“There have been a few times I was supposed to teach you a lesson for something you did or said, and I couldn’t bring myself to even try,” he confessed, surprising me. His next words seemed detached, and he wouldn’t look at me. “The times I have tried . . . William thinks that I’ve actually raped you. I was supposed to. I know how to teach girls lessons by showing them that I am in control at all times—never them—and not care, but I couldn’t force myself to do that to you. Then after each lesson, I’m supposed to leave you for a certain amount of time, but I hated myself after that first night with you and just needed to check on you. Thank God I did,” he said with a huff. “But the other times, I just kept thinking about that broken look in your eyes, and I couldn’t bring myself to give you a lesson. I forced myself to leave instead of going through with it. The other night . . . William had come back and was with me when the shopper came to me with the number.”
My surprise that William had come back, and that Lucas had let him inside, didn’t go unnoticed, but he simply gave me a look that let me know it wasn’t a subject he would discuss.
“Even if William hadn’t been there, I would’ve known I needed to take back control with you. But your screams before I even touched you made me want to die. I don’t know how long I sat there as years of training flashed through my mind while I tried to tell myself to leave before I could hurt you.”
My eyes widened, and something in me clenched, knowing I’d had it all wrong. The fear that had built during that silent time hadn’t been something he’d planned or been enjoying, but had been minutes of his own torture.
His large hand slid around the side of my neck, and his thumb brushed along the hollow of my throat when he said in a low, rough voice, “Girls are not supposed to receive any pleasure for the first year. It makes them think they have power when they shouldn’t.” The corner of his mouth twitched, hinting at a smile. “I think last week already proves I can’t control myself with you.”
At that time, his touches had felt like a lesson in itself—it surprised me that they hadn’t been allowed at all.
My cheeks burned as I remembered every touch from him, my breaths deepened at their memory. Or maybe my response was from his touch and his voice now . . .
I could feel something changing, a shift in the air between us, and though I knew I should try to stop it, I was powerless to do so. “Oh.” I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, and some distant part of my mind wondered when we had gotten so close, and who had moved toward the other. “Is that all? For tonight anyway?”
Lucas’s eyes danced over my face again and again, indecision and worry twisting through them. “And this,” he said roughly just before his lips fell onto mine.
Chapter 20
Blissful Death
Briar
A whimper of surprise sounded in the back of my throat and I became lost in our kiss. My first reaction was to stop it, because the man with his lips pressed firmly to my own was not my fiancé, and I knew . . . I knew from the bottom of my heart that I needed to continue hating the man holding me. But even if I could stop that man and get away with it, there was no stopping that kiss.
The emotions that rushed through me when his mouth moved against mine were a force all on their own. I was lost to them and him.
My hands wove through his dark hair in a weak attempt to keep him there—to keep Lucas. I was terrified of the moment he would wrench himself away from me, the moment his eyes would turn cold and murderous, but my movement seemed to incite something inside him.
A deep rumble vibrated in his chest, and he released my face to wrap his arms around me. One hand fisted in my hair while the other arm wrapped tightly around my back, holding me closer to him.
There was something possessive in the way he was holding me. And for once, I didn’t mind it. Right there in his arms . . . that felt right.
It shouldn’t, I screamed at myself, and tried to conjure images of Kyle, but all that I saw behind my eyelids was a handsome man with a wicked grin wrapped in darkness.
A devil.
Lucas tugged on my bottom lip with his teeth, eliciting a moan from me from the warm, welcome rush that followed the pain when he bit down.
His mouth moved to my jaw and then down my throat, and I tilted my head back, exposing my neck for him in a silent plea for more.
“Let me take care of you,” he begged when his lips found that sensitive spot behind my ear, his voice dripped with seduction. But there was a hesitation that hadn’t ever been there before.
My mouth parted, but I couldn’t make my throat work. I needed to tell him no but didn’t know how. All I knew was his lips and my racing heart and the heat that was spreading from my belly through my body and the need.
I tightened my grip in his hair and forced his mouth back to mine, and shivered beneath him when he growled in response.
The tips of his fingers traced faint, teasing patterns against my body as he moved slowly down my stomach. The barely there touches and eternal patience he seemed to have as he took his time were driving me crazy. The anticipation was dizzying and made it hard to breathe.
Dark, dark eyes captured mine when he broke away from me. His long, strong fingers pulled one side of my shorts down, and then the other, then repeated the process with my underwear. I lifted my hips off the bed to help him and released a shaky breath when the clothing passed my feet and Lucas tossed them on the floor. Like the touches down my body, his movements were painfully slow as he opened my legs and traced lazy designs on the inside of my thighs.
He was giving me time to stop him.
That time was gone for me. Holding his stare, I nodded subtly and exhaled with a rush when his fingers finally touched where I was now aching. Aching from the need. Aching in anticipation. Aching for him . . .
My head dropped back onto the bed and my eyes fluttered shut as that white-hot knot inside of me tightened. I pressed closer to his hand, trying to get more. But a small part of me shied away, afraid of what more would be like with this man.
“You’re beautiful, Briar.”
I looked up at his hoarse confession to find him watching me with awe.
He captured my mouth with his, but I had to break away when breathing became too difficult. He gripped my chin and brought our lips together again. Taking and taking, a silent reminder of who was really in control. A silent reminder that I would always get the devil with Lucas.
As if I could forget.
My chest ached with the need to breathe, but I continued to give more of myself to that kiss and welcomed the way he took.
With the last of my air, I whispered, “More,” against his lips.
That wicked grin I had seen so many times pulled at his mouth, but no fear entered my body. The sight of it, combined with the look he was giving me, had me vibrating expectantly, because I knew he was about to give me what I’d asked for.
He sat back until I released my hold on his hair, but his fingers never stopped their pleasant torture. My hands fell to his shoulders then slid to his chest where he gently grabbed both of my wrists in his free hand. After brushing his mouth across my joined wrists, he looked up at me from under those thick lashes, and that grin came back.
He bent, his mouth finding my nipple through the thin cotton of my shirt, as he slammed my arms down on the bed above my head and bit down at the same moment he pinched my sex.
I cried out in shock and pain but then moaned at the body-wracking shiver that moved down my spine immediately after.
He sucked on my nipple through the shirt as his fingers brought me to a high I couldn’t explain.