I sigh, cursing myself for the harsh words. Her touch combined with the way she looked at me in the hospital and everything she said has me on edge. My body is coiled tight, and even an innocent touch from her can set me off. I don’t need any kind of distractions right now. I can’t afford to tangle myself up in emotions that will only end up hurting me. Us.
By the time I pull up in front of the house, Nor has already dozed off in her seat. I study her face, so peaceful and carefree in sleep. Her mouth is parted and her eyes flicker behind the lids. A small frown appears on her head. Her lips move quickly, then stop before she settles back into sleep.
I shake my head to get rid of those stupid feelings balled up in my chest and focus my gaze on the two-story house. Clenching my hands around the wheel, I inhale deeply to calm my fucking heart. I’m about to meet my daughters, who don’t know that I’m their father. SHIT. I understand Nor’s point of view, but it still hurts like a motherfucker. I wish the girls and I were meeting under different circumstances.
I get out of the truck. After scooping her up from the seat, I adjust her in my arms, kick the door shut and stride up the little path that leads to the house. Every step, bringing me closer to my daughters. The door flies open all of a sudden. Nor’s sister, Elise ducks her head out, eyes wide when she sees me, followed by a huge grin. She pushes the pink dyed strands of hair away from her face.
Good to know she hasn’t lost her sunny disposition. Nor will definitely need her sister if. . .when Josh leaves us.
“Oh my gosh. Cole! When did you arrive?” Her entire body radiates joy. That smile disappears when she sees her sister in my arms. “Is she okay?”
I glance at Nor. “She’s fucking exhausted. She needs to lie down for a few hours.”
Elise ushers me in. I follow her upstairs and down a hallway with polished wooden floors and walls painted in a soft pink, completely different from the floral wallpapered walls her grandmother had when I last visited this house. We enter a room, which I assume is Nor’s. A double bed sits in the middle of it and I stride forward and carefully lay Nor on top of the bed. I slip her shoes off, reach for the folded blanket at the foot of the bed and cover her petite frame.
Standing inside this room, knowing that Josh and Nor spent their time in here, Josh touching her, Nor groaning in pleasure, tears me apart. I startle when Elise touches my shoulder, then she’s pulling me into a hug.
“It’s so good to see you Cole.”
I smile at her as we walk out of the room. “Same here.” We head back downstairs and into the kitchen where my steps falter and my heart literally stops beating at the sight in front of me. The lump in my throat is growing bigger by the second.
Joce and Cora.
My daughters.
I inhale deeply, that action kick starting my heart and it beats fast. So fast I feel like I’m losing my breath.
The picture in my pocket didn’t do them justice.
Elise once again touches my arm, her eyes full of understanding, and it makes me feel that she somehow knows what’s running through my head. She stares into my eyes as if to warn me or pass on an important message. “Girls, I’d like you to meet Cole.”
The girls stop whatever they’re doing and look up, and then walk towards us, their eyes all sorts of curious.
“I know who he is. Uncle Cole,” one of the girls signs, grinning wide. “Mom and Dad talked so much about you but they never said you’d be so tall.”
In that second, I die a million deaths. My fucking heart crashes to my feet, shattering into a million worthless pieces.
Uncle Cole.
I flex my hands at my sides as regret threatens to choke me. I ignored all those letters Nor sent me because of my stupid pride and rage. Then anger fills my veins. How could I have known we had kids together? I don’t even know where to find my balance on this issue.
Seeing them with my own eyes, it hits me all over again how identical and pretty they are; their waist length red hair, bright gray eyes, all the way down to the cute dimples on the right side of their cheeks.
“That’s Jocelyn over there.” Elise touches her hand on the shoulder of the girl clutching a copy of Charlotte’s Web close to her chest. “And that’s Cora.” She gestures at the hyper girl, who is hopping on her feet, hardly containing her excitement.
I dart a glance between them and see the subtle difference. Joce is slightly taller than Cora. I sigh, relieved that I’m able to tell the difference between my daughters.
Jocelyn shakes my hand and signs, “Mom and Dad call me Joce, so you can call me that too. It’s great to meet you Uncle Cole.”
“It’s very nice to meet you, Joce,” I tell her. Her lips lift into a small smile, then she shuffles toward the couch and sits down primly. Then Cora throws herself at me with her entire weight, hugging my waist. And in that moment, every negative emotion fades. I’m filled with wonder and awe and love as I hold my daughter.
Elise turns to me and says, “The girls are amazing at signing.”