The morning after my disastrous date with Cash, all I want to do is wallow in bed with a cup of tea and my favorite film. Luckily, it’s the weekend, and while there’s still plenty of work to do I can put it all off. I get up once to make some tea and crawl onto my couch. Going back to bed will just remind me of Cash. I flip on my favorite movie and settle in for a good ‘poor me’ session.
I shouldn’t let this get to me, I chastise myself. I knew this would happen. He doesn’t want something long term. Isn’t that why he’s always so much more interested in the ‘here and now’? No room to grow into something more.
I check my phone hoping for something, anything from Cash, but find a text from Cassie instead. She must know something I don’t: all I get is an order that she’ll be picking me up at ten for a girl’s day.
The clock on the wall already says nine. Knowing Cassie, if I try to evade she’ll just bust in and steal me away. Might as well get up and get ready to face my abduction. In truth, I could probably do with a bit of saving from myself. Hopefully, she won’t ask anything about Cash, because that’s a subject I’m putting under lock and key and I don’t think even her skills will crack me.
When Cassie picks me up, I’m almost certain that I can get through this day without talking about Cash. In the hour I had to prepare, I’ve rationalized our entire relationship. It’s been great sex, and that’s all it needs to be. Just really good sex.
But I can’t help wanting more.
Knowing me too well, Cassie’s bribed me with a green tea latte and idle chatter about Ryder, the club, her job, anything to lull me into a false sense of security. I need the detox. It’ll help me with the feelings of rejection that are growing stronger every minute. Last night was the first time since Cash and I started this crazy dance that he didn’t spend the night. I take a sip of my tea and try to prep a strategy for dealing with Cassie.
Up to now, I’ve been able to avoid the awkward questions about Tanner and Cash by just avoiding being alone with my best friend. But now, with Cash throwing me onto an emotional roller coaster, the only way out of this whole thing is to completely move on and act like nothing ever happened.
If only I could work up the courage to tell her, she might be able to piece together the remains of my shattered heart. But Cassie doesn’t need my emotional baggage. She has more than enough from her ex-husband, the last thing she needs is to know about Tanner the asshole.
We stop at the Village Flea Market and grab food before we wander through the stalls. It’s pleasantly crowded this morning as we dig into the melee.
“All right, game plan,” I say, fully embracing the day. I am not going to sit around thinking about Cash Gardner and the number of women he’s had around Atlanta. After the abrupt end to our date last night, I stayed up late, too confused about the number of about faces we seem to do. We’d have a great time on a ‘maybe date’ and then something would trip Cash up and suddenly we’d be off kilter. Then it was a round of blow my mind sex and we’d slide back into casual company. Before I’d cross some line, Cash would shut down and start the cycle over again.
“Well, I’m here to get furniture. You’re here because you’re my haggling expert of a friend and to celebrate the fact that you got a promotion.”
In the aftershocks of Cash and me, I’d completely forgotten I’d achieved the one thing I’ve been working toward for months.
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
“Nope, nope, you don’t get to down play this card. You’re head of your department—you apparently won even your awful boss, Meanie.”
“Meyers,” I correct her more out of habit. Although I’d like to just agree with her. Meyers has never been considered nice. “And how did you find out?”
“Jackson was on the phone with Ryder last night—they were going over plans for The Library and apparently Cash told Jackson and Jackson told—whatever, the point is I know and I am very angry that you didn’t tell me yourself.”
I wince. Cassie should have been one of the first people I called. Although to be fair, my own parents don’t even know yet. “I’m sorry, Cas,” I say.
“I will forgive you on one condition,” Cassie says, throwing an arm around my shoulders. We plow through the crowd together and I wait for my sentence. Cassie’s grinning like a fool doing her best to lift my sagging spirits.
“I throw myself on your mercy.”
“Oh, I plan to put your haggling skills to good use.”
“I didn’t rack up all that student debt for nothing.” Ah the life of a lawyer, constantly being dragged around for my skills.
“If you wanted that, you should have grabbed me a straight espresso instead of this.”
“Since when do you shoot straight espresso?”
I mumble something into my cup and take another hit, hoping to find its normal reassuring affects. No such luck.
If I wanted to avoid what was bothering me, it would have been wise to ignore my switch in caffeine. Cassie may be caught up in her new love affair, but she’s still my best friend. I am toast.
Fuck my life.