn’t coming back. He’s going on a trip down south to drive truck.
I want to ask him about the respite. I want to ask him if he’s still going to pick me up from school on January 7th and bring me to his house.
“Dad?” I say in a soft voice. It is so quiet I almost don’t hear the words.
“What?” says my Forever Dad.
But I am not talking to him. I am talking to the only person who could bring me to the other side of Forever. To the other side of the equal sign. He is gone.
62
EXACTLY 11:33 IN THE MORNING,
FRIDAY, JANUARY 7TH
The bus didn’t come to get me at approximately 6:45 because there’s no school today. There was a snowstorm so school was cancelled which means no one goes there, not even the principal. I don’t know if the bells still ring when there’s no school. I don’t like it when school is cancelled. I don’t like unstructured time. That’s what Patrice calls it when there aren’t any bells or schedules.
I want to go out to play in the snow but my Forever Dad can’t take me yet. He has to finish cleaning up because my Forever Mom is upstairs with my Forever Sister. He cleans up all the time now. My Forever Mom will stay upstairs all day. It’s like she lives there.
I am trying to pick out a movie. I’m allowed to watch only one a day because I would watch movies all the time if no one said not to. My Forever Dad wants me to socialize more. He wants me to talk with them so that I can attach even though the only person to attach to now is him. Patrice says I still have a hard time with attachment.
But right now I’m having a hard time picking out a movie. It’s hard to pick one out because I have so many. I watched Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend on Monday. I watched The Princess Bride on Tuesday. I watched Madagascar on Wednesday. I watched Finding Nemo on Thursday.
Then I remember that Rick is gone. He isn’t going to pick me up today at school. Even if school wasn’t cancelled he still wouldn’t be there. My Forever Dad helped me understand. He said we don’t have any plans right now to reschedule the respite. Which means I’m not going up to Canada this weekend and my Baby Doll is all alone with Gloria.
It is too much to think about all at once. I want to scream. But someone will hear me.
I pick at my fingers instead. Then I pick up my quilt from my bed and hold it near my mouth and nose. My brain needs a rest so I turn around fast and grab the first movie I see. Return of the Jedi. It was on my dresser next to my Snoopy pad and my Michael Jackson pocket calendar.
I hold the DVD case and close my eyes. I remember that Samantha and Bill had Return of the Jedi but I’m not in their house right now. When I was there I had a Forever Sister named Morgan who pushed me and pinched me a lot when no one was looking so I pooped on her rug and wrote Please stop hurting me Morgan on the wall in her room and put the rest in her heat register. Dealing with Morgan was really tedious. I was there for only three months before that happened. Then the police came to take me away.
I sit down on my bed and open up Return of the Jedi and take the DVD out. A small piece of paper falls on my bed. Its edges are ripped and it has three blue lines on it which means it’s from a piece of notebook paper. I pick it up and look at it carefully. I don’t see anything on it. I turn it over and on the other side there is some writing.
It is a phone number.
The number is 555-730-9952 and underneath it is the letter G.
I look at it hard. I put it up close to my eyes. Then I understand.
I am holding Gloria’s phone number.
Which means Rick is still helping me even though I didn’t get to talk with him about going up to Canada. Because now I can call Gloria myself. I can tell her that her secret plan isn’t half bad. I can tell her that we can go up to Quebec where it’s pretty easy to disappear. She just has to find someone else to come give me a ride so she won’t get caught because that would ruin everything. And I have to tell her not to send any more presents or pizzas or anything else. And to just hold on a little longer and not hit my Baby Doll. All I need is a phone and a quiet place so I can tell her.
555-730-9952