Imprisoning my body, mind, and soul.
I could feel her virtue, her goddamn innocence on my cock; it only added to the conflicting emotions stirring in my mind. With each thrust, I felt the demons that would eternally haunt me. Torment me until the day I died, until I took my last breath. I didn’t walk through the valley of the shadow of death that night…
I would now fucking live there.
Permanently residing inside of me.
Where I would never make it out alive.
It was all too much—the voices, the commands, the fucking sensations. My hips started moving on their own accord, like I was a possessed goddamn man.
The sinner taking over while the saint sat silently by his side.
My fingers tightened, digging my nails into her flesh, picking up my speed. Thrusting into her harder, faster, stronger. My vision tunneled, and I swear I heard her moan over the madness living inside and all around me. Only tempting the fiend further, causing my head to fall forward onto her neck. I tightly shut my eyes. Seeing flashes of Teresa’s crying face, blood…
So much fucking blood.
I shook off the images as quickly as they approached, the saint defeating the sinner, pulling me back into the light. Finally taking possession of my actions. Control of my life. I had to put an end to this, unable to keep dragging another life down to Hell along with mine.
Right when I was about to finish…
I heard the girl’s father shout, “Amira! NO! Run!”
I instinctively turned to the guard on my right, grabbing the gun from his holster, and pointing it in the direction of the shadowy figure beside me. Coming face to face with a little girl whose wide hazel eyes would now be seared into the darkness of my life.
Knowing she saw everything.
I glanced around the room, needing to see it through her eyes. Her mother lying there, bleeding out, still trying to form screams that came out as whispers. Her father tied to a chair, franticly begging her to run. Her sister bent over a couch, crying uncontrollably with me still inside of her.
With the gun still firmly in my grip, pointing to her head, aimed to kill her.
I immediately lowered my weapon, feeling like the monster I knew I was. I adjusted my pants, looking up just in time to see Salazar raise my gun out in front of him.
“Nooooo!” I shouted, running toward him.
He didn’t falter. “Deal is off!” Opening fire around the room, killing Teresa first. Wanting her parents to see her die, no matter what.
I caught her before she fell to the floor with a hard thud, tugging me with her. Cradling her lifeless body in my arms, I applied pressure to the bullet wound in her chest. “What the fuck did you do?” I franticly asked, staring at the lifeless face of Teresa, the girl I had only just met.
Her father’s agony brought my attention back to Salazar. I dreadfully watched as he murdered her mother next, making the man witness his family being slaughtered right before his eyes.
“Fatherland or death, we shall win,” were the last words he heard before Salazar killed him point blank. Putting an end to the “theatrics” as he called them.
I once again sucked in air that wasn’t available for the taking, each shot resonated deep into my core. My chest heaved with every breath, suffocating in the massacre all around me. Drowning in the devastation of every life brutally ripped out of this world. I peered down at the girl in my arms again, her innocent blood on my hands.
Along with her family’s.
Swallowing hard, I glared up at Emilio with nothing but hatred and remorse in my eyes. “We had a deal,” I shook out, pitifully trying to gather my words.
My emotions.
The soldier was long gone.
Disappeared into the night as if he never existed to begin with.
Salazar chuckled, “Motherfucker, you didn’t even come,” he sadistically spewed. Nodding to the little girl who stood there paralyzed with her doll tight in her grasp. As if she was holding onto her most prized possession. All the color drained out of her body, going into shock. Her traumatized eyes connected with mine, instantly searching for answers to questions I would never be able to give her.
A single tear escaped, slowly falling down the side of her face, off her chin, and onto the floor. Rippling in her sister’s blood. I swear I could fucking taste…
Her pain.
Her loss.
Her future forever changed.
“She’s yours now,” Emilio added, throwing my gun back at me. Nodding to the little girl, he spoke with conviction. “She can be your daily reminder of the family you took away from her and what happens when you betray me.”
It was only then that I realized I lost more than my life that night.
I lost my fucking soul.
All in the name of communism. And a man more evil than the Devil himself.
“Amira! NO! Run!” Papi screamed, but I could barely hear him over the commotion.
I didn’t want him to be mad at me.
I didn’t want to be a bad little girl.
I didn’t want to let my family down.
Hearing the yelling and the loud gunshots. Watching the pain and agony they were going through.
It hurt all over my body.
I felt it on every last inch of my skin.
I would hear their screams every time I shut my eyes. See their bloody faces every second of the day. Reliving each plea, each bullet, and each mark on their battered bodies.
I felt it all.
In my mind, body, and soul.
I hid for what felt like hours, witnessing it all through the tiny hole in the kitchen cabinet. It had always been my favorite hiding spot while playing hide-and-go-seek with Teresa. No one ever found me when I hid in there. I held my breath to keep from making a sound. Peering out into the living room where a bunch of monsters were torturing my family. The nasty men my father told me to hide from weeks before. I wanted to close my eyes like I was watching something scary, and it would make it go away. As if it was only a bad dream that I would soon wake up from. But every time my eyes hid in the darkness, it only made my thoughts worse. Not knowing what was going to happen next. Making it harder to control my emotions and fear. I had to watch no matter what. It was the only way I would be able to keep my promise to Papi.
My terrified stare flew to the man walking into the living room. The monster, holding my family hostage, Damien. I couldn’t take my eyes off the tall man who was standing a few feet away from my secret spot. Still hidden behind the thin wood cabinet door. He was wearing military fatigues like the men who would come collect our food every month. I noticed his demeanor instantly. I could see something different in his honey-colored glare. The way he was looking at my family, how his hands slightly twitched with his sincere expression. The way he stood by the door, not moving an inch. Watching everything play out in front of him, exactly how I was.
He wasn’t like them.