She smiles sadly. “Promises don’t mean anything. They’re just words. You’ll walk away eventually. They all do.”
And with that last parting jab, she’s gone.
I guess that’s her answer.
Thirty-four
Axelle
“Are you sure you don’t want to be here?” My mom’s voice sounds in my ear, intensifying my guilt. “If you hurry, you’ll make it in time to catch the announcement.”
“I’m sure. I have a feeling after our talk yesterday he wants nothing to do with me, and I can’t be there when he announces he’s leaving.” It’ll destroy me.
Not that I’d blame him though.
I’d acted like an immature idiot yesterday after we had sex. I ended up stomping straight to my car and calling Vanessa, asking her to cancel my last two appointments, claiming I was sick.
Which was true.
I felt like crap after the way I’d treated Killian.
From the moment we met, he’s been my biggest defender, my protector, and after all he’s done for me, I put him in the same category as men like Stewart, Trip, and Clifford.
If he doesn’t hate me, he should.
I hate myself enough for the both of us.
I half expected him to call or text last night, but he never did. I finally ended up texting him at midnight, apologizing, begging his forgiveness, and asking him to give me another chance. My finger hovered over the Send button when I remembered something he’d said after we’d had sex, as he so callously put it.
I never should’ve listened to you when you told me to go.
If he’d stayed, he wouldn’t be “Quick Kill” McCreery, whose face is gracing the covers of magazines, websites, and every sports network from here to the UK. So do I love him enough to follow through and do what I know is best for him? Or do I hit “send” and allow the one person who’s managed to fill the emptiness every man has ever left behind walk away from his dreams.
For years, he loved me and protected me so I could spread my wings and find my way. I owe him no less. He deserves to be successful, and I’ll have to be content to watch it from afar with the knowledge that for a brief moment in time I had it all. I had his love, his devotion, his time. I owned his heart.
It was on this thought that I didn’t hit “send.”
“So if you’re not coming to the press conference, what will you do?” There’s fear in my mom’s voice, probably from years of watching me drown my problems in booze and random guys.
“I’ll walk around The Miracle Mile shops. Probably grab a bite to eat. Don’t worry about me.”
“I’ll always worry about you.” She sighs. “But especially on…this day.”
I’m grateful she doesn’t say the dreaded V-word. “I’m good. I promise.” My own words flash through my head. A promise is just a word; it doesn’t mean anything. True in this case, because I’m far from good. “I’ll see you at home tonight.”
“Okay, love you.”
“Love you too, Mom.”
I hang up and shove the phone in my purse. The sun is out and warms my shoulders as I pass by shops and restaurants, running my gaze along it all but not seeing what’s in front of me. Instead, my friendship with Killian plays like old home movies behind my eyes.
“Hey…” The kid pushes his shaggy brown hair off his forehead. “I’m Killian.”
I’m sweating, holding my hair off my neck, and panting to catch my breath after the string of curse words I just spewed here in the high-school parking lot. “Elle.”
He pushes his black-rimmed glasses up his nose and studies the broken down Bronco piece of crap. “I don’t mean to be presumptuous. You seem like a capable female, but I can’t help but notice your Millennium Falcon seems to be on the fritz.”
“My what?”
“Star Wars humor.” A blush colors his cheeks and he grins. “Do you need some help?”
I chuckle. I can’t help it. The guy is adorable. “Yeah, I could use a ride.”
“Sure.” His eyes, the color of iced tea, fix on mine. “I can do that.”
I trusted him immediately, and not one time did he ever give me a reason not to. He was the safest boy I ever knew. Even scrawny with his thick-rimmed glasses, I knew he’d do everything in his power to keep me safe. He guarded me and my heart with all the ferocity of a fearless warrior.
The group of guys I recognize from school surround the table Killian and I are sitting at. They’re holding up their phones, laughing, just like they have been from the moment I walked in the coffee shop.
Killian’s been growing tenser, and now that we’re surrounded, his hands are balled into fists, and he’s staring down at his coffee in front of him.
“Elle, right?” The biggest guy gets so close I lean away to keep him from touching me. “You’re new.”
“Yeah.”
Killian looks up at me from beneath his eyelids.
“I was wondering…” His friends at his back all choke on their laughter. “You wanna go out with me?”
“Oh, um…” Usually I’d be flattered that the most popular guy in school asked me out, but the way he’s snorting on his withheld amusement proves this isn’t a genuine invite.
“Back off, Watkins.”