“What is it? Am I doing something wrong?”
Without thinking, Lily reached out to wipe the dirt from his cheek. Wes stared back at her, and Lily leaned forward, her breath catching as their lips touched. The kiss began chastely, but Wes’s lips were so tender and warm. She moved in closer. She couldn’t believe it. He smelled and tasted exactly as she’d remembered. He felt it too. He stood up and pulled her to him. Lily pressed her entire body against his. She wanted him. She’d never wanted anyone more than she wanted Wes right now.
“I love you. I still love you.”
Wes jerked back as if she’d struck him. Lily realized she had to fix this. She had to make him see that she was the one he wanted. That it had always been her.
“Whatever you want, whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it. Please, Wes, there’s nothing I won’t do.” Lily’s voice was desperate as she reached for his belt. He roughly pushed her away.
“No, Lily, Jesus Christ, no. Don’t!”
She cowered, her hand blocking her face before he could strike her.
Wes stepped forward, stricken.
“I’m not… Jesus, Lily, I wouldn’t hurt you. You have to know that. But I can’t… We can’t…”
Lily heard the pity and the judgment in his voice. What had she done? What was wrong with her? The thoughts of that night at the hospital came rushing back. Horrified, Lily stumbled and almost toppled over into the dirt.
Wes reached out to steady her, but she pushed him away.
“I can’t believe… I shouldn’t have… I wanted to remember what it was like. What it could be like.”
“Lily. I understand.”
But he didn’t. Lily didn’t want to hear anything else. She pushed past him and fled upstairs. She stayed in her room until she was sure Wes had left, and then she texted Dr. Amari, requesting an emergency session.
An hour later, Lily sat across from the doctor and haltingly confessed what had happened. When she was done, she let out a sigh.
“I’m an awful human being.”
Dr. Amari leaned back, her gaze probing.
“Why do you say that?” Dr. Amari asked.
“I kissed Wes.”
“And that’s wrong because?”
Her tone held no judgment. No condemnation.
“He’s Abby’s now. She’s having his baby.”
“That’s true. So, why do you think you kissed him?”
Lily inhaled, her confession tumbling out. “I think about him all the time. When he’s in our kitchen and he pours Abby a glass of water, I want it to be me that he’s pouring it for. When Sky’s sitting on his lap and he’s reading to her, I think, ‘I wish he was reading to our daughter. I wish we were a family.’”
“But he’s not. You’re not.”
“I know.”
“And how does that make you feel?”
“It makes me feel like a horrible person. He’s been so good to me and to Sky. But I liked kissing him. I wanted him. But he’s Abby’s now. They’re having a baby together. And—”
“And you made a mistake. You’re human. You’re an ordinary person who makes mistakes.”
“No. No, it’s not that.”
“What is it, Lily?”
“It’s Rick. He’s made me this way. Turned me into someone who takes what I want, without thinking about the pain it causes the other person.”
“Is that really what you think? Why do you feel that way?”
“Don’t do that. Please don’t do that.”
“Don’t do what, Lily? We all know that Rick Hanson is a depraved individual. You could never be like him. You know why? Because your daughter is a wonderful child, and you are a wonderful young woman.”
Lily’s chest tightened. She stood up, worried she’d explode if she sat any longer.
“Don’t you see that I’ve thought about seducing Wes? I think about it, what I could do, what I’d let him do to me. Anything he wants, so he’ll love me. Not her. But she’s my sister…”
“And Wes was your first love?”
“That doesn’t matter.”
“It absolutely matters, Lily. How could it not? You were a child. A helpless child. And Rick Hanson stole that. He stole your sexuality and your innocence and all those years with your family and even your life with Wes. But Lily, if you were like Rick, you wouldn’t be sitting here in my office, talking about what a bad person you are. You’d be in bed with Wes or you’d be figuring out a way to steal him away. You’re not like Rick, Lily, and nothing you do will make you like him. It’s simplistic but it’s true. Good people make bad decisions. It happens all the time. That doesn’t make you a sociopath; it makes you human. Listen to me when I say you’re not like him. You can never be like him.”
You’re not like him. You can never be like him. Those words echoed in Lily’s head as she left Dr. Amari’s office. She promised herself that would become her mantra, and she’d keep saying it until one day, she’d finally believe it.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
RICK