They were monsters in his eyes too.
I silently prayed he was going to be my family’s savior. He’d become the hero in this nightmare. The longer I watched, the more I realized he was just as much of a victim as my whole family was. He didn’t want to do those horrible things.
He was fighting for their lives, while I hid fighting for mine.
More screams.
More gunshots.
More…
More…
More…
“Next bullet is through her heart. Do it or she dies! You want to be responsible for taking this girl’s mother away from her? What kind of monster are you?”
I wanted to scream, “He’s not a monster, you are!” But instead, I hid my face into my doll Yuly’s body. It was too hard to keep watching their pain. My broken heart was now in my throat with bile rising, but I swallowed it back down. Covering my ears with my hands, trying to drown out Mami’s wails and the monster’s voice. Remembering the last time I was happy with Papi.
“Amira, I have a present for you,” Papi revealed in Spanish, touching the end of my nose with his index finger. A gesture he’d been doing all my life. He would tease that my nose would grow like Pinocchio’s if I told lies. It was his way of making sure he kept me honest.
My father worked day in and day out in El Campo, the city, and anywhere else he could get goods in exchange for his labor. Whatever that meant.
I hadn’t seen him in a few days which made me really sad. It felt like every time he left to go into the city to work, the longer it took him to return. I hated when Papi left, things weren’t the same without him.
Mami and Teresa missed him, too, but not like I did. Mami would try to cheer me up every time he left by letting me play with the baby chickens out in the barn. Or she’d let me run free in the field and pick my favorite flowers, mariposas, for Papi. A delicate white flower with petals that formed the shape of a butterfly. When he was home, I’d flap my arms up and down like I was flying, and twirl all around him, making him laugh and smile.
Those were the best days.
Papi knew I was unhappy when he left us, so he’d always try to bring me back a gift, to make up for his absence. Knowing it was rare for us to receive any presents unless it was our birthday or a holiday. No matter how big or small it was, I cherished everything he ever gave me because it came from his good heart.
The same heart I had in my body. Papi was my hero, and I loved him very much.
With wide eyes, I watched as he stood up and showed me what he was hiding behind his back this whole time.
“Papi,” I gasped. “You got me one!” Jumping up and down, unable to control the excitement running through my body.
He mischievously grinned, handing the doll over to me. I never had a baby doll before. I’d been asking for one since Claudia brought hers to school two years ago. Saying her papi found it on the bus. I secretly wished mine would find one on the bus too. He knew it was all I ever wanted.
Toys were hard to come by. I hardly ever got any since all of Cuba’s goods came from the Soviet Union, who didn’t have much to part with. Plus, the United States didn’t want to help us anymore. At least that’s what I overheard Papi’s friends say when they came over with all their maps and papers. Spending hours upon hours talking about political imprisonment and corruption. Three words I learned the meanings of from the only dictionary we had at school the next day.
When I asked Papi about it a few days later, he told me not to be upset with America. They were only doing what they could to make Emilio Salazar surrender and step down. He made me promise to never hold hatred for anyone in my heart; it only led to bad things. To love everyone the same, especially those who needed it the most. Telling me that sometimes there were people in our world who were just lost souls and needed our help to find their way.
I smiled big and wide, instantly hugging the doll as hard as I could. Showing her how much I loved her. Bringing the baby up to my face when I was done to take a good look at her. Claudia’s doll had a scratch on her face and was missing shoes and the ribbons out of her hair. Mine was perfect, her long, dark brown hair and hazel eyes looked exactly like mine. She was wearing a white dress that flowed down to her feet, with black shiny shoes. There wasn’t a mark on her, she looked brand new. I immediately wondered where Papi got her from, but I’d never ask.
I couldn’t hold in my happiness, emphasizing, “Oh, Papi! I love her! I love her so much!” I cheered, hugging her close to my heart again, needing to feel she was really there.
She was really mine.
Before I gave it another thought, I tackled Papi’s legs. Squeezing them in a big, tight hug. Hoping he could feel all the love and appreciation pouring through my embrace.
“Thank you! She will never leave my side! Now I don’t have to be sad when you leave, Papi. You’ll always be with me through her,” I let out, holding back my tears. I was so overwhelmed. I couldn’t believe he got me a baby doll.
He didn’t waver, grabbing ahold of my arms and crouching down to my level. Placing me in front of him so I could see his face. He had tears in his eyes, wearing an expression I’d never seen before.
My heart dropped. “Papi—”
“Amira…” He paused as if he was trying to gather the strength to tell me something. This didn’t feel right, my papi was the strongest person I knew, he never cried.
I pulled my arm away from his grasp, placing my hand on the side of his face. Caressing his cheek, trying to give him the courage he needed to keep going.
It worked. He coaxed, “I need you to promise me something.”
I fervently nodded, wanting to do anything to wipe the look off his face. It was hurting my heart.
“I need you to listen to what I say. I need you to be my good little girl and listen to me, okay?”
“Papi, you’re scar—”
“If any nasty, mean men ever come into this house, Amira, and you hear screaming and bad things…” He hesitated again, making my heart beat faster. His words not coming out as fast as the thoughts running through his mind. “If you hear anything out of the ordinary, Mamita, and you feel scared… I need you to promise me you will hide.”
I stepped toward him. “Papi —”
He stopped me dead in my tracks, holding me steady in place like he needed to look into my eyes. “Do you understand me, Amira?”
Why would I hide if I was scared? I never had to do that before. He always chased away the monsters in my bad dreams. Maybe he needed me to chase away his monsters too?
“Do you understand me? You hide,” he reaffirmed, as if he knew what I was thinking.
I nodded again, unable to say the words.
“Amira, promise me… You swear to me that you will hide from the bad men. No matter what, you hide. And you hide until you don’t hear another word or scream,” he demanded, even though his mouth was trembling. His eyes holding so much sadness.