“You going to the fraternity party tonight?” she asked, laying her head on my chest.
I shrugged. The last thing I wanted was to be around Cole, Alex, and the good ol’ boys. I wouldn’t mind staying right where I was, going another few rounds with her.
She peeked up at me through her lashes. “You want to have some fun tonight?”
I grinned, thinking she read my mind and was talking about fucking again.
She rolled over and grabbed something out of her nightstand drawer. She placed two blue pills with an engraved star stamp on my chest.
We locked eyes.
“You want to fuck like a God?”
She swallowed the two pills that were in her hand and before I could answer, she ordered, “Open your mouth and follow me down the rabbit hole. I promise to be gentle,” she purred.
My mouth parted, answering the question for me. I swallowed back the pills and waited...
****
“What are you on, Austin?” Alex asked, sitting on the hood of her car. I stood in front of her keeping my distance.
My eyes were so fucking dilated. I had a hard time focusing on her face and not on the streetlights behind her. Everything was breathing, thriving, and vivid. I couldn’t focus on more than one thing without my eyes twitching and my body feeling alive. Like I had woken up for the first time, like I was living for the first time, like I was seeing clearly for the first time. The thought alone made me take a breath from the sensations that coursed through my blood.
After the chick and I fucked each other’s brains out, she wanted to check out the party. I just wanted to move, I couldn’t stand still. I walked into the party for a few minutes and walked right back out as soon as Alex and the boys walked in. There was no escaping them.
My back didn’t hurt.
My heart didn’t hurt.
Nothing fucking hurt anymore.
“Just weed, Half-Pint, relax. You sound as bad as the boys,” I stated.
It didn’t take long for her to follow me outside.
“I’m worried about you,” she coaxed.
I laughed. Yeah, you looked so fucking worried about me while Cole was eating you out.
“Don’t be, I’m fine.” I leaned in close to her face and spewed, “Now, you and Cole? You fucking him, Alex?” Having no filter.
The drugs had taken over, and I welcomed the feeling with open arms. Spending way too many years keeping my mouth shut for everyone else.
She gasped, jerking back. “Jesus, Austin.”
I rolled my eyes, walking away from her, needing to move again. My body tingled everywhere.
“Oh, come on, Alex, we’re not kids anymore. I know you get… wet,” I crudely baited. Not giving a fuck anymore.
She immediately jumped off her car, walking away from me. I grabbed her arm a little too hard, just wanting to stop her.
“Oh my God, stop! I’m joking. Calm down.”
“Let go of my arm,” she harshly demanded.
I did.
“You’re lying. What are you on?” she repeated, sounding like a damn broken record.
I sighed, wanting her to stop asking and blurted, “Ecstasy.”
“Why? Why are you doing this?”
I smiled big, backing away. “Why not, Alex? You only live once. Might as well fucking make it count, right?”
“Austin,” she murmured, trying to reach for me.
I pulled back my arm, already knowing what was coming. There was no way in Hell I was letting her ruin my high. After everything I’d been through the last few years, I fucking deserved it.
“No! Don’t look at me like that. I’m having fun.”
She eyed me, disappointed in my behavior.
I put my hand out in the air, surrendering. “Fuck it. I’m out of here.”
“Austin!” she shouted after me, but I ignored her and kept going.
I walked around aimlessly for I don’t know how long. There was a park up the road I found myself wandering toward. I wanted to look at the stars. Be in the moment. Fucking forget about her. Fucking forget about all of them. I laid down on the slide, tucking my arms behind my head, and peered up at the sky.
Lost in the beauty of the world.
The silence all around me.
The quiet before the storm…
“What the fuck, man?” Dylan roared, walking up to me with Jacob beside him.
That didn’t take long. Nice of you to join me, boys, but if you came here to lecture me, I suggest you turn the fuck around. I’m not going to take any shit from either one of you,” I calmly stated, causing them to jerk back from the impact of my response.
I was in no fucking mood for more bullshit. I just wanted to look at the goddamn stars.
“Jesus Christ, Austin,” Jacob rebutted. “What are you doing? This isn’t you.”
I scoffed, standing up right in front of them. “Who am I? Huh? You tell me, boys, because I have no fucking idea anymore. I have spent the last twenty-one years of my life marching in line with all of you. I’m done. Do you hear me? Fucking done.”
Today was the last straw…
No more going back for me.