“Everyone knows the best part of fighting is making up afterward. I want to make up with you every day from here on out.”
His fingertips slide up and down my spine, spreading shivers over my skin. His lips are wanting as they devour mine in a kiss. He cradles my neck in his hand and presses his body to mine, leaving no space between us. He edges me toward his bedroom. He lifts me into his arms, pinning me to the wall, kissing me. I didn’t know he was this strong. I grasp his biceps.
“I changed my mind. Never stop doing manual labor.”
He smiles against my lips.
Lowering my feet to the floor, he guides me to the bed. I climb onto his navy-blue quilt. Eyes blazing, he yanks his T-shirt over his head and joins me. He straddles my waist, burying his face in my neck. His warm skin feels smooth against mine. He lifts my sweater off.
I’m not sure when he loses his jeans or when I lose mine, but all our clothes wind up on the floor. Up until now, we’ve never been completely naked together, and I’m a little scared—like that first time you jump off a high dive into the water. But I know the fall will be so much fun.
He takes in every bit of me. And then he presses his hot mouth against my core. I tangle my fingers in his hair until I can’t wait any longer. I need him. All of him.
Subconsciously, I guess I had been waiting to take our relationship to this level until there were no secrets between us, because now I have no hesitations whatsoever.
“Do you have protection?” I whisper, and he nods, reaching into the drawer of his nightstand to get a condom.
“You’re sure?” he asks.
“Please.”
He hesitates, looking away for a moment, then his green eyes rejoin mine. “I’m not your first, right?”
“No,” I whisper.
“I should’ve been.”
“Make it up to me now.”
“Bossy.” He grins and wraps my legs around his waist, and we finish what we started years ago.
? ? ?
When we finished showing how much we love each other, Ezra passed out.
Passed out.
I grin to myself.
Knowing I wore him out does great things for my ego, but I want to cuddle. I wake him up with a long, soft kiss and lean on an elbow, staring down at him as a smile appears on his face.
“That was nice,” he says.
“That was verrry nice.”
He groans with a laugh. “If Oliver ever finds out, he’s going to fuck me up.”
“You’re damn right he will. Unless you agree to do tequila shots and go dancing with him. Then everything’ll be just fine,” I tease.
We grin at each other, intertwining our fingers.
“I’ve wanted to do that with you for a long time,” he whispers, weaving his other hand through my hair.
“How long?”
He grins. “Since the summer before senior year. I was at your house swimming in the pool with Oliver, and you were sitting on the side reading a magazine.”
“Seventeen. I was getting advice on how to talk to guys so I would have something to say to you.” I nudge him with my elbow. “I remember you checking me out.”
“Yeah, Oliver noticed too. He said, ‘Stop staring at my sister, dipshit.’”
“So you liked what you saw?”
His eyes flick over my body. “I liked your little bikini. The red one with polka dots.”
I punch him in the arm. “You did a cannonball and soaked me. Asshole!”
“I was trying to get your attention.”
“You were?”
“Constantly.”
I smile, cuddle closer to him, and yawn, finding that he wore me out too.
We nap together for a bit, and when I wake up, it’s completely dark outside. I look over at the red glowing numbers on the alarm clock. It’s seven. Mom and Dad are probably wondering where I am.
I am not ready to face them, but my early decision application for Yale is due tomorrow.
I have to go home to press Send.
? ? ?
It’s five minutes to midnight.
I’m staring at the blinding white of my laptop screen.
Applications are due tomorrow. Friday, November 1.
My pristine application, which I’ve double-and triple-checked a hundred times, is ready to be submitted.
My dad expects me to apply.
So does Mom.
And Oliver.
I let out a sob. None of them are talking to me after what happened with Ben.
What do I expect of myself?
I have no clue.
I’ve never felt so lost, but the more I think about it, I wonder if I’ve ever actually found myself to begin with.
Maybe I’ve always been lost.
Coming Clean
Three days before the election, I bundle into a warm down jacket, boots, and jeans, and drive out to Cedar Hill Farms.
After remembering how Ezra said Jack Goodwin went against his family’s expectations and everything turned out okay, I sent him a text, asking to meet.
When I pull into the circular driveway in front of the mansion, Jack is standing on the front porch with his hands stuffed in the front pockets of his jeans. He’s wearing a red plaid shirt, dirty work boots, and a cowboy hat. He must’ve had a busy day with the horses.
As I’m shutting off my car, Jack, ever the gentleman, jogs down the steps and opens my door for me.
“Tee, hey. Come on in.”
He leads me inside to a creamy white parlor with windows overlooking one of the paddocks, where a mare and her foal stand grazing. A tea service is set up next to the fireplace. My parents have money, but the Goodwins have serious cash. Cedar Hill isn’t just a mansion; it’s an estate. Accordingly, they have servants out the wazoo.
Jack takes off his cowboy hat, then fusses with a china coffeepot decorated with a rose design. “You want a coffee or anything?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“I figured you might. When Jenna and I were dating, she always complained that your mother hated coffee.”
“One of the very few topics Jenna and I agree on.”
Jack and I fix ourselves coffees and grab a couple of brownies, then sit down in armchairs next to the window.
“So what’d you want to talk about?” he asks, chewing.
“Savannah.”
He sets his cup and saucer on the coffee table. With a cautious expression, he asks, “What about her?”
“Was it hard when you started dating her? Like, were your parents mad?”
He nods. “Oh yeah. They didn’t want me fooling around with a member of our staff. It took me a while to convince them I was serious about Savannah.” He pauses and picks up his coffee cup again. “It also took me a while to realize I was serious about her.”
“But it’s been worth it?”
He smiles. “Yeah, of course. I mean, we’ve been dating almost two years, and we still can’t keep our hands to ourselves.”
“TMI.”
He laughs, but the mood turns solemn again. “Why are you asking about this? Is it something to do with Ezra? I heard you’re dating.”
“We’re dating, yeah, but that’s not why I’m asking.” I sip my coffee. “I just…how did you go up against your parents like that? How did you get the courage?”
“It wasn’t easy. I had to lay it all out there. I had to tell them it didn’t matter what they thought, that I was going to date Savannah.”