How do you feel? Overall how would you describe your mood? What color is that emotion? Apparently, there were hundreds of ways to express yourself, and Lily had been forced to suppress them all. Dr. Amari asked difficult questions but never pushed Lily to answer when she wasn’t ready.
The holidays had been more difficult than she’d imagined.
“Tell me why,” Dr. Amari said.
Lily was quiet. She wasn’t quite sure. There were so many things she’d loved. Watching Sky come downstairs to a Christmas tree stuffed with presents, her tiny body vibrating from excitement as she tried to choose her first gift to open. Late-night wrapping sessions with Abby, and helping Meme make her famous pecan pie. But there was something lurking beneath the surface, something she still hadn’t told anyone.
“It’s about Sky, isn’t it? That’s what’s troubling you?”
Lily hated that she’d given herself away. She wasn’t going to discuss Sky.
“She’s doing fine now. She’s making great progress. Her tutor says she’s reading at a third-grade level.”
“Lily, you can’t deny your daughter’s suffering.”
“I kept her safe. I told you—”
“You did. You’ve raised her well, brilliantly, in fact. She’s incredibly smart and intuitive and kind. But she’s not clueless. She knows something wasn’t right about her life down there. She has to be experiencing some kind of aftereffects. Or am I wrong?”
Lily tried to deny it, but Dr. Amari kept pushing and pushing until Lily confessed about Sky’s nighttime activities.
“I don’t know why she’d want to sleep in the closet. I did everything I could to make sure he didn’t hurt her.”
“But she knows that Rick hurt you. She knows something. She has to.”
Lily cried, knowing it was true. No matter how hard she tried, Sky had to know that Rick had harmed Lily. Dr. Amari moved to sit beside her, handing over tissues.
“As much as you want to protect her and move on with life as if none of this happened, Sky lived with the same terror and anxiety you have, even if she was too young to properly communicate it to you. She needs therapy just like you, Lily, and she needs it soon.”
Lily left the office, Dr. Amari’s words ringing in her ears. The last thing she wanted was for Sky to suffer. That night, after they’d said their prayers and kissed Mom and Abby good night, Lily curled up in bed with Sky, wrapping her arms around her, breathing in her perfect scent.
“Baby, do you understand why you can’t see Daddy Rick anymore?” Lily asked, bracing herself for the answer.
“Because he made you sad?”
“Yes. But he also hurt me. You know that, don’t you?”
“I know.”
“And I know it’s hard to understand, but Daddy Rick kept me away from Grandma and Abby and all my friends and family.”
“Why did he do that?”
That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? Lily didn’t understand, so how was it possible to explain to Sky? Lily’s inquiries seemed to give Sky permission, and she unleashed a torrent of questions. Did Daddy Rick still love her? Could she love him? Was she bad because he was her father? Lily realized Dr. Amari was right. She wasn’t equipped to answer these questions. How do you explain to a child what evil is when you don’t understand yourself? She pulled Sky in for a hug. She’d make this right. She’d help her daughter get answers.
With Dr. Amari’s support, Lily and Sky began working with a top-rated child psychologist. There were other things besides Sky’s sleep issues, phobias Lily hadn’t realized: large crowds, public spaces, food hoarding, suppressing her emotions. Sky thrived in therapy, enjoying the games her new “friend” Dr. Dobson taught her each week.
Dr. Amari was working with Lily, trying to prepare her for the day when Sky would go to school, something she constantly talked about. Dr. Amari stressed the importance of allowing Sky to have a real childhood, which meant interacting with children Sky’s age. Lily wasn’t ready to send Sky to school, but she hoped that one day soon she would be.