Pacing back and forth in the hotel room, where I’m supposed to meet the contact Eric set up is grating on my damn nerves. The security at the site in Lexington is constantly on my mind, as well as wondering what the fuck I’m doing with Sylvia. And if that isn’t enough, I can’t stop thinking about Noah, which is annoying as hell.
Sylvia is pushing for a lot more than I can give her right now, and it’s been seventeen months since I last saw Noah or heard from him. One day everything was fine, my birthday, and the next he’d disappeared. No explanation or anything for me, or his sister, Carla, who is now engaged to my brother, Sebastian.
Right now, I feel as though everything is crashing around me. Nothing is going right at the site I’m managing, one thing after another and if something doesn’t happen before too long, I’m afraid someone is going to get killed working on there.
None of us have ever had this problem before so it’s pissing me the fuck off now.
Hearing a tap at the door, I check through the security hole and see a guy standing on the other side in jeans, shirt, fleece and a blue baseball hat covering his hair with his face averted as though he’s aware I’m watching.
The guy bangs on the door for the second time.
Taking the security lock off, I open the door wide and let him walk in.
He stands with his back to me, but as he starts to turn the blood in my body turns to ice.
No fuckin’ way!
I feel the blood start to drain to my feet so I turn and drop into the chair to the side of the table that holds a lamp.
No matter how many times I blink, he’s still standing before me looking just as shocked to see me, as I am, him.
“Seventeen months,” I whisper.
He shuffles back and falls onto his ass against the bed when his legs hit the side.
In a nervous gesture, he turns his cap so it’s back to front and says, “I don’t know what to say.” He buries his head in his hands before he looks to me again. “I knew this job that Eric has set up was taking me back to Lexington. I’d planned on coming to find you. I need to explain, but I have no idea where to start.”
“The beginning is usually a good place, although nothing will change the fact that you left without any explanation.”
Where’s my anger when I need it?
“We spent the fuckin’ night together celebrating my birthday. You bought two fuckin’ tickets,” I stand feeling my anger that’s now running through my blood, “to a Bruins game in Boston. There wasn’t any sign that you didn’t want to be with me.”
It’s difficult to stay standing where I am but I don’t move towards him. I don’t know whether I want to punch the fuck out of him or fuck him senseless to show him what he’s missed not being with me.
While my fists clench at my side, I watch as his eyes travel the length of me probably noticing the change in my appearance. I’ve always been muscular. All the McKenzies are, either with our job or through the gym. But I’ve changed since I was with Noah, in a good way. At least from my point of view I have. I’m more toned with a hardened jaw, which is more prominent now that my hair is close to my head. Gone is the soft touch Ramon with the over long dark hair, and in his place is someone who isn’t going to let Noah walk all over him again. He tore my heart to shreds. I’m not going to let him do that again.
But I can’t help myself and really looking at him as Noah drops his head to rest in his hands with a slight shake to them, I realize these past months have obviously been hard on him for one reason or another.
His face is raw as though he’s been through hell since he left. The dark hair he wears slightly long—like I used to do—is desperately in need of washing. What the hell has he been doing to look like he does? His green eyes are dull now where before they’d spark to life just looking at me.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to leave you.” He looks up at me with eyes pleading. “You’ve no idea how many times I’ve wanted to come back to you. How much I’ve missed you. Missed talking to you or just fuckin’ sitting watching the TV. I even bought another ticket and went to the Bruins game just for a glimpse of you because I’m broken without you. You took Ruben with you.”
I seriously don’t know what to say to him and he’s confusing the hell out of me.
“If what you say is the truth then why? Why did you walk out on me?” I drop back in the chair, all my anger having left and been replaced with a numbness.