Lily had given us a scare with her fall and seeing the fear on Michael’s face had me making the call to cancel on Sabrina. I knew it was wrong and I should have been there for her, but she wasn’t hurting like Lily was.
The bouquet I’ve bought her from the hospital florist will hopefully be accepted as a peace offering. I’m not sure what I’ll do if she won’t accept them. I’m so out of practice at this. For years, I’ve only had myself to think about, but now I have more and keep screwing up.
My apartment is dark with a soft glow from the bedroom giving a subtle light directly to the sofa, which is where I find Sabrina. She’s curled up asleep with a throw keeping her warm.
Why is she asleep out here? Was she waiting for me to come home?
I wince. That’s probably the last thing she’d do after my call to her.
Not wanting to disturb her, I sit opposite without moving my eyes until a bit of white catches my eye. Walking back to the side of her, in the trash are torn pieces of paper with pictures on. Retrieving them, I realize they’re baby brochures. Why has she torn them up? Have I hurt her that much that she’d do this?
Knowing I’m not getting any sleep soon, I slump back down into the chair with a heavy heart and watch her sleep.
***
Showering and putting clean clothes on is the best I can do before I head back into the lounge.
I slept on the chair opposite her all night, not able to leave her alone. I’d thought about carrying her to bed, but since she looked comfortable, I decided against it and let her sleep.
She’s beautiful and causes an ache in my chest.
Lost in thoughts of her, I had no idea that her eyes are open and fixed on me.
Now that I’m faced with an alert Sabrina, I’m not sure what to say.
As we stare at the other, I take in her swollen eyes and pale skin—she looks like she’s been crying all night.
“Are you alright,” I ask, dropping into the chair.
She looks at me before averting her eyes. “What time did you get in?” she asks ignoring my question.
“One. I took Michael and Lily home around eight. Michael put Lily to bed and then insisted I stay to talk to him. Keep him company. He was pretty shaken up with the whole thing.”
“Oh…I need to shower,” she tells me and before I can say anything else, she’s off the sofa and locking herself in the bathroom.
What the fuck is going on!
I knew she was going to be upset that I’d missed the appointment. I just didn’t think she’d be as upset as it appears. After all Lily is her friend, or at least she was.
About to go and wait in the bedroom for her, my cell starts ringing.
“Is that Lucien McKenzie?”
“Yes it is.”
“I’m Crystal from the OB’s office.”
I look towards the bathroom wondering why would they be ringing me.
“Go on.”
“Well, as Sabrina was in a bit of a mess yesterday, she forgot to take the pictures of the baby with her and the DVD so I was wondering if you could stop by and pick them up.”
I frown. “She was in a mess?”
“She was upset, well a bit more than that really as she never once looked at the monitor during the ultrasound.”
“Does she know the sex of the baby?”
Sabrina was beside herself yesterday morning about the scan. She couldn’t wait to know whether we are having a girl or boy.
“I’m sorry, but she refused to be told when she was given the option.”
“Thank you. I have to go.”
I hang up and stare towards the bathroom.
Have I screwed this up more than I thought?
Completely ignoring me, Sabrina walks out of the bathroom in clean yoga pants and tee shirt. After slipping her feet into her boots, she heads towards the kitchen.
Needing answers, knowing I’m probably not going to like them, I follow her.
She’s pouring two cups of coffee as I sit at the breakfast bar and wait for her to be done.
I notice her glance at the flowers that I’d put into a vase last night, but they don’t get any reaction.
Placing my coffee in front of me, she finally meets my eyes, and what worries me is the fact that I don’t see anything reflected in them. They’re dead.
“I can’t do this anymore Lucien,” she whispers as though her voice has deserted her.
“Why?” I ask my hands tightening around the mug of coffee.
“I can’t and won’t spend my life always being a second thought. I deserve so much more than that.”
“I don’t treat you like that.” My immediate response sounds hollow even to my own ears.
“You’ve no idea how much I wanted you with me yesterday. You told me Lily was fine but in shock. There wasn’t any reason for you to stay. You could have still made it for the ultrasound…if you’d really wanted to be there.”
She stumbles into the lounge and sits in one of the armchairs looking sick.
This upset can’t be good for the baby. A baby I’m not sure she wants anymore.
I’m losing her and our baby.