“I don’t know.” I bite my lip. “What if we do all this and Lucien doesn’t show up? Or what if he does, but doesn’t react, or even worse what if he brings his own date? Oh God, I can’t do this.” I place my hands protectively over my stomach.
“Don’t worry about it, we’ll get Ramon involved and he can make sure Lucien attends…and that he attends alone. Now that is all arranged, I should have been elsewhere ten minutes ago.” Eric gets up from the sofa, and with a kiss to my head shoves his feet into his boots and leaves, locking the door behind him as he does.
My mind is buzzing with thoughts about the fundraiser. I just wish I was as confident as Eric appears to be about Lucien’s reaction to it.
Before I even contemplate making him jealous in that way, I need to at least try and talk to him. My heart and body is craving the sight of him. Even if we only talk about the baby, I need to see him. Which reminds me, the DVD and photographs of our baby are still at the doctor’s office. I’d left them there after my last ultrasound when I was too upset to hang around for them. So I could call and pick them up, and use them as my excuse to see him, and hopefully go from there.
***
Entering Lucien’s apartment building, I bump into Ruben, who is on his way out.
He looks surprised to see me.
“Sabrina, what are you doing here?” he asks, surprising me. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that as harsh as it sounded. I’m distracted with something. How are you?”
“I’m okay, I guess. I’m on my way up to see Lucien. Ramon won’t tell me how he is. I need to…I mean…”
“Sabrina. I understand. But I’m afraid he isn’t here. He’s left town.”
I can’t hide the shock from my face.
Ruben puts his arm around me, and directs me outside to his truck. Opening the door, he helps me climb aboard the monster of a vehicle before he turns the ignition and gets the heaters working. I wasn’t cold, but I am now.
“Look Sabrina, I know he’s screwed up with you. He didn’t mean to. He just needs some time on his own…So Michael dropped him at the airport a couple of hours ago.”
He left. He didn’t want to see me.
“Where…where did he go?”
“He’s gone to his place in Colorado.”
I avert my eyes and gaze out of the window. I really didn’t think he’d leave Lexington. I thought he’d want to make sure the baby was okay. I even hoped that he’d come for me.
“Sabrina, please don’t do this to yourself. He’ll be back. He’s gone to lick his wounds. Trust me.” He takes my hands in his. “He’ll be back for you and his child, just give him time.”
“How much time? I can’t do this without him Ruben.”
He pulls away from the sidewalk. “I don’t think you’ll have long to wait.”
I turn my head, and I watch as his lips turn up in a smile, his eyes alight with mischief.
“He can’t do anything without you either. But that’s all I’m saying. He can beg for your forgiveness himself.”
The rest of the drive is made in silence while I wonder if I really will see Lucien again.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Lucien
Escaping to Colorado wasn’t something I’d thought about doing until Ramon’s speech. I need to tell her everything and man the fuck up to show her my damaged skin. But before I can do that, I decided to come back to my home here in Denver.
It’s a large luxury cabin with nature in its backyard and this is the place that I want to reveal all to Sabrina. We need to be away from my family and all outside forces. I just want to be alone with the woman I love—the woman who is going to be the mother of my child, and hopefully children in the future. So my cabin is perfect, but it needs airing, as I haven’t been here in months. I also need to get some new furniture and make it like a home I want to share with her, instead of the home of a single guy. This is the home that I want to live in the Sabrina. Not our apartment in the city, but here.
Our child will be able to play outside as he or she gets older, and will hopefully benefit from the fresh air of the great outdoors instead of a city. I’d even be willing to buy another in Lexington if Sabrina wants to stay there.
While I’m here I have a lot to do, and the time here will hopefully help build up the courage I’m going to need to show her my disgusting body. I need to get past the sickness I feel when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Because if it makes me feel like that then how can I expect Sabrina to react any differently? I really need to get my head around this and fast before someone else steps in and gives her what she needs.
She needs you.
I wish I could believe my conscience.
As I’m driving along the mountain road to my place, I have my window down letting the cold air blow through my truck to try and get rid of the cobwebs clouding my head.