That's why I was thrilled when he practically dragged me home in record time. I wasn't surprised when he threw me over the back of the couch as soon as we'd gotten through the door and proceeded to rip off just enough clothing in order to fuck me roughly from behind. With his newfound sensitivity, doggy-style isn't a position he initiates because he prefers to be able to look into my eyes, but when I push him hard enough, he'll release his inner caveman and go there. And God, that side of him is intoxicating. Especially when I'm feeling unworthy and in need of punishment.
I'd tried to push Vanessa out of my thoughts while Ethan was inside me, but every time he grunted and growled as he thrust, all I could think of was Bear.
I sit up and rub my eyes again. There's a definite soreness between my legs this morning, but at least it distracts me from my hangover; both from the alcohol, and from bitchface Vanessa.
I cock my head and listen. I can hear Ethan's voice somewhere in my apartment. Ordinarily I'd think he was talking to Tristan, but it's Saturday, and Tris is already at the yoga studio, aligning people's downward dogs and beating inner peace into them, whether they like it or not.
I pull on one of Ethan's old T-shirts I use as a nightie and crack open the door. His voice is coming from the kitchen. I sneak down the hallway and see him sitting on a stool at the breakfast bar, naked except for the towel wrapped around his waist. By the look of his hair and the delicious smell emanating from him, I assume he's already showered. His back muscles flex as he leans on the counter, his phone up to his ear
"I just didn't think I'd feel like this," he says quietly. "I mean, after everything we went through in high school, for God's sake. All the anger and bitterness I carried around for goddamn years. I didn't think it was possible, you know?" He listens for a few moments then chuckles. "Yeah, well, you always seemed to know me better than I knew myself. Still, you could at least pretend to be surprised. I have a life-changing epiphany, and you're all, 'yeah, I figured that would happen.' It's not good for my ego."
Goosebumps crawl up my spine the same time a bout of nausea hits me. I'm dreaming right now. I have to be. This can't be happening. He said he might call Vanessa, but I didn't expect it to happen so soon.
He rubs the back of his neck. "Yeah, Cassie's still sleeping. I haven't said anything to her yet. I wanted to speak to you first." He pauses. "I don't know how I'm going to explain it. I guess I'll just be honest. After everything I've put her through, I owe her that." He picks an apple out of the fruit bowl and rolls it in his hand. "Yeah, I think it's a good thing, too. Can I see you this week?" He chuckles again. "So you suggest we meet then tell me you're too popular to see me? Fine. Sort out your schedule and text me when you're free. I've missed you." He signs off then takes a bite out of the apple.
He's missed her? Missed her?!
I struggle for a few seconds with the urge to confront him, but if I don't want my head to explode in jealousy, I'm going to need to be way less hungover when we discuss this.
Accepting my own cowardice, I creep back down the hallway and crawl back into bed. As if my head wasn't pounding enough this morning, now this. He's missed her, so he's going to see her.
Of course he is.
I never truly thought about what would happen if he saw Vanessa again, but I guess now I know. He's going to see her and realize he's still in love with her, and then, boom. That'll be it for us. Engagement, off. Wedding, canceled. It'll be time for me to buy a whole bunch of cats and be forever alone.
I press the heels of my hands into my eye sockets and take deep breaths.
Calm down, Cassie. You're projecting. Ethan loves you. He'd never hurt you like that. Stop letting old wounds dictate your state of mind.
It's amazing how I always hear my affirmations in Dr. Kate's voice. Right now, she'd be disappointed I'm jumping to the worst possible conclusion. I've gotten better at not doing it, but I guess I'm not bullet-proof just yet.
I almost scream in surprise when warm hands close around my wrists, and I open my eyes to see Ethan pulling them away from my face. "Hey. You okay?" He's sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at me with concern. "God, sweetheart. You don't look well. Are you going to hurl? Should I get a bowl?"
I almost laugh. Hangover vomits are the least of my troubles right now.
"I'm fine," I say and take his hand. "Just feeling a bit woozy. Nothing more sleep won't fix."
He leans over and kisses me gently. "Do you want me to stay? I have some errands to run for Mom, but I can always do them later."
"No, that's okay. I know if you miss out on those limited-edition ornaments out in Brooklyn, Maggie's going to freak out. I'll be fine."
He kisses me again. "If you're sure."
He gives me a smile then proceeds to get dressed. I try to keep my breathing calm while trying to imagine him ever meaning as much to Vanessa as he does to me. I can't do it. There's just no way any other woman could possibly love him as much as I do.
"So," I say, trying to be casual. "You're going to see Vanessa?"
He sits on the edge of the bed as he tugs on his boots. "I don't know. I mean, we haven't made a time to meet or anything. Why? Would it bug you if I did?"