“So what, Wes? It doesn’t matter.”
He grabbed her arm again. “So, you’re okay with the fact that she kissed me? That her mouth was on mine and our bodies were this close, and I liked it. No. I loved it. We were all alone and I thought, why not? I could so easily be with her. I remembered exactly what it was like back then. She was my first love too. I remember how excited she was to be around me, how easy things were. When she kissed me, I thought, maybe I should pick her. She’ll laugh at my jokes. She’ll be grateful for everything I do for her. Most importantly, she won’t punish me for loving her. But don’t you see, Abby? You’re not interchangeable. I can’t pick and choose one of you at random. I love you. I love you even though you’re a total bitch, even though you make me crazy. I love you. Not Lily. And maybe you’ll keep punishing me. Maybe you’ll keep punishing yourself, but don’t tell me it doesn’t matter. This matters. We matter. And I’m not letting you go until you say it.”
She stared at him, his hand on her arm, holding her, clutching her. Abby pushed him away and headed down the sidewalk, feeling nauseated and dizzy. She needed to get away from him, to get away from the image of his lips locked with Lily’s, bodies pressed together. She slowly made her way to the street, but a sharp pain in her abdomen nearly sent her tumbling to the ground. She reached out, grabbing onto a nearby car to steady herself. Wes was by her side in an instant.
“Abby? Are you okay? Is it the baby?”
A contraction crashed into her, and she gasped. “Yes! Oh shit. Call Mom and Lily. I want them at the hospital. Please, get them there.”
“I will, Abs. I swear.”
Wes put his arms around Abby and carried her to his pickup. He held on to her, whispering about how much he loved her and about how much he was going to love their baby.
Abby couldn’t believe he was still here. After all the horrible things she’d said and done to him, he was here. A contraction crashed into her, and Abby closed her eyes. This pain was almost welcome. She wanted to say something, to make him understand why she did the things she did. How it had nothing to do with him. Instead, she took his hand in hers and held on for dear life.
“Don’t leave me, okay? You won’t leave me?”
“Not a chance.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
LILY
Breathe, Abs. I know it hurts, but if you breathe, it’s not as bad.” Lily was coaching Abby, calmly clutching her hand, wiping her sweaty forehead, and feeding her ice chips. “You’re so brave. So brave.”
The contraction passed and Abby laughed. “I’m in one of the top hospitals in the state with the best doctors and lots of drugs, which I will be demanding very soon, and you’re calling me brave? That is crazy.”
Lily took the wet cloth and wiped Abby’s brow again. Wes had gone to check on Sky and their mom, or at least that was the excuse he’d given her. Lily was pretty sure he knew they needed some time alone. Now it was just the two of them, waiting for Abby’s baby to arrive.
“I can think you’re brave if I want to. You can’t stop me.”
Abby smiled but then quickly sobered. “When you had Sky… how hard… how did you do it?”
Lily was quiet. The day Sky was born was the day Lily was reborn. Lily knew when the baby kicked that something was changing, not only physically, but emotionally. Her desire to survive blossomed with each passing month. She’d still challenge Rick, refuse some of his wishes, but her recklessness lessened. It made her reassess everything. If he wanted an obedient doll, that’s what she would become.
The day Sky was born, Rick had left for an annual teachers’ conference in New York. In the middle of the week, in the middle of the night, her contractions began, slamming into her body, the pain overwhelming her. After eleven agonizing hours, her water broke. Lily remembered the moment so clearly.
“The pain was nothing. In fact, I welcomed it, because I knew I wouldn’t be alone anymore. I kept pushing and crying and telling her I was ready for her. When she landed on the bed of blankets and towels I’d arranged, she cried so loudly. It was the first human sound I’d heard—other than his voice—in so long. Her eyes were so wise and knowing. It sounds crazy now, because she was this innocent little baby, but she’d been sent to keep me going.”
Abby squeezed Lily’s hand. “You are the brave one, Lilypad. You’re so fucking brave.”
Lily smiled, wiping the tears from Abby’s cheeks. “We’re twins. It’s genetic.”
They were quiet then, Abby doing her Lamaze breathing, Lily rubbing Abby’s back, feeding her more ice chips, coaching her.