“Enough,” Dylan interjected, taking the words right out of Jacob’s mouth. I didn’t know if it was for his benefit or Jacob’s, but I assumed it was both.
“Yeah... try watching it. Maybe Jacob can give you a private show like he gave me?”
“Austin,” Jacob warned on his last thread.
I cocked my head to the side. “Or do you only get hard when you think no one is watching?”
He narrowed his eyes at me. I didn’t falter.
“It’s all good, Jacob, as long as there’s grass on the field, I say play ball.”
He cold-cocked me straight in the jaw. My face swayed back from the impact of his fist, but my body didn’t move. I was expecting it. Bracing myself for it.
“You can say whatever the fuck you want about me, but you talk about Lily like that again, and I will lay you the fuck out, Austin. I don’t give a fuck who you are.” He shook out his hand, the pain traveling up his arm.
I leaned over, spitting out blood on the grass. Glaring up at him. “Truth hurts don’t it, motherfucker?”
He stepped toward me and Dylan held him back, stepping in between us.
“Get out of here, Austin,” Dylan ordered.
I looked at him, surprised and dismayed. I couldn’t believe after what I told him he was taking Jacob’s fucking side. I know I only saw Jacob kiss Lily against the SUV that night but fuck, if that would have been me instead, they would have crucified me.
“The Good Ol’ Boys, huh? Yeah… you don’t have to tell me twice,” I viciously spewed, backing away still facing them.
I wanted to remember them just like that. So if I ever missed home, I would always remember that there was no home.
To go back to.
<>Briggs<>
I swallowed two blue pills stamped with stars and I wanted to dance. I couldn’t remember the last time I closed my eyes for more than a few seconds other than to feel the euphoria coursing through me. I rode the high for as long as I could.
Hours…
Days…
It all blended together.
The crowd of the club got louder, heavier, deeper.
Except when you’re a Martinez, you don’t worry about any of that. You’re up in VIP, in a private section, closed off, partying with whoever the fuck you want.
I brought the party.
I stood on the balcony swaying my hips, watching the people dancing below through dazed and tainted eyes. Loving life, living in the moment, letting the beat take over them.
Not a care in this fucked up world.
The darkness in my soul consumed me, overshadowing the high that I so desperately wanted to hold onto.
All that was left was emptiness.
Next thing I knew I was opening my car door, my sound system blasting ‘Silence’ by Delirium through the speakers. Thumping loud and hard into my veins, mimicking the pounding in my heart and the ringing in my ears. As if she was talking just to me.
Just. For. Me.
Feeling me.
Possessing me.
Silencing me.
I pulled my car over on the side of the road. I grabbed my ear buds and plugged them into my phone, slipping it into my back pocket. Not wanting the music to stop as I walked toward the Brooklyn Bridge. It was one of the oldest bridges in New York, and it captured my attention as a child. There was something about the bright lights of the city reflecting off the East River, the sounds of traffic flying past as you walked along the pedestrian path. No matter the time or day.
It was alive.
Breathing for me.
One of my only fond memories was driving on the bridge as a child, shouting at Esteban to look up every time we were about to go under the double arches. I would hold my breath until we passed through what looked like angel wings, making wishes that never came true.
I got lost in the beat of the music blasting through my ears, mesmerized by the meaning of her words, pulling me closer and closer to the angel arches. My feet moved on their own accord, my body and mind following close behind my deliberate steps.
I dropped out of school the day of my fifteenth birthday. I knew my parents would be rolling over in their graves. Their only daughter… a high school dropout. They weren’t around though, so now I followed Alejandro’s footsteps. Whether I wanted to or not. Two years since I embraced being a Martinez, sitting next to my uncle on the bus to Hell.
And already it felt like an eternity nailed to the cross.
I took in the beauty of the Heaven in front of me, standing right under the angel, looking over the edge and gazing down below. Cars flew by faster and faster, headlights blurring into the night. They appeared so small, so powerless, almost like they weren’t real.
The soft strumming of the chorus immediately assaulted my senses, making the hairs on my arms stand at attention. The thumping from the ear buds vibrating against my core. It was a warm night but I suddenly felt cold all over, chills running through me. I closed my eyes reeling in the emotions, the feelings, and racing thoughts that attacked my mind at rapid speed.
One right after the other.