The next time I face my father in battle, I will not have to worry about what I will do when my abilities run out. I can restock without fear of the siren taking over as long as I can hear Riden—until my strength fails or every one of my father’s men is dead. Whichever happens first. Still, it is too easy for our enemies to cover their ears. It isn’t enough.
This is only the first step. The real challenge will be staying myself while surrounded by ocean water.
I need to be in the sea and still be me.
*
The fleet disappears beyond the horizon, and I can’t decide if it’s better or worse not knowing where they are. Still, not being able to see them means we’ve gained more ground.
Perhaps that’s why I delay taking the next step in learning the new control I can master over my abilities with Riden.
It’s more than the fleet, I tell myself. I can’t push Riden too far too fast. He needs time to cope.
It’s a lie I tell myself. Riden actually appears to be getting more and more comfortable with the siren the longer he spends with her. And while, of course, I’m taking his feelings into consideration, the truth is—being in the water terrifies me. There’s so much harm the siren can do. So many people she can hurt on this ship.
I’m absolutely petrified of being her and being at risk of losing myself to the sea forever.
But as the threat of dehydration looms ever closer over our heads, I’m running out of excuses.
Kearan thinks we should be upon the island any day now.
Out on the deck, he and Enwen hang off the railing, staring longingly at the flat expanse of water.
“It looks better than it tastes,” I tell them.
“Why, oh why, does the sea contain salt?” Enwen asks.
“To drive us mad,” Kearan says.
“Stop looking at it,” I tell them. “Go distract yourselves.”
As if they’d coordinated it ahead of time, the two turn around and slump to the deck simultaneously.
We might not survive to reach that island.
I head for the kitchens, seeking out Trianne. She’s got that last water barrel under lock and key in one of the storage rooms. I trust my crew not to steal more than their share when it comes to gold. But water is an entirely different matter. The lack of it messes with a person’s mind.
“How much is left?” I ask her.
She knows immediately what I mean. “If we continue at these portions? Five days.”
Five.
“Start serving the rum with dinner in place of water,” I tell her. Not only will it give us longer on the sea, but it’ll help the crew sleep at night with thirsty bellies.
“That’ll buy us an extra week, maybe. Stars be thanked, Kearan cut himself off. Else we’d be out by now.”
“That’s the truth.”
I clap her on the shoulder before leaving the galley.
“They’re back!”
The shout is quiet from down here, but I know it’s Roslyn. She must mean the ships.
The fleet.
Is he playing with me? I wouldn’t put it past my father to give his men a break long enough for me to feel safe just to speed them up again to throw me off.
Father likes games, and at this point, the only advantage I have over him is being able to restock my abilities without having to incarcerate myself and wait a night.
It’s not enough.
I know this. I know what I need to do next.
My limbs shake just thinking about it, but I force myself to take the necessary steps. I locate Sorinda first and give her orders. Then I go to my rooms to change. Finally, I seek out Riden.
He is chatting with Wallov in the brig when I find him. They are probably too far below to have heard the shout, and when I start to catch the topic of their conversation, I decide not to interrupt right away.
“Caring after a child is hard work,” Wallov says, “especially when they’re too little to walk on their own. But I wouldn’t trade Roslyn for all the gold in the world.”
“Is it ever awkward being a father to a daughter?” Riden asks.
“It hasn’t been yet, but I’m dreading the conversations we’ll have when she gets a bit older.”
“Fear not, Wallov,” I say, alerting the two men to my presence. “There’s a whole crew of women to help with that.”
“Good,” he says, the relief evident in his voice. “I was really hoping for that.”
“Sorry to interrupt,” I say, my voice taking on a more urgent tone, “but I need Riden.”
Riden cocks his head to the side, and I hurry to add more to my statement.
“The fleet is back. It’s time to take the next step.”
The lighthearted expressions on their faces falter. Wallov hurries up top to be near his daughter while she does her job.
“Follow me,” I say to Riden.
When he sees me go for the stairs, he asks, “Above? We won’t be in the brig?”
“Not today.”
He follows without any more questions, and I find myself thinking back on his conversation with Wallov, despite the looming threat the fleet presents.
“Are you planning on having children anytime soon?” I ask him once we’re up top and headed for my quarters. Niridia gives me a calculated look, nodding in approval when she sees I’m with Riden. Her injured hand is held up by a sling around her neck.
“Not soon,” he says, “but someday. I hadn’t thought it possible with this life before. But here, on this ship, a child would be safe. Well, probably not quite as safe as on land, but safe enough with this crew around.”
My mind is turning at this reveal. Riden fathering a child? I can’t quite wrap my head around it, and my mind is having a harder time than usual with my father in our sights.
“Wouldn’t you like to have a child someday?” he asks.
The question puts Roslyn and my father in the same space of thought in my head, and I shudder before finding a response. “I’ve honestly never thought about it.”
“Never?”
“No. I already look after a whole crew. I don’t see how a child would fit into the mix.”
“I can picture a fiery-haired child running amok on this ship, locking her dolls in the brig when they misbehave.”
I laugh.
“You can probably only have daughters, right? No sons?”
I suppose I hadn’t really thought of that, either. “Probably. But would they be like me? Or would they be … human?” I almost said normal.
“Does it matter?” he asks.
Confusion tears through me. He begrudgingly allows himself to be in the siren’s presence. Why wouldn’t he worry that a child I bore would have a siren in her, too?
The lack of water is getting to his head. He’s delusional.
Sorinda is already waiting for us in my bathing chamber.
Riden takes one look at the tub full of salt water. “Are you serious?”
“Very.”
“What is the plan, exactly?”
“I get in the bath, go full siren, and you try to bring me back.”
“You’re not contained,” he says.
“The bath is bolted to the floor. I can’t move it to the brig.”
He must sense how nervous I am, how much I really don’t want to do this, because he says next, “It’s fine. Get in the water.”
I take off my boots and any other dangerous items. I stand only in a black blouse and leggings. I decided it best not to wear white since I knew I would be getting wet. In front of Riden.