I exhaled shakily when he released me and allowed myself one more look into his eyes, then walked out of the kitchen before I could do something like fall back into his arms.
As he’d promised me a few weeks ago, he hadn’t attempted anything sexual. The first time he’d kissed my forehead after that conversation, it’d taken a second too long to realize what he’d done and for me to jerk away from the touch.
Before I could reprimand him, he’d smiled sadly and brushed his thumb across my mouth as he said, “I will not kiss you, Briar.”
I just hadn’t realized during that first conversation that that vow had only included my lips. But more and more often recently I found myself craving those little kisses from him, getting a rush when I finally received them.
And as Lucas handed me a bowl of food and sat down next to me on one of the couches in the sitting room, pulling my feet onto his lap, I realized it wasn’t just the kisses and random touches I craved.
It was him.
It was the routine we had gotten into. It was his words and the side of him I could see struggling so hard to break free.
It was odd knowing he was the reason behind my heartache, while also being the cure. Even more so knowing he was keeping me from life back home, and yet as time passed, if given the chance . . . I wasn’t sure I would leave.
Chapter 23
Day 55 with Briar
Lucas
Some might think my life was dangerous. The things I dealt with on a day-to-day, the people I encountered . . .
I guess, in a way, it was.
But I had never been in as much danger as I was in Briar’s presence.
Fear, wariness, adrenaline. All that I should’ve felt on a daily basis in this life, and nothing I ever had until I first saw that girl.
Every moment with her in my arms, with her full lips so close to mine, teasing and begging me for something I knew she wasn’t ready for yet, and with that tempting body curled against mine, that danger grew.
Solidified.
Became a living thing inside me.
As I thought about leaving her to return to work for the first time in the almost two months I’d had her, I realized I was terrified. Not because I worried what would happen when I was gone, but because I wanted more. More hours in the day with her. More of the light that now burst from her. More of her infectious smile. Just more.
But more when I’d already broken so many rules was like playing Russian roulette by myself.
Chapter 24
Home
Briar
I woke to the feel of his lips against the back of my neck and his fingers intertwining with mine. A sound between a hum and a purr moved up my throat.
“Wake up, Blackbird.”
My heavy eyelids slowly blinked open, and I stretched between Lucas and the plush carpet as I tried to orient myself.
I curled my fingers against his, locking our hands against the carpet, and pressed my face against his tan arm as my eyes drifted to the window.
The sun was setting. I was in my favorite part of my level of the house. I had been singing and it had been early afternoon . . . I must have fallen asleep.
I twisted around to look up at Lucas’s smirk.
“Good morning.”
“You’re home.”
His grin widened into a brilliant smile, and he dipped his head to kiss the top of mine. “I’ve been home, but I stayed downstairs to get more work done.”
I held back my disappointment that he hadn’t woken me up earlier. “Do you want me to make dinner, or did you already eat?”
Lucas’s face fell, and he hesitated for a moment. “There’s something we’ve been putting off, and William called me out during a lunch meeting in front of some other men today.”
My stomach dropped at the mention of his twisted mentor. “What is it?”
“Since he’s my mentor, I need to take each girl to visit him once I think she’s ready. Really, it should’ve happened within a week from you moving out of the starter room, but I haven’t wanted you near him.”
I pushed the thought of Lucas having other girls out of my mind. I knew it would happen—but it might destroy me when it did. “And what happens in the visit?”
“Nothing,” he assured me quickly. “It is only a visit for the mentor to make sure I’m not breaking any rules, and that you’re progressing the way you should. What he did that day with you never should have happened and never will again.”
“Not breaking any rules . . .” I mused. “So how do we act? What do I do?”
He smiled warmly. “I’ll go over everything on the way, but I need you to get ready. We need to leave soon.”
My eyes widened when his words finally registered, when everything finally clicked. “Wait . . . leave. We’re leaving the house?”
“That’s usually what happens when you go visit someone,” he said dryly, but winked at me.
“Lucas, I haven’t been outside in months.” I couldn’t contain the smile that spread across my face, and I hurried to scramble out from underneath him. I had only run a few feet toward my room before I turned back around and launched myself at him.
He stumbled back a step but still caught me in his arms. His head dipped and lips brushed against my neck for a second before he nipped at the soft skin there. “That will not be allowed there, but, by all means, greet me this way every day.”
I giggled and pushed away from him, and as soon as my feet were on the floor again, I was running to my large closet to find something to wear.
I was so giddy that my entire body was practically vibrating with excitement.
Outside . . . I was going outside. I was going to breathe fresh air for the first time in months.
I still didn’t know days as they passed by. And while some passed quickly where others felt like weeks, I knew it was sometime in early July from an e-mail Lucas had received a week or so ago.
I’d wanted a specific recipe and, as he often did for me, Lucas had e-mailed William’s women. He normally wrote the recipes out, but that particular morning he’d been called in for a meeting and had just printed off the e-mail instead. It had been dated July 1st—exactly two months after I had been taken.
I had held the paper in my hand for nearly an hour just staring at the date, an all too familiar ache flaring in my chest as I did. And as that date and the rest of the words on the paper blurred, I knew why Lucas never wanted me to focus on what day it was, or how long I had been gone.
Because it hurt too much. Because then I was sucked right back into that pain and grief. Because then the progress Lucas and I had made—the progress he now so patiently waited for, but so obviously craved—seemed to vanish.
But for the first time, my tears hadn’t fallen as I’d mourned Kyle and my life in Atlanta. My eyes had burned and my vision had blurred, but the tears had dried before they could fall. And I’d been left with nothing more than a hollow ache in my chest and memories that transformed into comparisons and denials.