I nod my head. Of course I know that Cassie would listen; she’d probably understand more than anyone else about the scars Tanner Jakes left on my heart, but I just don’t want to talk about it.
“But you want to talk about Cash? Just a friendly reminder, I reserve the right to kick him when he’s down if he hurts you.” Cassie takes her duty to me very seriously. Ever since the horrible incident with her ex, she’s ready to beat anyone who threatens any of her friends. Even if it pits her against another friend and, possibly, her lover.
“Duly noted.”
“So…” She leads, and when I don’t answer she goes a step further. “What’s the hang up? Please tell me he’s having issues in bed.”
“That’s the one place we are perfectly in sync.” I chuck my empty latte cup and let out the feeling I’ve been bottling up since Cash Gardner first stepped into my love life. “Look, I’m not stupid. I knew what I was getting into when I signed up for this crazy ride. I wanted to go into this with open eyes—and I did. It’s not like I thought….” How do I say this? Just rip the band aid off as Cash would say. The truth will always come out at some point, might as well just get the pain out of the way. “I know Cash has…a past with women.”
“You mean the fact that he’s a manwhore.”
“Okay, that’s a little unfair, don’t you think?”
“I believe that was your word, my friend.”
“I know. And I knew that going in, right? I can do the math, even if he only had two girls a week, on a minimum of five years, then he’s been with at least five hundred and twenty women—five hundred and twenty-one if you include me. And that’s just the bare minimum.” It turned my stomach, but I knew that—I never let him forget it. Then it comes out of me before I can stop it. “I guess if we’re sticking to past precedent, he doesn’t do long term relationships. And I knew that, but… I don’t just want to be the fucking five hundred and twenty-first.”
Cassie stops in her tracks. Yes, I’m sorry my friend, but I did just say I wanted something long term with Cash Gardner, the notorious womanizer. It takes Cassie about five seconds to get herself back together and catch up with me.
“Can I ask you something?” Cassie says casually. I motion for her to go on. “Okay here it is. The serious question. Do you like him as more than just a hook up buddy?”
I couldn’t say it out loud. It had been the thing I’ve been trying to stop since that first night. Because if I could deny it enough times, maybe I’d finally get it out of my head. Maybe that traitorous heart of mine would finally see reason and I’d not shatter into a million pieces when he moved on to girl 522.
The thought makes my fingers curl into a fist.
“Yes, but it wasn’t supposed to happen like that.” It was supposed to be a quick fling. Something to rub off the tarnish Tanner Jakes left on me. This thing with Cash was never supposed to be more than that.
“I know.” Cassie wraps an arm around me and steers us down another aisle. This one is filled mostly with jewelry and smaller decorative items. She lets us just wander for a few moments. She finds a pair of gold dangly earrings and asks if they fit her new look. They’re perfect for her.
“You should wear them to The Library’s opening,” I say. Her eyes go wide, like it’s the first time she’s thought of it.
“I did just get this little black dress and these would be perfect.”
“You’re so fucking getting them,” I order. Cassie pays for her newest piece of jewelry and then turns back to me. I knew I wasn’t lucky enough to get out of the rest of the issue.
“Have you talked to Cash about this at all?”
“And say what? ‘You know how we’ve been hooking up—I think I’d like to make it permanent’? He can’t think beyond what is right in front of him. How am I supposed to trust someone who can’t stand to talk about the future or the past?”
“From everything I got out of Ryder—I’m your best friend, I’m allowed to look into your boyfriend’s past—Cash may be a little thick-headed and sometimes gets a wild hair that makes him unpredictable. But he’s a good guy. When it comes to his friends and family, Cash would go to the mat for them.”
“Am I the only person who thinks Cash has been acting strange?”
“Strange how?”
I tell her the whole sordid tale of our possible relationship. The dates he just ends without warning. Phone calls that pull him completely out of the moment. We’re great in bed and I can’t get him out of my head, but that doesn’t mean he’s shooting completely straight with me. He knows all of my secrets, but I can’t get past his surface facade.
“He seems normal to me, but I don’t know Cash very well. I know Ryder’s vouched for him, but…” Her voice trails off.