Regardless of how great last night was for me—it was pretty damn great—I have a daughter who doesn’t seem to be okay with how things are progressing.
Children who lose parents have a lot of abandonment issues, and had I met Evi in a normal way, I think Bria would be more accepting of our situation. Bria feels as if we start dating, she will lose Evi. It actually has nothing to do with me.
I think we have to wait it out and stay friends for the time being. Bria is my first priority, and she’s all I have left.
It’s not permanent. Bria will come around. I know she will.
I look over at Evi, and she’s pulled her knees into her chest, withdrawing from me. Her eyes are bloodshot, and the idea that I’ve caused her pain breaks my heart.
She’s so good, so happy. And I broke her. All I had to do was wait, but I didn’t, couldn’t, and we ruined it.
“You okay?” I whisper as Bria dozes on my shoulder. She nods but doesn’t look at me.
I know she’s not okay.
I know she’s insecure about our relationship. She alluded to Isabel a few times on our date, and I think she feels like she has to compete.
But that’s the thing. There’s no competition. I love Evianna.
I love her.
It’s the first time I’ve admitted it to myself.
I want this to work out. I really do.
I just hope I don’t break her. I know she’s fragile.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” I say a few minutes later as the seatbelt signal disappears.
“Okay,” she mumbles, not looking at me.
“Evianna…” I whisper. “I’m going to the bathroom,” I say, nudging my neck to the back of the plane.
I stand up and walk back, hoping she gets the hint.
Thirtynine.
Evianna
I stare at Nick’s backside as he walks back towards the bathrooms.
Did he really just ask me to meet him in an airplane bathroom?
I nudge Bria and whisper into her ear.
“I have to go to the bathroom, Bria,” I say, but she’s fast asleep. I hear her grunt something incomprehensible, and when I stand up, she slumps over and lays her head in the next seat over. I feel bad leaving her, so I ask the flight attendant to keep an eye on her while I make my way to the back of the plane.
As I walk back, I think about what I’m going to say to Nick. I’d been so afraid of competing with Isabel, that I never stopped to think that there could only really be one woman in Nick’s life: Bria. He has to focus on her. He has to put her first, and I definitely won’t blame him for that when he inevitably does. She’s gone through enough, losing Isabel and Matthias. Though it hurts to admit, my very own words to her last night were exactly what I needed to hear.
No one can ever replace your mommy.
I was stupid to think that this could all work out so easily. Nothing was easy. Nothing this good was ever easy. Right?
I knock on the only bathroom in the back of the plane, and I look around. No one is watching. I hope. I hear Nick unlock the door, and then he’s pulling me into the bathroom with him.
If I wasn’t so confused, that would’ve been so hot.
“Nicholas Wilder,” I say slowly as he locks the door behind me. I’m pressed up against him. “I’m not some cheap whore you can fuck in an airplane bathroom, you know,” I say as he stares at me intently. I feel my mouth go dry, and my body slackens against the door. Being in such close proximity to him is so distracting.
“Evianna Halle… you have a dirty mind,” he says, smiling. “But don’t worry, I only pulled you in here to talk. Even I am above joining the mile-high club.”
I cross my arms and look at him.
“Go ahead,” I say, feigning exasperation. Really though, my heart is racing, and being pressed up against him is not helping with the dirty thoughts running through my head.
“I think we should take a few days to regroup,” he says, and he looks down. “For the time being, it’s best if we’re friends—employer, employee, that sort of thing. Let’s just let everything blow over, and we’ll figure out how to go from there.”
“Okay,” I say simply. He watches me, confused.