“Why do I even bother?” I mutter to myself.
Turic’s strong hand is still on my sex, holding it like it belongs to him, which I guess it does. I’m starting to get warm and dirty thoughts clouding my mind so I grab his wrist and push his hand away. We’ll have to save it for the cave tonight. We’re in the wild and although sex with Steamy Smurf would be amazing right now, there are monsters around who would want nothing more than to eat us.
And I don’t want to get eaten. Eaten out? Yes. But not eaten.
“Yes, Turic,” I answer. “The women do have vaginas.” But you’re not going anywhere near their culips or whatever the fuck you called them. A flash of jealousy rips through me just thinking about it.
“Turic will take you to the safety of his village and then Turic will search for these other pink Sandrokas,” he says in a firm voice.
It breaks my heart to picture Mandy all alone out here. I’ve been trying not to think about her because it just makes me sick to my stomach. This is the girl who couldn’t figure out the automatic ticket machine at the movie theater. I had to do it for her. How the hell is she going to survive out here? I have to believe that she’s still okay because the alternative is too much to handle.
Rolanda on the other hand. Something tells me that chick is just fine. I wouldn’t be surprised if Turic took me back to his village and she was there running shit as their new ruler.
“We can’t leave them out here,” I say, feeling the panic rush to my throat now that I have finally let myself think of Mandy and Rolanda. “Can we go look for them now?”
Turic rubs his wide chin as he studies my face. “Turic’s village is only a shake of the alphaeron’s gulas,” he says pointing to the hill in the short distance.
I tap the back of my ear thinking that my translator is broken but then I realize that there’s no translation into English of an alphaeron, whatever the fuck that is.
“So?” I ask, raising my eyebrows. “Like an hour walk? A week? What are we talking here?”
Baby blue is not wearing a watch so I’m not sure how familiar he is with time. “We’ll be there as fast as my Avery comes on my hard cock.”
“Okay,” I say, feeling my cheeks redden. “Then let’s keep walking.”
***
I didn’t know what I was expecting but this was not it.
The village is all rolling hills with little houses dug in them like I just wandered onto the set of the Hobbit. But there are no hobbits here, only massive blue men crowding around me with wide eyes.
“Don’t touch her,” Turic growls as a Drandroka with a missing eye reaches for me. “She’s mine!”
He takes one look at Turic’s angry possessive face and steps back, melting into the crowd.
I step a little closer to Turic’s protective embrace. Now I know how Smurfette must have felt being the only female in a village full of horny blue males. I can tell you, she handled it a lot better than I’m doing.
I feel like it’s ten minutes before closing time and I’m the only girl left at the bar. Luckily, I have the biggest and scariest bouncer by my side.
The crowd parts and this strange old blue dude with leathery skin and yellow hair walks through like he’s some kind of rockstar. He leans on his long crooked staff that has colorful feathers attached at the top as he struts forward. All eyes drop to the ground as he passes, including Turic’s. His body stiffens as the old hippie approaches.
A low growl escapes Turic’s throat and his grip on my arm tightens as blondie reaches out to touch me. Turic lets him stroke my cheek but he doesn’t like it, and neither do I.
“Such hideous skin,” he says as he studies my face.
“Hey!” I snap back. “I don’t have any make-up with me, asshole. And who are you to talk? You’re so wrinkly your face looks like a blueberry’s asshole.”
He just ignores me as he takes my arms and inspects them. “So weak. So frail.”
“Send your friends away and I’ll show you how fucking weak I am,” I hiss, yanking my arm out of his hands.
Turic wraps his arm around me and pulls me behind his massive body, protecting me from any more unwanted touches.
“Loupin,” he says. “This is Turic’s new mate, Avery.”
So, this Stoner Smurf is Loupin. I hate him already.
Loupin’s wrinkly blue lips curl up into a twisted grimace. “She is not Sandroka. She is not Drandroka. She is not even a Grilabite,” he says and the whole crowd laughs. Turic doesn’t laugh. Thoughtful Smurf.
“Why do you bring her here?” he asks, looking me up and down in disgust. “You should have killed her and fed her to the marmoties.”
“It’s nice to meet you too, dickhead,” I say to him from behind Turic’s protective stance.
“Avery may not be a Sandroka,” Turic says, defending me. “But she is female. She has a culip. A beautiful culip that drips with sweetness and smells like the divine Cheecho herself. Turic drank her sweet nectar all of last night and this morning.”