“Yes.”
“It was all a lie?” She doesn’t cry but her voice is hushed as if she’s struggling to breathe almost as much as me.
“Dammit, no. Princess, it wasn’t a lie. I needed the money. My business is sinking. It was meant to be a simple job.” I can’t resist a twisted smile. “Turns out it wasn’t so simple.”
“So you were using me?”
“It wasn’t meant to be like that. I just wanted to get close enough to find the money. I never intended to fall for you. I know I’ve fucked up but I wouldn’t do anything different ‘cause I wouldn’t have met you otherwise.” I reach for her and she leaps back.
“Don’t!” She draws in an audible breath. “Don’t touch me,” she whispers. “Do you love me?”
My heart slams in painful thuds against my ribs. “Yes.”
Jess thrusts both hands into her hair. “But you continued to lie to me.”
“You’re in danger, Jessie, I couldn’t let you be angry with me. I knew you’d try to send me away. Clean start remember? That’s what we said. Can’t we have a clean start now?”
“Clean start!” she splutters. “Yeah a clean start from my end. I told you everything and you told me nothing!”
“Princess—”
“Don’t call me that!” Her gaze keeps flitting to the door as if looking for an escape.
I cross my arms and step fully in front of it. “You know I’m not letting you go anywhere, not when you’re in danger.”
“As far as I’m concerned you’re the only one who is a danger to me.”
I take a risk. I step forward and press a finger under her chin. She lets me. I don’t know if that’s good though. I think it’s because I’ve made her so weak with pain that she can’t do anything else. “I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry. You were too much for me to resist. But I’m not going to lose you over this.” She closes her eyes and I skim my mouth across hers. She jerks against my touch. “I won’t lose you,” I assure her.
“I need to think.”
As she steps back, I note the tremble in her body. I’m not sure I could hate myself any more right now, but would else could I have done? I wrack my brains to figure out what I should have done differently.
“Think if you want, Jess. Nothing will change. I love you.” As I say the words again, I realise how true they are. I love her with an ache so deep that I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of it. I can’t lose her over this. Somehow I’ll have to convince her she loves me too.
“I don’t know.” A shaky hand goes to her lips and she presses them. “You used me, you know. Just like all those other men.”
“I never meant to…”
“I’m going to bed.” She presses past me and storms upstairs. The spare room door closes and my heart sinks. My legs judder and I have to get to the couch quickly before I collapse. The only woman I loved and I treated her no better than any other man in her life has. I pray to God I haven’t lost her. I can’t. She’s too much for me to lose.
***
Jess
For a moment, the floral wallpaper above my head disorientates me. I automatically look to the side of me but the bed is empty. An ache pounds through my skull and my eyes feel gritty. I don’t recall falling asleep. I kept skipping between fits of tears and a weird empty kind of anguish.
It was all a lie. Why did I think I deserved anything more? The only reason Hunter was interested in me was because he thought I’d stolen some money. That explains our first meeting at least. When he accused me of being a thief was probably the only time he was telling the truth.
I rub my eyes and sit. The spare room is no different to the rest of the house. Full of lace and flowers and tiny ornaments but it doesn’t have Hunter in it. Strange how such a dated house can feel so different when Hunter is with me.
He loves me.
Does he? I’m not sure why I even asked. I’d been wondering. Why else be so determined to protect me and take care of me? It could have been for the sex I suppose but a guy doesn’t normally ask you to stay with him just for sex. Of course, these circumstances are exceptional.
I push back the covers and force myself out of bed. So what if my world feels like it’s coming crashing down around me, I’ve still got a job to go to. I might have lost Hunter but I refuse to lose my job, not after I worked so hard for it.
Did it not occur to Hunter how much damage he could do? Doesn’t he have a conscience? I know he’s desperate, driven by a need to keep his mum’s house but still you don’t lie to the person you love and you don’t use them for financial gain.
I just don’t know what’s true and what’s not anymore. Careful not to make a sound, I open the door and peer out. His bedroom door is open and his bed is made. I glance at the bathroom and listen for a moment. He must be downstairs. Good. I need to delay seeing him again until I can get my thoughts straight.