Vanessa was happily chatting as she led me back to the car, her arm looped through mine at the elbows. I was trying hard to listen, but my mind was clouded with what had just happened and I had trouble hearing her. I mean, I could hear her voice but I wasn't processing any of the words she was saying. Fragments of me were still upstairs with Blake. I could feel a part of me still lying in his bed, and in his arms. How could things change between us so quickly? I was so sure of our future this morning. Now? Nothing is the same. Stop thinking about him, Christina. You'll make a mess of yourself in Vanessa's car.
I slid into the passenger's seat and strapped on my seatbelt. Vanessa was still talking about something, and I just replied a 'mm-hmm' as a response, then looked out the window and watched the scenery zoom by as she drove.
"Christina!" Vanessa said sharply while we waited at the red light. "Are you even listening?"
I sighed sadly. "Honestly? No."
"You want to tell me what really happened up there now?"
"He told me the truth. They're not just business partners."
"So the magazines were right." She nodded. "Asshole."
"It goes deeper than that."
"What do you mean?"
I took a deep breath and tried to focus on the kids playing across the street, attempted to give myself a little bit of joy as a reminder that the world doesn't suck for everyone else. Maybe it'll be okay for me, too. "They're engaged."
Vanessa whipped the car into a parking spot. Cars honked at us but she didn't care. She turned off the engine and stared at me, her mouth open in a perfect, red-painted 'O'.
"What? They are what?"
"Engaged."
"What an asshole!" She leaned back in her seat, stunned. "Did he explain to you how he could have led you on for so long when he had a fiance on the side?"
My head shook from side to side. "No, I didn't need to hear an explanation. I just ran out of there."
Vanessa nodded, her brown eyes full of concern as she watched my expression change. I couldn't keep it in anymore. The tears streamed down my face and Vanessa hugged me to her, trying to quiet down my sobs as she stroked my hair.
"It'll be okay, sweetheart," she cooed. "We'll find you someone new to get your mind off that prick."
I gave a half-chuckle at the thought of moving on from Blake anytime soon, but it was an empty chuckle. For the first time in my life, I felt completely hollow.
Chapter 16
A break up on its own is hard. When you add the fact that your ex's impending nuptials were being printed in all of the newspapers? It was almost unbearable. Everywhere I turned, there was a picture of Blake and her doing something to prepare for the wedding. They were spotted shopping for flowers, tasting cakes, and viewing the most prestigious venues in New York City.
I didn't want to read the articles, but I guess I've become some sort of a masochist. When I wasn't in the supermarket catching up on the tabloids, I was online reading the blogs and e-magazines. I would pop their names in a search engine and read all they would provide. I wouldn't go to bed until three in the morning, and when I woke up, I would read one or two more articles.
Jennifer looked absolutely giddy in all of the photos, always hanging onto Blake's arm with her blinding white smile and her sparkling blue eyes. But when I'd study Blake's pictures, he just looked positively stoic. There wasn't a single photo of him smiling--not that I'd seen many pictures of him smiling in general. It struck me as strange though that a couple in their honeymoon stage wasn't dancing for joy. My heart constricted a little bit more, and I thought of picking up the phone and responding to one of the dozens of texts he'd sent me or finally calling him back. I hadn't bothered reading any of them and deleted them before looking. I was okay with torturing myself with thoughts of Blake through tabloids, but actually having to face the reality of him was a whole different game.
Vanessa was trying her best to cheer me up but even she knew that after he said "I do," I was more than likely to delve into a depression that no one has ever seen before. Putting the fact that he played me aside, a part of me always thought that I was going to marry Blake. If I was completely honest with myself, I had to admit that I would think about our wedding every now and then. The thoughts started after we officially met in the bar, they'd creep in when he'd do something sweet for me or look at me in a certain way. For sure, I thought that we were on track to falling in love--which we were, seeing as how he told me he loved me on our last date--and then later on this year or next year we'd finally seal the deal. In my mind, we would have our wedding in a rose garden so we could exchange our vows around the scent of flowers.
That was before you found out he's a lying, selfish prick, Christina. And now here I was years later, with nothing to show for it.