“Exactly. It’s not something you should have to analyze over and over again. If it’s right, you should know.”
I smiled and shut my menu, looking around for the waiter. “Now you’re the love expert?”
“Always have been, Autumn.”
It wasn’t that I was doubting what I had come to realize at Dax’s mom’s house. I knew I liked Dax. I just wished that Owen had met him. I wanted one second opinion. Everyone else was on Jeff’s side.
The thought of Dax holding my face at the park and saying figure out what you think flashed through my mind. His eyes staring into mine so intensely. I didn’t need other people to tell me what I already knew.
“I know what I think,” I said out loud.
Owen looked up from his menu. “Oh yeah?”
“I like him. A lot.”
“Dax?”
“Yes,” I said.
“And you don’t care about the friend fallout that will occur with that choice?”
“I don’t care.”
He smiled. “Good for you.”
“Regardless of what happens with Dax, Jeff isn’t right for me. I wanted him to be for so long that I looked past the way he made me feel when I was with him—always on edge, worrying what he’d do or say next. I didn’t notice the difference until I met someone who helps me relax.” Now I just needed to make sure I hadn’t ruined everything. And I needed to tell him how I felt. That wouldn’t be an easy task either, to convince the boy who didn’t do commitment that we could be different. I twisted the pink bracelet on my wrist. But I had to try.
CHAPTER 42
On Monday as I grabbed Hamlet off my nightstand, I contemplated for the millionth time what today would be like. The full-length mirror on the back of my door showed me how nervous I felt about what I was about to do. I was about to hand Dax his book back without the letter inside. It was going to be how I started the conversation. Maybe I’d take him to the greenhouse again. Who cares if we had to miss first period? We would talk this out. Then I’d tell him I liked him.
I straightened my green sweater, one of my favorites, and fixed one of my loose waves. Yes, I had put extra care into my looks today. There was nothing wrong with trying to distract the guy while delivering shocking news.
But Dax wasn’t by the buses where I normally saw him in the mornings. And a search of the school hallways produced the same results. I rounded the corner, thinking I’d try looking in his first period class, when I nearly ran over Dallin.
“Autumn,” he said, all business.
“Yes, Dallin?”
“It’s your day today at the hospital. You’re still planning on going, right?”
“Actually today is kind of bad for me. Do you know if anyone might want to switch?”
“Seriously? You hanging out with someone else?” He gave me the same smug look he’d given me in the hospital when he saw me with Dax.
“No, it’s just . . .” That’s exactly what I was planning to do. “Never mind. I’ll go.” I needed to talk to Jeff anyway. I could talk to him first.
“No, if you’re too good to be assigned a day, then I can find someone else.”
“Dallin. Just stop, okay? I’ll go.”
He held up his hands in surrender. “Good. Because despite everything, Jeff seems to like you.”
“You’re kind of a jerk, you know that?”
“Only when I think someone is screwing over my friend.”
I wanted to argue, but I was about to screw over his friend and that made my insides twist with guilt. I had to remind myself that it was my life I had to live. Nobody else’s. I was going to talk to Jeff today.
Jeff and his parents were playing a board game when I walked into the room. I knew Jeff was humoring them by the look on his face. The tray that extended over his bed was too small for the board, but Life was spread out there as well as possible.
“Autumn!” he said, and the little car with its peg people fell onto his lap.
“Hi.”
“Come play with us.” He plopped a little green car onto the board and added a pink person to it. I pulled up a chair and his dad handed me a stack of money and a career card. Teacher, it said. Forty-seven thousand dollars of salary. The structure of the game calmed my nerves a bit, and before long I was laughing with Jeff.
“I want to change careers,” he announced ten minutes later, when he landed on that square.
“But you’re a surgeon and you have the highest salary possible in the game,” I said.
“I do not base my decisions on salary, Autumn. I base them on job satisfaction and I’m unsatisfied. I’m away from my wife and twins too much. I need a change in my life.”
His mom laughed. “You should always be happy in your job choice. What a wise decision.”
“There’s something to be said about security, too,” I said.
“Very true,” Jeff’s dad agreed.
“Do you hear that, parents? Autumn is a gold digger. If I don’t bring her home lots of money, she’ll be unhappy.”