When Officer Joel leaves my Forever Parents come back into the living room. My Forever Mom takes my Forever Sister back from Grammy and gives it a hug. Everyone always says it’s so cute.
My Forever Dad sits down on the couch. He looks at me and I look at him and then I say, “Merry Christmas! Can I open the big present now?”
And he says, “Ginny, the big present isn’t here, remember? Besides, it wasn’t for us. Whoever left it at our house must have made a mistake.”
I don’t say anything back to him. He isn’t telling it straight. He is lying. He never lied to me before. This is the first time. He is trying to keep me safe, I’m guessing, but now I know I can’t believe what he says.
“Can we open some presents then?” I say.
“Yes, of course we can,” he says back. And then he hands me a big box wrapped in blue wrapping paper with white snowflakes and a white ribbon. I put a big smile on my face and open it anyway.
59
EXACTLY 11:05 IN THE MORNING,
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 26TH
I was right. The big present was for me. It was from Gloria. I know because I was being very quiet and making no noise at all while my Forever Sister was sleeping and my Forever Mom was talking on the phone even though We don’t listen to other people’s phone conversations. I heard her stop talking and then I saw her look into my room but she didn’t know I was in the living room and she put her hand near her mouth and she said, “It was a stuffed animal—a giant cat. Can you believe it? A giant freaking cat! After everything that happened—talk about having no sense!”
Then she stopped talking. Sometimes when you’re on the phone you have to wait for the other person to say something. Then she said, “Of course not. Brian put it in the shed that same night and then drove it to the dump the next day. We didn’t want to bring it to Goodwill because the mother might see it there. You never know. She shops at places like that.”
And my Forever Mom is right. Gloria does shop at places like that. She once brought me to the Goodwill store to find new boots. And we found them for exactly $2.95. Gloria didn’t have enough money with her to buy them so she made me ask an old lady and the old lady got the boots for me. I was so excited I put them on right there and gave the old lady a hug. And Gloria cried a little which made me confused because I liked the boots. Boots that were black with pink fringe at the top. That was when I was really little. It’s hard to remember now.
But I want that giant freaking cat. Because it is a message from Gloria. Plus there’s the letter. She is trying to tell me that she won’t give up. I want to get her message and send her one back that says, You have to be careful or you’re going to get caught. Just wait for me to talk with Rick at the respite and then we can make our plan to run away up to Canada.
I am angry because I can’t tell my Forever Dad about all these things. I want to talk with him and tell him how I feel but I can’t because he wants to keep me safe. I want to yell and complain and say Well dang! But I can’t. Because if he knew what’s in my brain then he would know that I was sneaking and listening to phone conversations which I’m not supposed to do. I’m going to have to do a lot of things now that I’m not supposed to do and they’re going to make me really anxious but I have to do them anyway because my Baby Doll is probably getting abused and neglected like I was and I have to stop it.
60
EXACTLY 8:23 AT NIGHT,
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 31ST—NEW YEAR’S EVE
It is New Year’s Eve. Grammy and Granddad and Uncle Will and Aunt Jillian and Uncle John and Aunt Megan are all here at the Blue House. And Rick. All of them are wearing funny hats and I am wearing one too. My hat is like an upside-down ice-cream cone. It is red with silver writing on it that says Happy New Year.
For dinner we all had Chinese food. Uncle Will brought two big bags that were brown like the ones in the grocery store and inside them were exactly six big plastic rectangle containers with covers and five white containers with little metal handles. I had chicken on a stick and beef on a stick and little red ribs and something that looked like brown spaghetti and some crab Rangoons and chicken fingers. Then my Forever Mom made me eat some broccoli and pea pods. I don’t like vegetables, mostly. And after that I had to take a break, she said. Because “We don’t want a repeat of Christmas Eve, do we?”
All the food containers and lots of extra napkins and plastic forks are still on the table. My Forever Dad keeps looking out the window every few minutes or so. It is like he’s waiting for Santa Claus or something so I say to him, “Don’t you know that Santa already came? This is New Year’s Eve.”
He doesn’t answer so I know he’s looking for Gloria.
Now I’m sitting on the floor at the coffee table in my jammies with Aunt Megan and Aunt Jillian and Rick. Rick has a drink with lots of ice in it. We are playing a game called Yahtzee. I like it because when you roll the dice you get to look at the numbers on them and count them. The game comes with a special pad with places on it to write down your score. And sometimes you get to yell, “Yahtzee!” really loud and then one of my Forever Parents gets to say, “Shh!”
In the driveway I see lights which means someone is here.
I’m scared because if it’s Gloria she might get caught. But she might have my Baby Doll with her so I jump up and look and I see a car there but I can’t see who’s in it because the headlights are shining in my eyes. I look away fast and shut my mouth and put my hand over it so no one can see inside.
Then I hear Aunt Jillian say, “Ginny, why are you covering your mouth?”
And Aunt Megan says, “Brian?”
But I am sitting down again with my mouth shut tight. I look away from the window and take my hand away. I see my Forever Mom holding her cell phone and my Forever Dad is standing at the window again and Rick and Uncle Will and Uncle John and Granddad are standing at another window and the bright, bright lights are shining into the house from outside. It is like Forever is shining at us. It is trying to burn through the walls with big laser beams.
“It’s a car,” says Uncle Will.
“What color is it?”
“How the hell should I know? It’s pitch-dark, and there are lights shining in my face.”
Uncle Will looks out the window again. “White, I think.”
Then there’s a knock at the door.
My Forever Dad opens it. It is a pizza man. I know because he is carrying a pizza. And I know exactly what kind it is because I can smell it. “Can I help you?” my Forever Dad says.
“I’m here to deliver a pizza,” the pizza deliveryman says.
“I’m sorry, but we didn’t order one.”
“It’s for Ginny,” says the pizza deliveryman. “And it’s already paid for.”
“Excuse me?” says my Forever Dad.