“Oh my God!” I blurted, accenting every word with wide eyes. “In your own fucked up head, you actually think that's fucking true! You actually think that you did that for me! That you didn’t just chose your precious drugs over me! Are you fucking kidding me? It doesn't matter what excuses you tell yourself, Austin! The truth is blatantly fucking there!”
“Stop fucking saying that, Briggs! I would never choose drugs over you! I would have fucking used in front of you if that were true! I wouldn’t have given a flying fuck if you saw me. I wouldn’t—”
“Oh my God!” I blurted, accenting every word with wide eyes. “In your own fucked-up head you actually think that's fucking true! You actually think that you did that for me! That you didn’t just choose your precious drugs over me! Are you fucking kidding me? It doesn't matter what excuses you give yourself, Austin! The truth is blatantly fucking there!”
“Stop fucking saying that, Briggs! I would never choose drugs over you! I would have fucking used in front of you if that were true! I wouldn’t have given a flying fuck if you saw me. I wouldn’t—”
“Have left the love of your life breaking down! Sobbing! Desperately trying to keep it together! Drowning in a sea of your fucking lies! Tell me, Austin! What wouldn’t you have done?! Lie to me some more?! Since you’re so fucking good at it! Take a bow, asshole, that was the performance of a lifetime.”
I immediately grabbed the vase of flowers off the counter that he brought home for me a few days ago and threw them directly at him.
“You selfish son of a bitch!” I screamed.
He ducked as the glass vase hit the door behind him, shattering into thousands of pieces. Mirroring my heart.
“Fuck you! Now get the hell out of my way!” I yelled as loud as I could.
My hands fisted at my sides. Traitorous waves of anger rolled off me. My body shook, vibrating down to my core. He was over to me before I even saw him coming. Reaching for my chin, forcing me to look at the disgrace of a man in front of me. I jerked my face out of his grasp.
“Baby, just let me explain. Please, just give me a chance to—”
“No! Not going to happen this time! You’ve had plenty of chances. You blew what was left. You did this to us, not me! You!”
As soon as I felt his strong arms wrap around my waist, I pushed him away as if his touch burned me.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” I shouted bloody murder, pushing him again as hard as I could.
His back hit the column, and I didn’t falter.
“You liar! You’re nothing but a fucking liar!” I repeated, hitting him all over his face and his body. Anywhere I could.
He tried to block each and every advance, so I pushed him and hit him harder. Taking out every ounce of frustration and hatred on him.
“Briggs, calm the fuck down,” he ordered, trying to grip onto my wrists.
“All you do is lie to me! That’s all you fucking do! I don’t even know who you are anymore! Maybe I never fucking did,” I cried, hitting and shoving him the closer he tried to come toward me.
I wasn’t strong enough to hold him back any longer. My attempts became weaker and weaker. My eyes blurred with nothing but tears. My body giving out on me with each second that passed between us.
“I hate you! I hate you!” I screamed, beating my fists on his chest.
Emotionally and physically drained.
Mentally spent.
I brought my hand up and slapped him across the face as hard as I could. Ready to slap him again when he shoved me against the wall.
“Do your best, baby,” he snidely rasped against my lips. Locking my wrists above my head. “We both know this is only foreplay for you,” he added, kissing me so damn hard I didn’t have a chance to reply.
I bit down on his lip till I tasted blood. He immediately jerked back, pulling my hair by the nook of my neck. I panted, frantically trying to gather my bearings. My body shaking, every part of my resolve was hammering all around me. I could hear it at my temples. I swear every part of my nervous system was breaking, shutting down, making it hard to see, let alone stand.
All I could do was feel and I didn’t want to fucking feel. It brought me nothing but turmoil and distress.
I weakly thrashed around some more, ignoring the pain in my head. The hurt in my heart. The sorrow in the depths of my soul. He held me tighter against his chest, both of us gasping for air. Adrenaline coursed through our veins.
“Stop! Fucking stop! I don’t want to hurt you!” he shouted, tightening his grasp on me.
I frustratingly screamed out, knowing that I wasn’t going anywhere unless he wanted me to. Closing my eyes, I tried to govern my breathing, my thoughts.
My fucking heart.
His grip loosened, and I felt his face brush against mine. The smell of cigarettes assaulted my senses. Memories instantly attacked my mind at rapid speed.
“Fuck you, Austin!”
“I’d rather fuck you, baby,” he rasped along my lips. “I’m sorry. I love you. You know that. You fucking know that… where’s my girl? Huh? Where’s my Daisy?”