“Go to hell.”
I stepped back and lifted the belt, its weight multiplying exponentially with each millisecond. “Sara.”
Her eyes opened at the sound of her name. Seeing my stance in the mirror, she replied, her words drenched in tears as well as defeat, “Reminders.”
“What do they do?”
“They help me to not forget.”
I stepped closer and rubbed the leather over her round behind one more time. “Don’t forget it’s your job to count.”
With her lip still between her teeth, she nodded. I stepped back. The belt cut through the still air, creating a whistling sound; however, the crack never came. I’d stepped just out of reach. The clank of the buckle as it hit the linoleum floor bounced off the walls.
Sara’s eyes opened, questioning what had happened, yet she remained as statuesque as I’d taught her.
Reaching to the ground, I picked up her bra and panties. All the while her frightened eyes in the mirror watched my every move. Placing them next to her on the vanity, I said, “Get dressed, Stella. I’m calling my handler. This is over. The FBI will help you.”
Her back collapsed as she exhaled in relief, her small breasts flattening against the fake marble.
I expected an expletive, something. Instead she slowly straightened herself and stood. Staring at me incredulously, still through the mirror, I found the acidic contempt I’d sought. After gathering her underwear as well as her jeans and sweater, she walked into the small bathroom containing the lavatory and shower. The click of the lock eroded any lingering pieces of my heart.
Sinking to the bed, I rubbed my hands over my face.
Fuck!
That wasn’t what I’d wanted to do.
Holding her and explaining everything felt right. Risking her life didn’t.
I’d told her it was her decision, and it was. Her conflict was clear. And then, the way she’d used my real name when she accepted my apology, I’d known she was leaning toward the best decision, toward taking the offer of deprogramming and witness protection. I also knew that if I was the reason she returned to The Light and anything went wrong, I’d never forgive myself. Though she might not have said her decision in words, she had in her tone and actions. I knew her well enough to hear it loud and clear.
I heard the shower through the thin walls. Reaching for my jacket, I pulled two phones from my pocket. The one that I always used, my The Light phone, blinked. I looked at the screen and my heart sank. Though it was only nearing four in the morning in Fairbanks, in Detroit it was nearing eight. That meant the Assembly and Commission would be meeting soon.
I had a voice mail from Father Gabriel.
Apprehensively I pushed the sequence of buttons that allowed the voice mail to play.
“Brother Jacob . . .”
I replayed the message again, hoping I’d imagined it. After all, I hadn’t slept much in the last twenty-four hours. Maybe it was nothing more than a mirage.
Can mirages be auditory as well as visual?
Running my fingers through my hair, I turned on the burner phone. Special Agent Adler answered right away. I turned away from the bathroom and lowered my voice. “She knows a lot, not everything, but she’s not going back.”
“Then that’s it. Stay where you are, we’ll send a plane. We’ll bring you both back to the Anchorage field office.”
I swallowed the bile. “Yes, sir. We’ll be waiting for the call.”
“McAlister, you’ve done your best. Going back without her wouldn’t work. Hell, going back with her would’ve been risky.”
“Yes, sir. I know it’s not up to me, but I need to tell you, move fast.”
“You know we can’t possibly get enough people to the Northern Light for at least three hours. Even then it would take most of our Alaskan agents. One or two more days would allow us to get more agents there and be prepared.”
I fisted my hair, pulling it from the roots. “Sir, I woke to a message from Father Gabriel.”
“And?”
“As I told you, he’s in Detroit right now, at the Eastern Light.”
“Yes, and . . .” My handler was beginning to sound impatient.
“He instructed me to take my supplies back to the Northern Light and leave tonight for the Eastern Light.”
“Tonight?”
“Yes, sir. It’s approximately a four-and-a-half-hour flight, but with the time difference if I leave Northern Light at nine tonight, I’d arrive at Eastern Light by six in the morning, Detroit time.”
“Is this an unusual request?”
“Part of it was,” I said, having trouble coming up with the words to explain it.
“Agent, I’m waiting.”
“A few weeks ago, I petitioned the Commission to allow me to take Sara with me when I flew. They hadn’t made a decision. That’s why if I tell them I took her, it’ll be a punishable transgression.”
“Yes, you mentioned that yesterday during our short debriefing.”
“Sir,” I said, “Father Gabriel said in his message that my petition was granted. I was told to bring Sara.”