Nothing.
I could see the night flashing before her eyes with no end in sight. Every last second of it playing out in front of her with nowhere for her to hide this time.
“Amira, my name is Damien. Can you look at me please? I need you to look at me… Can you do that for me?”
She sucked in air, snapping out of her worst nightmare. Turning her attention to gaze at me, as if she just realized I was there with her. She immediately scooted back, further away from me and into the wall like she was trying to mold herself into the wood. Her lips wouldn’t stop shaking, staring at me with wide, petrified eyes. She lifted her trembling hand in the air, showing me she had a weapon.
Her demeanor broke what was left of my fucking heart. Replicating with the image of her standing there traumatized in front of me, while her sister Teresa lay dead in my arms.
The life that was taken away from Amira so harshly, so violently, so fucking unfairly.
As if we both never left the scene of the crime.
“It’s okay… remember? I told you to run into the barn and hide, and I’d come back for you.”
She winced, shutting her eyes. Sinking deeper into the abyss where her mind had gone, fiercely shaking her head back and forth.
“Amira, tengo algo para ti, mira… Por favor, mu?eca, ayúdame para que pueda ayudarte,” I voiced, “Amira, I have something for you, look… Please, doll, help me so I can help you.”
I didn’t know what possessed me to call her that, but as soon as I said it, she slowly started opening her gaze like it brought back some sort of memory for her. Our eyes connected as I clutched onto her doll in the back of my jeans.
After she hauled ass from the house, out the back door where no one could see her run to hide, I grabbed the broken pieces of her doll and hid them under my fatigues. No one noticed, though why would they, I played the goddamn part perfectly.
Once I got home, I took a shower, mostly for her sake. The last thing I wanted was for her to see me in the same shape I was in before I left. Covered in her sister’s blood. It didn’t take me long to get to Rosarío’s house so she could fix and clean up the doll. Making it look almost as good as new.
Amira cautiously watched as I pulled the doll from behind my back, slowly placing it in between us. This was my last bit of hope, silently praying she would know this was my way of extending some sort of olive branch to her.
Where she could meet me in the middle to try to mend the future of both our lives. I was going to be in her life, whether she wanted me to be or not.
It would just make things easier if she allowed it.
“Yuly?” she finally spoke. Her eyes welling up with fresh tears, not believing what she was seeing. The sight of the small doll restoring a little piece of what was left of her heart.
I nodded not knowing what else to say, or how to make any of this easier for her. The doll was the only thing I had from her previous life. It didn’t make things right by any means, but I was hopeful it would provide her with a little comfort.
Something…
Anything…
For her to keep living.
Our eyes never strayed from one another as she hesitantly reached for the doll. Taking it out of my hands.
“Mu?eca, I’m not going to hurt you,” I sincerely stated in Spanish. “You’re going to have to trust me.”
She stared at me and then down at her doll with so much confusion in her stare. Unsure what to think or what to do. Searching Yuly for some answers. She had to realize that she had no choice. At the end of the day, I was her only hope. I’d drag her out of here kicking and screaming if I had to, and I think a part of her was already aware of that.
“We have to go.”
I brought her attention back to me. “Where? Where do I go?” she whispered loud enough for me to hear.
“You let me worry about that.” I stood, extending my hand for her to take.
Her glare shifted to my hand and then down to her lap where the baby chicks were still lying.
“They can come too,” I answered her unspoken question. Ready to do whatever it took to get her the fuck out of there.
She peered back up at me, narrowing her eyes. Trying to figure me out. Put together the missing pieces of the puzzle that were spread right out in front of her. “You promise… you promise you’re not going to hurt me? I’m safe with you? From the monsters…”
For the third time tonight, it felt like I took another bullet to my goddamn heart. So, I simply replied, “You’re safe with me, Mu?eca.”
She nodded like she believed me, placing the chicks in the twine basket beside her. Not saying a word as she warily grabbed ahold of my hand to leave this place once and for all. I carried her on my back down the ladder, telling her to wait for me while I went back up to grab her basket of chicks.
She sat in the backseat holding her baby doll tight, shedding some more tears for the life she was leaving behind. Occasionally, our gazes would meet in the rearview mirror, and I’d offer her a slight smile for reassurance. She’d just wipe away some stray tears and go back to observing out the window. When we hit the main road out of fucking Hell, she finally let her exhaustion take her under.
I once again drove to the only home I’d ever truly known. Just after two in the morning, Rosarío opened the door startled, blinking away her sleepy haze. Being woken up by me for the second time that night. She took one look at me and then down to the little girl covered in dried-up blood, who was hiding behind my legs. Her face tucked into her doll and the baby chicks.
Rosarío didn’t hesitate, instantly greeting, “Come in.”
I followed Damien into the house he brought me to, trying to keep my tears at bay. Scared he was just going to leave me here with some strange woman and I’d never see him again. I didn’t know why I felt such an emotional attachment to a man I’d only just met.
A complete stranger.
When he raised his gun up to my face for the second time tonight, for a split-second I thought he was really going to kill me. But he didn’t. He moved his gun to the left and pulled the trigger, hitting the wall instead. Immediately rushing me out the backdoor to get away. Ordering me to run to the barn as fast as I could and stay there till he came back for me.
I didn’t think twice about it. I ran through the open field that used to bring me so much happiness. Waiting for my papi to chase after me and tickle me to the ground. But those days were gone. The light burning inside me was snuffed out by evil. I didn’t look back, I just ran until I was by myself in the barn. Watching the only home I’d ever known burn to a pile of ashes in front of my eyes.
I was scared.
I was alone.