Landon knew Jay’s kids were gone until the next weekend, so he didn’t put much more thought into it as he slid his feet into a pair of boots and hopped in his truck. He damn well was gonna tell Jay he was bastard. Landon had apologized for making the night awkward by almost kissing Jay, even though it seemed Jay had been just as close as Landon had. Landon felt disrespected, which was probably entirely irrational.
He tried to tell himself he was acting like a jealous teenager as he made his way down the road to Jay’s house. But it didn’t stop him.
Chapter 9
Jay tossed his checkbook register across the desk. Frustrated was the easiest way to describe his mood. He looked at the program on the PC Clint had attempted three times now to teach Jay how to use, but Jay still felt dumb. Hell, he did well to turn the stupid computer on half the time, so he didn’t know why he thought it’d make it easier to try to keep up with his budget on the personal finance software the kids had gotten him for Christmas.
He didn’t know why they’d gotten him the software at all. He didn’t even remember the password to his email, and all of this on top of his stupid fucking hangover from hanging out with those stupid fucking kids the night before was doing nothing for his stupid fucking mood.
It also obviously wasn’t doing much for his vocabulary.
Frustrated.
What a simple word for all the feelings going on inside him. He was thirty-six years old last time he checked, so he didn’t know why he was reduced to angsting like he was sixteen. Self-examination had been one of those things that was supposed to make him a better husband, a better father. Instead, after last night’s near kiss with Landon, it’d made him nothing but an angry, guilty mess.
That Landon had thought Jay would hit him over the near-encounter had distressed him. Then he’d drunk too much and flirted with that Brittany girl and lord knows that didn’t help a bit. She was beautiful, with her long blonde hair, thick legs, and full curves. But when he’d looked at blond hair, he could only think of running his fingers through Landon’s.
And what the hell?
He’d been married for almost twenty years, for fuck’s sake. To a woman.
But you were only ever with that one woman, his traitorous mind reminded him. Fuck you very much.
He’d almost kissed Landon. He didn’t even know if he was ashamed of it, or turned on by it. His cock tenting his sweatpants right then gave him an answer he wasn’t sure he could handle.
He eyed the computer on his desk.
What the hell would it hurt? He just hadn’t gotten laid in forever, a conclusion he’d come to after eyeing Landon’s shirtless torso the other day. He probably just needed to rub one out.
The kids weren’t home. He was all alone.
He clicked up the browser on the computer. He’d never done this, looked for porn on the internet. But even he couldn’t fuck that up, right?
He did a Google search and found a free site. He felt a little bad for it, but hey, desperate times.
When he brought up a video, he watched it almost clinically. It was a strange sensation. Yeah, he was hard, and it was sex. Sex was good.
He did roll his eyes a few times, though, knowing some of what he saw was shit he’d never have been able to get off doing. That made him change the video. When the next one started to play, he watched carefully. Again, he rolled his eyes at the over the top moaning of both participants.
A strange thought crossed his mind, though.
The internet hadn’t been a thing when he was a teenager, and if his folks had caught him with a skin mag, he’d have been toast. He’d seen a couple pornos, obviously, but by the time it would have been something he was into, he was getting regular sex from Bethany. Who needed porn when they had the real thing?
So he’d never… strayed. He’d never looked at anything other than standard old man-on-woman porn. He didn’t know why, or what had his fingers pecking out the words gay man porn in the search box. But… if nothing else, it’d prove a point. He wasn’t gay, therefor, gay porn would do nothing for him.