It has been five months, three weeks, and six days, since I’d talked to or seen Shane. I would go round and round with myself about texting him, or calling him just so I could hear his voice and hang up. My self-doubt fucked with me, not seeing him, or talking to him played right into the fear of him not waiting for me to get my shit together. I’d promised him my heart. I had to take care of myself first this time. I had to trust and as cliché as the saying was, if you love someone, set them free, if they come back, it was meant to be.
I had to focus on where I was. The air was brisk and the traffic was too heavy to daydream about Shane. I pulled my thoughts back to the street. It seemed later than what it was, I fucking hated daylight savings. Dark sidewalks did nothing but staple me against a past I was all too ready to let go. I tightened my sweater around my neck and jay-walked across the street avoiding getting hit and slipped into the corner coffee shop where I was supposed to meet my platonic date.
“Rosie! There’s me gir’.” The sea of people parted as Briggs shuffled through customers waiting in line to order their coffee. He pulled me up against his chest and squeezed me so tight I could hardly breathe. It felt so good to have his massive arms around me, a comfort, and a familiar I had been missing the last six months.
“Oh, I’ve missed you, me gir’.”
“I’ve missed you too. Oh my God, Key, I can’t breathe.”
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled as he put me down. The vacancy of his hug reminded me how much I truly missed him. He’d come up to Portland to investigate a business venture with an old friend and asked if he could come see me before he had to fly out.
“Let’s sit.” he said as he pulled me over to a small isolated table in the corner. His accent was a comfortable reminder that someone in this world cared about me.
“I hope you don’t mind, I ordered you a drink and a lit’le somethin’.”
The barista sang out his name across the sea of people waiting.
“I got here a lit’le early, got a couple mochas and scones.”
“That’s perfect.” I pulled off my sweater and laid it across the back of my chair while he went and got our drinks. Portland wasn’t much different than San Francisco, the weather was cold and you always dressed in layers.
“‘ere we go. I hope you like whip cream, I asked for extra.” He winked, making me smile. I missed him, especially since we were almost inseparable the last days of Sybil’s life.
“I don’t know if I told you how important you were to me when Sybil . . . you know. Thank you for taking care of her things for me. You were the rock I needed.”
Briggs grabbed my hand across the table. His eyes pinned on mine, he gave me a genuine smile. One of those smiles that you could feel all the way down into your toes. Key saved me from having to deal with the bags of stuff Sybil’s family never took and all the gifts Mr. C had sent me.
“You don’t have to say it, me gir’. It was nothin’ more than makin’ a phone call.”
I smiled back.
“Now tell me how you’re doin’, Rosie? Is this going to be home for you now?” He took a guarded sip of his mocha.
“Well, I’ve been waitressing at a Cajun restaurant, and everyone there is so nice. I’m going to a group that helps those who are trying to mainstream into life after the streets. I don’t know if this is home yet.” I could tell he wanted more. I shot him a quick smile and pulled my mocha up to my lips.
“Mmmm, this is really goot.”
“You know Kean, I’m doing what I can. I talk to Sybil every morning. It might be crazy, but she gives me the strength to continue to go on breathing. Knowing she will never take another breath, I make sure I continue to breathe for both of us.”
He reached over the table again and pulled my hand into his.
“I know you miss her. I understan’ how you cling to t’at to keep your sanity and her memory alive.”
His eyes pierced my soul and I saw he had more to tell me.
“What’s on your mind, Key?”
“That Shane of yours is a nice dude, but the guy keeps findin’ me ever’ couple o’ days, asking me if I’d seen you aroun’. He hasn’t givin’ up, Rosie.”
I pulled my hands out of his.
“Key, I’m really trying to get my head on straight before I invite someone else into my life. Shane knows what I’m doing. If he waits for me . . . great. If he doesn’t . . . then I have to live with the choices I had to make. But I can’t go there right now. I’m just getting my shit together.”
I took a drink from my mocha.
“I’m not tryin’ to pressure you ‘bout him. I know wat you’re doin’ here. I know, Rosie, I do, but I also know wat will bring you happiness, and I don’t want you to lose t’at. All I want is to see you happy, me gir’.”
“Who’s to say I’m not happy? I’m finally doing what I need to do for me. Just me. What about you, Key? Are you happy doin’ what you’re doin’?” I knew he could see right through me. I was an open book to Kean Briggs.
“As happy as I can be, business is about the same, except I miss your smart ass.”
I smiled, but it was short-lived as my thoughts were hijacked by the girls I had left behind.
“Have you seen Crystal and Brie?”
“Ahhh, yeah, every so often. They’re doing what they gotta do to make it, you know?”
“What do you mean?”