But for some reason, there was a feeling I just couldn't shake. Every time I'd see Blake's name flash on my phone, the thought of him would make my body go crazy. It would try to reason with me that we needed one more time alone together before he was hitched for good before I could never have him again. Just one more chance to feel him and have him feel us, to get him to change his mind. Then Vanessa's voice would echo in my head, telling me to forget about that no-good asshole and get rid of his number. So I did what I did best: I began to distract myself with work.
My work was my salvation. Although my clients were a pain, they were the best diversion I could ever hope for. I went out of my way to fulfill requests, no matter how ridiculous the request. Because I needed the distraction more than anything.
It seemed perfect for a while: I was distracted, clients were happy, and the company was booming with more business than ever. My bosses were so content that they threw money and a promotion at me.
Now it was my promotion party, and while I was smiling as often as I could remember, I couldn't push away the hollow feeling I had on the inside. As great as it was to finally achieve success, it felt empty without someone to celebrate it with. 'Vanessa can only do so much' seemed to be the motto, not that it gave me the willpower to return any of Blake's phone calls. As much as I wanted to.
I was at the bar watching my co-workers inhale the liquor from the open bar, and a tinge of envy overcame me. I would give anything to indulge in the open bar and have that be enough to let me get over this, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. And I had tried--from wine and reading to yoga and running to writing in a journal. I'd done everything I could think of to distract myself, but the nagging wouldn't stop eating at me.
"Oh, my God!" Vanessa laughed as she bounced up to me, her cheeks flushed with the soft glow of one too many Sex on the Beaches. "Check out Mr. Stein dancing like a lunatic to the jukebox," she leaned into me and whispered it loudly, the fumes of her breath taking over all my senses. I gave a half-smile in response as she pulled out her smartphone and started snapping photos.
"Vanessa!" I gasped when I noticed she was actually obviously documenting this. "That's your boss."
"Don't worry," she giggled. "This is for my own personal pleasure." She slipped her phone into her clutch and flipped her hair over her shoulder.
Just then, a group of men walked in and went to the other side of the restaurant. "And one of those guys can be for my own personal pleasure too." She whipped out her lip gloss and powder so fast, it couldn't even have been seconds before her makeup was touched up. "How do I look?" my best friend asked, pursing her lips.
"You're gorgeous, as always. Any of those guys would be lucky to have you," I sighed, the thought of relationships making my stomach turn.
"Gracias. You're coming with me." She took my hand and attempted to lead me to their table as I dug my heels into the linoleum. "And don't try to put up a fight. Fuck Blake." She gave me a knowing look.
The group of guys was sitting in a booth, laughing and drinking beers. Every single one of them had a handsome, rugged look to him as if they were well-off but weren't afraid of getting their hands dirty. The looks they were getting from the women in the bar were embarrassingly transparent, and I had to bite back my laughter. It was hard being on my best behavior when I was almost at the point of giving zero fucks compounded with all of the drinks I had in me.
"Yum," Vanessa practically moaned as she peered over at their table like a kid with cake. "Look at that hottie with the beard and black hair. Mmm, you know I love a man that's built like a quarterback." She licked her perfectly glossed lips.
"I don't think I'm up for this," I rolled my eyes. As handsome as they were, as tipsy as I was, they weren't Blake. No one will ever live up to Blake, I thought, panicked.
"That's your problem right there, you're thinking too much. You let your thoughts consume you and stop you from living sometimes."
"Is that what you think happened between Blake and me?" I glared at her.
"See? No one was even talking about him but because he's in your thoughts, everything becomes about him." She sighed. "Christina, just how do you think you're going to get over Blake?"
"I suppose you want me to fuck one of these guys to achieve that?"
"I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do. But if I could make a request, then yes, I do want you to start living. And yes, Blake hurt you, but he didn't destroy you. You are still alive. Start living your life. I'm not saying fall in love, but get out of this rut. Don't waste another minute."
She was right. She was almost always right. I hate it when she's always right, I groaned inwardly.
"Okay, fine." I rolled my eyes and relaxed my body so she could more easily drag me along.
"Good." She smiled. "Now, about that quarterback." She turned her attention back to the group. "I just need to look at him long enough to figure out whether or not he has a big dick before I waste my time."
"Vanessa!" My eyes opened wide. "Could you lower your voice?" I glanced around me, wondering if any of our bosses had overheard.
"Oh, please," she scoffed.