“I know. I was kind of busy falling for a boy and stuff.”
She laughed. “I’m glad you came tonight. I was worried after last night you’d feel . . . I don’t know . . .”
“Stupid?”
“No, not stupid, but embarrassed or something. I was worried you wouldn’t want to hang out with us. I’m sorry about the whole kidnapping thing.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s okay. I knew it was all supposed to be innocent and fun but I couldn’t convince my body of that. My brain and body don’t play well together sometimes.”
“I’m sorry.”
I shrugged. “It’s life. Most of the time it’s manageable. I still want to live, you know?”
“I know. I’m glad you came.”
“Me too.”
After the song was over she leaned close and said, “Should you rescue him?”
I glanced over my shoulder to see Dax surrounded by Jeff, Dallin, Zach, and Connor.
“I’ll give him a minute and see how he does.”
“He seems good for you,” Lisa said. “More calm or stable or, I don’t know—you two just fit.”
“We do.”
“It doesn’t hurt that he’s very easy on the eyes.”
I laughed and looked over at the group of guys again. Jeff, Dallin, and the others were laughing and talking animatedly, occasionally punching or shoving each other. And Dax stood there, a small smile on his face, just listening, his body still. Then his eyes met mine and he said something and left them, heading my way.
I squeezed Lisa’s arm. “I’m going to dance with my boyfriend now.”
She smiled. “I’m going to go flirt.”
“Have fun.”
Dax reached my side, took me by the hand, and led me up the stairs and down two halls without saying a word. I wasn’t sure if Jeff or one of the other guys had said something or if something else was bothering him until he opened the door to the laundry room, led me inside, and closed it behind us.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Just thought we needed to visit our favorite room in this house.”
I laughed and he pulled me into a hug.
“You want to dance?” I asked. The music was muted but still audible.
He swayed me back and forth much slower than the beat of the music.
“So now that you’ve committed to a girl, maybe you can go to class more, or even get a cat,” I said.
I could feel his cheek, pressed against mine, turn up in a smile. “One step at a time, Autumn, one step at a time.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
To all of you out there who live with anxiety, depression, or other mental illnesses, you are seen. I know there are days where you feel like you’ve conquered a beast and days where you feel like it has conquered you. Thanks for being you and battling on.
This is my seventh book! Seventh?! How did that happen? I’ll tell you how it happened, you readers. You inspire me to keep writing with your encouragement and love. You make me want to write more stories and explore new characters because you keep coming back for more. Thank you! Writing is my favorite, and I am so happy I can keep doing it.
I’d like to give a big thanks to Erika Hill at the Provo Library in Utah, who has hosted my friends and me for signings for the last several years. The Provo Library inspired this book. It is a gorgeous library. Thanks for the special tour when you found out I was writing By Your Side because it showed me that not only is the library gorgeous, it is also seriously cool (bell towers for the win). I did have to make some adjustments to the library for the purposes of the story, but overall I tried to stay true to the feel of the building.
As always, I’d like to thank my agent, Michelle Wolfson. You have been there since the beginning, through all the ups and downs of this industry, and without you, I’d probably be lost by now. Or at least more lost. You are an awesome support and friend.
Thank you, Catherine Wallace, my editor. You are very good at making my vision better. Thanks for believing in my stories and making them come to life. And to the rest of my Harper team—Jennifer Klonsky, Stephanie Hoover, Elizabeth Ward, Tina Cameron, Bess Braswell, Jon Howard, Maya Packard, Michelle Taormina, Alison Klapthor, the Epic Reads girls, and others I’m sure I’m missing—thank you!
My husband, Jared, has become the first reader of my stories, and he is awesome at giving me the confidence I need before I send it to the people who have to tear it apart so I can make it better. Not only does he read my stories, he supports me in everything I do. In fact, I’m writing this thank-ology during the Rio Summer Olympics and I told him I wanted to take up rowing. He said: “We’d better move to Michigan, then.” (For the record, I probably won’t take up rowing.) I love you, Jared.