“I can’t help how I feel. I wish we’d been together back then. You’d have had me to help you as well. Things would have been so different these past six years.”
He kisses me and lingers over my lips. “You’ve no idea how much I want you.”
I rake my fingers through his hair and with a gentle tug pull him back to me. “You have one more thing to do, then your past will have happened, but you’ll be able to look forward, towards the future with me and our baby because I’m not going anywhere…and if you so much as suggest I will, I’m going to cause serious bodily harm, to you.”
A slight smile appears on his handsome face as he holds my gaze. He nods his head in acceptance.
Settling back on his haunches, he closes his eyes and quickly removes his tee shirt, tossing it away.
As much as I want to look at his chest and touch him, I keep my eyes on his face and wait for him to look back at me again. When he does he finally takes a breath, but his mouth stays in a tight line of stress.
I need to look at him so he can relax because I hate seeing him like this.
Very slowly, I move towards him and spreading his legs I crawl between. Bending over, I kiss his bellybutton while caressing over his abs with my fingers. I leave a wet trail upwards and meet his eyes as I swirl my tongue around each of his nipples in turn.
A shudder runs through him at my touch. Without taking my mouth from his chest, I reach towards my hips and slide my fingers between his where he has placed his hands. I’m ready to explore him but I want to make sure he’s ready.
Pulling away, I hover over his lips. “It’s only me Lucien. Please trust me.”
After a few heartbeats, he whispers, “I do trust you.”
And I realize he’s telling me the truth, which gives me the courage I’m looking for.
Even though I know in my heart that I will never walk away from him because of his scars, I’m still really nervous that I’m going to burst into tears when I see them and that he’ll misunderstand and think he repulses me. He could never repulse me. I love him.
Settling back, I look at our joined hands and slowly start to move up the scarred skin of his arm. I’m guessing this isn’t as bad as his back, but it’s bad enough.
Most of the skin on his arm is scarred. Starting at the puckered skin on his wrist, my hands trace up to the evil looking ones on his bicep that reaches up his arm and over his shoulder. I’m positive they are probably going down his back as well. I glance at Lucien and he’s staring at my hands on him, but he won’t meet my eyes.
He’s ashamed I’m seeing him like this.
Not wanting to push him away, I lean forward and trace some of the scars with my lips and feel his other hand tighten on me the further up his arm I travel with my tongue.
“You don’t need to do that,” he growls trying to pull his arm free. I’m not letting go.
“Kissing you like this is the only way I can think of to prove to you that once and for all that I accept you the way you are.”
His eyes stay on me but he doesn’t say anything else as I go back to kissing him. The closer I get to his shoulder, the more nervous I’m becoming. I’m wondering how badly his back suffered to his arm, and hoping the sight doesn’t cause me to give in to the tears that I feel behind my eyes.
Lucien is in control of everything in his life apart from what happened to him, and now, for me, he’s made himself vulnerable. I can’t go to bits on him now.
Clambering over his outstretched leg, I move around behind him and feel him tense under my hands and hear his breathing turn shallow.
Without taking my hands from his skin, I settle behind him before I look.
I thought I was prepared. I wasn’t.
My hand shakes on his shoulder when I feel his hand enclose mine.
“Let me grab my shirt.”
What?
I quickly slide my legs on either side of his, and tell him, “Don’t you dare.” Then more softly, I add. “Please don’t hide from me now Lucien.”
There isn’t any part of his back that has been spared, and I’m not sure where to touch first.
“Will I cause you pain if I touch you.”
“No. I can’t feel most of my side, but the rest I can in degrees depending on where you touch…but you don’t need to do this.”
“I know I don’t need to,” I whisper as the tears slide down my face for the brave, vulnerable man sitting in front of me, “but I want to. You’re just going to have to accept that I’m not going anywhere.”
My hands shake as I reach out and start gently tracing over his uneven skin and scars on his back. Some spots still look raw, even six years after the fire. Needing to show him the same way I did with his arm, I lean forward and place kisses over the skin I can reach with my stomach in the way.
Hearing a whoosh of air escape his mouth, I have a feeling that I’ve found a particular sensitive spot so I lick in the same area and feel him shudder.
Hmm.