“What? What the hell are you talking about? Zayden, get your ass back to the duplex. Don't make me call this girl myself and tell her you're a fraud.”
“Look, she already knows I'm not actually a nanny, okay? You're a little late to the game. Besides, where the hell would you get her phone number?”
Sadie screeches and thrashes around as I struggle to get her into the high chair.
“What's going on?” I hear Mercedes on the other end of the line and groan, letting my head fall back. “Is Sadie okay? You know, if she keeps screaming like that, she probably needs to poop. The doctor said it seemed like she was getting constipated. When's the last time she went?”
“I … have no idea,” I concede as I feel a flutter of panic in my chest. Did I seriously almost consider staying in town? Like, even a little? I get that these aren't all my kids, that I get to give four of them back at the end of the week, but don't you think Rob and Mercedes would milk the shit out of me as a babysitter? No, you don't need to tell me. I know they would.
And then … do I really want to seriously get with anybody? Dating people usually leads to kids at some point. It's practically inevitable.
“What do you want me to do?” I ask as I put a hand to my forehead and struggle to take a deep breath. A second later, there's an angry knock at the door.
“You might want to call up her pediatrician and see if you can get her in today,” Mercedes says as I slog my way over to the door and find the neighbor standing on the porch with a dog in either hand.
“These are yours?” she asks, her wrinkly mouth pinched up, eyes flicking up and down my body with a level of distaste I haven't seen from a woman in a long time. “They knocked over my trash and pulled dirty diapers everywhere. Somebody's going to have to come over and clean that up.”
I just stare at her as I take the dogs and drop them on the floor.
“I left the number in my notes. If you call her up now, I bet you could get Sadie in. She knows us. The co-pay is a little pricey, but you know how Rob's insurance is. Could you take care of that and we'll pay you as soon as we can? We've really blown every last cent on this trip.”
“Yeah. Yep. Uh-huh.” I stare at the neighbor for a moment and then tuck my hand over the phone so Mercedes won't hear. “My baby's super sick,” I say, pausing for dramatic effect as Sadie lets out another scream. “I can't really get on that diaper thing like, right this second.”
“Uncle Zay!” Bella screeches from the top of the stairs. “Kinzie stole my Monster High shirt and now she won't give it back!”
“She's a liar! This is my Monster High shirt. Hers is the one with Draculaura on it.”
“Nuh uh!”
“If you can't come over here and clean up these diapers, get someone else to do it. Don't make me call animal control.”
“Look lady, I don't know how a five pound rat could knock over your trash can. Maybe they took advantage of the diapers, but I doubt they knocked the damn thing over. Sorry, but if you want to call animal control then go for it, I just can't deal with this right now.”
The woman huffs and spins on her heel as I slam the door and lean my back against it, sliding to the floor. We are so epically late at this point it doesn't even matter.
“Call the doctor. Got it. Check the duplex. Got it. Do I really have to post it on Craigslist?”
“We can't make the mortgage without a renter, Zay. I hate to ask, but if you could please get some pictures uploaded, that'd be great. You are such a doll. I love you, you know that, right?”
“Yup,” I say as Dodger trots over to me and lifts his leg. Before my addled mind even really registers what's happening, he's pissed. All. The. Hell. Over. Me. “Can I go now, please?”
“Of course, honey. We'll see you in three short nights, okay?”
“Got it.”
I hang up, struggling to get the end call button to work with my broken cell screen.
I thought I was getting the hang of all this, but I feel so off my game today it's not funny.
“Are we going to school now?” Bella asks as she appears in a pair of lime green fuzzy pajama pants, yellow rain boots, and a lacy tank top that I think she stole from Brooke. “I'm dressed now.”
I lean over and put my forehead on my knees, trying to breathe.
Five days and it'll all be over. Just five short days.
I can so handle this.
I think.
When Brooke gets back from class, I'm just finishing up my dog piss/shit cleaning spree. I swear to Christ, if Rob doesn't start potty training these rats, I'm going to fly my ass up from Vegas for Thanksgiving and stuff the little fuckers for dinner.
“Hey,” I say as I sit up and swipe an arm across my forehead.
“Hey,” Brooke says as she comes in with another girl on her heels, a girl with electric blue hair.
A girl that I recognize.