She leans back and props a pillow underneath her head. She’s staring at the ceiling, I’m sure contemplating what insults to hurl my way.
“I don’t know what came over me. I shouldn’t have kissed you,” I apologize again as I carefully hold the ice in place. I look down at her feet and admire how cute they are.
“Don’t look at my feet. They’re gross. I haven’t had a pedicure in months, and I can’t imagine what they look like right now.”
“They’re not bad, considering you just dropped a ten-pound box of formula on one of them.”
She takes a deep breath and tries to stretch out her injured foot. “I should probably go to urgent care or something.”
“Let’s see if the swelling goes down with the ice on it,” I suggest. I don’t want her to leave. “Besides, it’s your driving foot, and I’m sure you won’t be able to get anywhere on your own.”
She looks over at the clock on the wall, and we both notice it’s after ten. “It’s too late to call Peggy,” she says and shifts a little on the couch.
We sit in silence for a while, and I say, “I’m an asshole.”
“Yes, you are,” she replies through a smirk.
“Tonight was really weird for me. After I calmed down Kai, I felt invincible. I almost convinced myself that if I had to, I could do this on my own. I stared at him in his crib, looking peaceful and calm, and it felt good. I was proud of what I could accomplish. You gave me that strength.” Her eyes soften and she smiles.
I realize I’m rubbing her foot softly, and since she’s not complaining, I keep doing it.
“Then I started to panic, thinking about everything and anything that could possibly go wrong. I pictured him screaming and crying in pain again and I felt helpless. I’m not a father. I can’t be a good father. I freaked out and came downstairs to calm down. That’s just before you came in. My emotions were high, and I’m sorry I grilled you about D—I mean Richard.”
She tilts her head so she can look at me. There’s pity on her face, and I don’t like that look. “You did great tonight, Garrett. Seriously. And you did this on your own. I didn’t give you anything you didn’t already have inside yourself.” I want to tell her how wrong she is.
She tries to shift and move her foot.
“Stay still before you hurt yourself more,” I scold her and hold her foot firmly in place on my lap. “For a nurse, you sure are a difficult patient.”
She nods her head. “Yes, I always have been.”
We sit quietly for a few more minutes, and she speaks again.
“Richard means nothing to me, just so you know. I went out with him as a favor to Marcie. He’s her cousin. She’s been bugging me for months. Now who’s the asshole?” She takes a deep breath and her eyes soften. “I’m sorry I missed Pizza Thursday, Garrett. I would have rather been here.” She nestles into the couch further, and I continue to rub her foot.
“I’m sorry,” I say again.
“Things are a bit strange here, huh?” she says, and I shrug my shoulders.
“We’re thrown together like this, and it’s unnatural. We’ve been playing house for months and spending a lot of time together. Is that why you kissed me?” she asks quietly. There’s nothing unnatural about the way I feel about her.
“I don’t know, Sam. It just felt… right. In the moment.” I’ve wanted to claim her lips for so long.
She raises her fingers and slowly brushes her bottom lip. I kissed her so hard they look swollen, puffy. “I’m really sorry,” I say. “It won’t happen again, I promise.”
The look on her face confuses me. Is it regret? Disappointment? Curiosity?
“A little advice: you should warn a girl if you’re going to dive in like that. I think you broke my tooth.” A smile spreads across her face, and I feel the tension leave her body.
“Next time I promise I’ll warn you.” I throw my head back on the leather cushion and sigh. “I’m such an asshole.”
“I’m glad you’re finally admitting it,” she jokes, and I pinch her good foot.