I take in my curves, which are more defined with the pregnancy, as well as my large boobs. I’m sure they’re twice the size that they used to be. But looking at myself now, I realize that the dress I’ve chosen would look better without underwear, which makes me moan. There isn’t any way I can go without a bra, or is there?
With a huff, I unclip the bra I have on and pull it down my arms and off, and…oh, wow. My breasts have always been firm and now they’re being caressed with the silk I’m thinking that one look from Lucien is going to give away how much he arouses me. He’ll see my nipples being erect perfectly, just like they are now with thoughts of Lucien’s reaction running through my head. Standing to the side, I caress my bump wishing Lucien was here with me. Wishing that he was here to witness the changes to my body that is happening because I’m carrying his child.
“Sabrina, are you okay in there?”
Taking a breath, I reply, “I’m fine. Give me a minute,” while I wipe the silent tears from my face.
I have to believe Ramon when he said Lucien would be at the fundraiser, because right now it’s the only thing keeping me going, and getting me out of bed every day.
I’m excited knowing he will be there but there is a trill of apprehension because, even though Ruben told me Lucien was coming back for me, there is still the niggling conscience telling me I’m dreaming.
***
Nervously picking at the sandwich that Lily ordered me, I watch her do the same across from me.
After the dress store, Lily directed me here, which is a small bistro that serves delicious Italian sandwiches and coffee. Neither of us are drinking the coffee, as we both have a glass of iced water with lemon. It’s refreshing.
“Okay, I’m going to go first,” Lily, states. “I know you’re upset with Lucien because he missed the scan because of me, and I’m so sorry Sabrina. I’m not just sorry for you, but for Lucien as well. He’s so happy that he’s going to become a father and he should have been there for you. If Michael had known, he never would have asked him to stay with him at the hospital. I was fine, just having more tests done. I know Michael was a wreck, but he’d have been fine. He’s kicking himself for being selfish and not realizing he’d screwed Lucien up.”
I shake my head and, reaching out, put my hand over Lily’s. “I understand that, and it was something that we could have probably gotten over…It’s…It’s just…he’s in love with you,” I blurt.
Nice going!
Lily pauses before she starts to laugh, but she soon stops when she realizes I’m serious. “Oh Sabrina, I wondered about that, but I seriously didn’t think there was anything to it. Is that why you’ve stopped calling or refuse to answer when I call you?”
“Perhaps.”
“Sabrina, I’m not going to lie to you. I do love him and I know he loves me, but not in the way you think he does. I love him like a brother, just like he loves me like a sister. I’m the first woman to show him that we aren’t all bad so I guess that has given us a sort of attachment. But that’s all it has ever been or ever will be. Michael and our children are my life, just like you’re Lucien’s.”
I stay silent while I take in everything she’s telling me. I’ve always wondered about their relationship. I can’t help but sift through the memories of them together, the looks, the secret whispers, and I realize that she is telling the truth. They weren’t the actions of lovers but of siblings. I believe her. I really do. But I still need Lucien to tell me the same thing and to take my concerns seriously instead of passing them off as nothing.
“Does Lucien know you feel like this?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper. “I think he may now. We argued before I walked out, but it was the fact that he said family will always come first that made me realize he doesn’t see me as that…It hurt Lily. So much.”
Tears again!
I take a swallow of my water to get control before I continue, “Why can’t Lucien tell me all this? He’d probably still be here with me if he’d talk instead of getting all defensive when he knows he’s in the wrong.”
“He’s a man who hasn’t had anyone else, but his parents and brothers to think about in a long time. And yes, he classes me, Carla and Rosie in with his brothers. You know about his ex, right?”
I nod.
“I really hate her for what she put in his head. She’s a wicked woman and if I ever see her she’s going to get told.”
Lily grabs onto my hand.
“Please come back to me. You’re really my only friend and I really miss you.” I can see the longing in her eyes and the hurt in her voice and I swallow the guilt I didn’t realize I had been feeling.
“I’m sorry Lily. It was difficult being around you when Lucien was there as well because he’d look at you and make me long for that to be directed at me.”