“Nor and the girls?”
I clear my throat and have to look away, focusing instead on what’s going on outside the window in Josh’s room. The curtains have been drawn and the orange light of the setting sun filters through the glass. A flock of birds fly by? swooping low in unison before disappearing out of sight. “They are waiting outside.”
His shoulders droop as if relieved. Wetting his cracked lips, he lifts his hand and waves me toward the bed weakly, like a king urging his subject to come closer.
I roll my eyes, and I have to fight the urge to laugh. “Yes, your high assholeness.” I sit on the chair that has become a fixture next to the bed.
He smirks, but flinches when he moves slightly to adjust his body. “I might as well take advantage of this. Besides, you can’t deny I look good ordering your ass around.”
I chuckle, shaking my head.
He shrugs. “They shot me with more painkillers, dude. I’m high as a kite right now.” He grins lopsidedly.
He looks down at his intertwined fingers and when he raises his head back up, the bliss on his face has been replaced with an urgent, desperate look. “We need to talk before Nor and the girls come in here.” He takes a deep breath and I wait, my hands automatically fisting on my thighs. “Doc says my body is shutting down.” His speech has considerably slowed down in the few minutes I’ve been in here. “I can feel it. So I need to talk to you before I’m too weak to say shit.”
“You just had to go out with a bang, didn’t you?” I ask, blinking hard to stop the damn tears from falling.
His shoulders shake as he chuckles. “It was the only way to get you to listen.”
He tries to sit upright, but his body buckles beneath his meager weight. I stand up and help him, adjusting the pillows to support his head and back, then start pacing beside his bed without taking my focus off of him. I’m too anxious to sit down.
Questions are fighting for release in my chest but one look at Josh makes me stop. I watch his head roll back and his eyes fall shut. His face contorts as if he’s in pain, and when he opens his eyes again, they are damp with tears.
His chest expands and contracts as he struggles to take air into his lungs. Finally, he runs his tongue along his cracked lips, and levels his gaze at me.
“Remember when Nor moved in next door?” Josh waits until I nod before he continues. “I have never seen you look at anyone like that, Cole. You looked at her like she was your world, like you had the ability to look into her past, her pain, her future. Your future. With little ColeNor brats waddling around in diapers.
“Please. . .just don’t judge her. Listen to her first, okay? You know Nor. You know her heart. And you know she would’ve never done anything to hurt you. She would have done everything in her power to keep you safe, just like you would have for her, which you did. You two are simply crazy. You’d rather get killed while trying to save each other.” His face is flushed from exertion. A bout of coughing interrupts his words. “She’s still in love with you.”
His chest is rising and falling fast. “Take care of her and the girls. Please promise me that, Cole. Be there for her. Our girls will need you when I’m gone. Nor has been waiting a lifetime for you. If there’s anyone to blame, please blame me.”
“Okay. Okay. I blame you, okay? Just calm down, please. I’ll take care of her,” I say desperately, but then the words I just committed to resound in my ears. “No. No. Nor is your wife. You can’t ask me to do that. I’ll make sure they’re okay. Every day. But my life is in New York, Josh. I can’t. . .” I try and fail to gather my words. My thoughts. This is insane. He is insane.
Wiping my eyes, I glance back to the bed, to the body that was once muscular. Healthy. Strong. Now mere bones held together by skin.
I shuffle back to his bedside and reclaim my seat. Lifting my hands, I sign, “God, Josh. She is your wife—”
He jerks forward using most of his strength and grabs my hand, clutching it in desperation. “Only in name and by law. But her heart. . .it has never belonged to anyone but you. She still loves you. Always has. I want someone. . .not just anyone. . .you. I want you to be there when I’m gone. I want you, no. . .I need you to be the one she falls back on when I’m gone. Please.”
I blink hard as tears burn the corners of my eyes.
Why did I hold onto my anger for so long? I’ve missed so many opportunities; time I would have spent with the people I love.
He squeezes my hand, his eyes intense. “I know what you are thinking. Don’t live your life in regret and blame. The past happened and there’s nothing you or I can do to change that.”
Josh drops my hand and curls into a ball as a series of coughs threaten to tear his already wasted body into pieces.
God, no!