“You’re right, I don’t.” I pretend I’m going to drop her, and she squeals and tightens her grip around my neck, burrowing her head into my chest.
“Hey!” she says playfully. “Not funny.”
I take my time walking up the vast staircase. I want to savor our connection as long as I can. We reach the first guest room on the left, and I open the door. A large king-sized bed is across the room in the center of the wall. Pillows are piled high, and the oversized down comforter looks so inviting.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been in this room,” she says as I carry her toward the bed.
“I’m not sure I have either.” I chuckle. The house is huge, and this is one of nine bedrooms on this floor. “I’m not sure anyone has.”
I know Peggy keeps all of the rooms in pristine shape, so the sheets and bedding are clean and fresh, regardless if the door has ever been opened to anyone else.
I pull back the covers with a free hand and slowly lower her onto the bed. She stares into my eyes as I reluctantly place her down. She is casting a spell on me, and I don’t want to leave her. Her eyes are heavy and I know she’s tired, but I don’t want to let her go. I release her and lean over her to grab one of the spare pillows. I brush against her breasts and she shudders.
“You cold?” I ask, knowing she’s reacting to me.
“A little,” she whispers.
I gently raise her foot and place the oversized pillow under it. “Try to keep it elevated, okay?” I say and reluctantly remove my hand from her leg.
“Okay,” she says and closes her eyes. I pull the covers over her, but not before I take in the beauty of her entire body. Long, lean legs. Perfectly toned. Narrow hips and soft, toned stomach. Her breasts are small but full, leading to an elegantly long neck. I lick my lips, trying not to act on my urges.
“Goodnight,” I say, forcing myself to leave the room.
“Good luck,” she says and turns onto her side.
I rush downstairs to grab the cooler from the counter and return to the second floor. I change my shirt before I head back into Kai’s room. He’s fussing in his crib but not crying.
“Hey, little dude,” I say as I approach the crib. He’s staring at the stuffed Dalmatian intently. He’s still swaddled so tight. I’m amazed. He grunts when I pick him up and continues to squirm in my arms. After I struggle through another diaper change, we settle into his chair so I can feed him. I’ve only done this a few times completely on my own, and I’m suddenly terrified.
What if he cries again? Or chokes?
What if I can’t handle this?
I loosen his blankets and adjust him in my arms. He takes the bottle immediately and begins sucking it down like I’ve never seen him do before. Before I know it, the bottle is gone and he’s been burped successfully several times. He’s passed out on my shoulder, and I begin rocking the chair slowly back and forth.
As I close my eyes, I relive the mistakes I made today. I vow to keep Sam at a comfortable distance so I don’t scare her off. I also vow to keep the booze locked up, at least for a while. I inhale deeply and for once, I don’t smell spit-up or sour milk.
Today was a good day.
SOFT SNORING WAKES ME UP and Kai is still out cold. He’s warm and nestled tightly into my chest. But the snoring isn’t coming from him. Did I imagine it?
I open my eyes further and see Sam asleep on the bed across from me. I also notice that an extra blanket is draped over me and Kai. She’s curled up on her side, and her foot is resting high up on a pillow. Her mouth is open slightly and soft noises escape her perfect lips.
I could stare at her like this forever. I’m holding my son and Sam is here with us. I take a mental picture of our unconventional ‘family,’ and I don’t want this ever to end. I don’t know how we wound up here, together, but it feels right, and I will do what I can to protect this moment. Bottle it up so I can remember the peace that I feel right now. With Kai. With Sam.
Kirsten’s words from not too long ago ring in my ears.
Love will find you at a time and place when you least expect it.
Sam