“He didn’t tell any of us, Mila.” Cody held me close. “We didn’t know. He had cancer. He’s had it for a while.”
“He’d tell me.” I screamed. “He’d tell me because he loves me. I mean the world to him. He would never keep a secret from me. “He loved me.” I whispered, my body shaking as Cody held me. “How could he die and not tell me?” I muttered into his chest as I sobbed. We sat there for what seemed like hours and then I stood up and walked into the living room. I tried to smile. I tried to feel happy for the life that he’d had, but I couldn’t. I sat down on the couch and waited for Cody to walk into the living room behind me.
“I want to see Nonno.” I said quietly. “I want to see him.”
“Not today.” He shook his head. “He split his head open when he fell. Mom and dad want him taken care of properly before you see him.”
“I want to see him.” I said louder. “I need to see him, Cody.”
“I know you want to see him.” He walked over to me. “But you don’t want to see him like this, Mila. You want to see him as the man that you know and remember. He wants you to see him as the man he was.”
“How could he leave me?” I chewed on my lower lip. “He wasn’t supposed to die. Not now, not with me not even knowing. Not with me not even being there. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I didn’t even get to tell him about me and TJ.” I chewed on my lower lip as I thought about TJ. It almost felt wrong to be so happy about TJ when I was so distraught over Nonno.
“What about you and TJ?” Cody asked, his eyes narrowing.
“It doesn’t matter.” I shook my head. “But we’re in love, really in love.”
“Finally.” Cody said with a smile. “It took him a while to figure it out.”
“Yeah.” I sighed and then looked at Nonno’s photo album on the table and picked it up. “I guess he’s with Nonna now.”
“They’re dancing around in heaven looking down at us.” Cody said as I opened the photo album and we started looking at the photos of Nonno and Nonna and other family members.
“I can’t believe he didn’t tell me.” I said, tears pouring from my eyes. “I’m going to miss him so much.”
“He loved you with everything, Mila. He’ll always be here you know.” Cody said and rubbed my back. “He’ll always be here, protecting us, like a guardian angel.”
“I don’t want him to be my guardian angel.” I sobbed. “I just want him to be my nonno.”
***
“TJ.” I answered the phone, crying.
“Oh Mila.” He sounded anguished. “I just heard the news. I’m so sorry.”
“I can’t believe he’s gone, TJ. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t believe it. I don’t know how I can survive.”
“He fought the cancer as hard as he could, Mila. He’s tried his hardest. He didn’t want to hurt you.” TJ’s voice was sympathetic. “Where are you? Let me come and be with you. Let me hold your hand. Cry on my shoulder. I want to be there for you.”
“How did you know he had cancer?” I asked softly. “And how do you know he fought his hardest.” My heart felt cold as I waited for his answer.
“Mila.” He said, his voice breaking.
“TJ, answer me.
“Mila, let me come and see you please.”
“Did you know he was dying?” I asked, my voice in my throat. “Did you know Nonno was dying and you didn’t tell me.”
“He promised me not to say anything. He didn’t want you living with that fear and dread. He didn’t want you to know. He thought the wait would kill you. He thought it would be agony.”
“You promised, no more secrets. We promised each other to only tell the truth. You promised me, TJ.”
“I couldn’t tell you, Mila. I just couldn’t.”
“I loved him more than anything in the world. You knew that. He died while we were away. I wasn’t even here to be with him. I’ve barely seen him the last month because of you and you knew he was dying.”
“Mila, I tried to get you to see him. I wanted to tell you, but Nonno, he didn’t want you to know.”
“How could you keep that from me, TJ?”
“I love you, Mila. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“You don’t know what love is, TJ. You lied to me again. You have ripped my heart out. I have lost the only man that has loved me more than life itself. How could you do this to me?” And then I threw my phone across the room and watched as it hit the wall and fell to the ground and exploded into a million pieces, just like my heart.
Chapter Fifteen
Mila