“What?” I say, slightly amused and definitely turned on. “Nick…”
“I’m not going to fuck you, Evi, if that’s what you’re thinking. I told you, when the time comes, I want to do it properly. Right now, I just want to forget that I have responsibilities and obligations and reasons for not doing what I’m about to do.”
I suck in a large mouthful of air at his words, and I do as he says, standing up and turning away from him. I rest my arms against the door of the bathroom, and I feel him press himself against my back.
“You are unraveling me inch by inch, Evianna Halle,” he whispers into my ear. “You consume me, body and soul, and I want you to know that I’m sorry I can’t do this,” he says, kissing my neck softly. I audibly groan. Again. “I’m sorry I can’t do this,” he says, bringing his arms around me and pulling me into him tightly and kissing my jaw. “I want to do these things, but we have to wait. I just wanted you to know how very much I want these things… how much I want everything… with you.”
“Nick…” I whisper, overcome with emotion. “Kiss me here,” I say, touching my lips softly.
“I’m not going to kiss you there,” he says, pulling away. I whimper.
“Why not?”
He throws his shirt back on and unlocks the bathroom door.
“Because I wouldn’t be able to stop,” he says simply, and then he brushes past me. In a second, he’s gone, and I’m left panting in an airplane bathroom.
I close the door again and lock it. I pull the toilet seat top down and sit, because my knees have given out, and I need a few minutes to compose myself before exiting the bathroom. I fan myself with a barf bag.
My life is so glamorous.
I stand and splash my face with cold water. I stare at my reflection. My skin is bronzed and sun kissed, and my eyes are extra green right now. I haven’t brushed my hair in probably two days, but instead of being ratty, it’s wavy and thick because of the ocean water. My lips are red from the sun.
Am I ready for this?
Am I ready to dive head first into a serious relationship?
The real question is… am I ready to possibly live my life without Nick in it?
Absolutely fucking not.
Forty.
Nick
It’s been three days since I’ve seen Evi. I can’t stop thinking about her. When we agreed on a break, some time to mull things over, I never imagined how miserable I’d be. I’m back to work, and Cecelia is watching Bria for a few days while Evi takes some personal time. I never knew how different our lives were without her—how much darker my days seem. I make breakfast for two, but Cecelia doesn’t exactly fill the same spot in my heart that Evi does.
And weirdly, neither does Isabel.
I went to a grief counselor for a couple months immediately following the accident, and he told me that when it came time to move on, I’d surprise myself, because it would never feel like Evi was replacing Isabel. She’d fill a new role, and she’d have her own place in my heart. I never thought he’d be right. At the time, I was in denial that I’d ever find love after Isabel, something he pressed upon me. “Loving someone else is the only way to truly move on, no matter how long it takes you.”
Now I see what he was talking about.
Her mind, her beauty, the sparkle in her eyes have captivated me, the way she can make Bria smile with just a look, the way she touches me…
Evi is so important to me. I can’t visualize my life without her. When I think thoughts like that, I feel incredibly lucky to have loved such wonderful women. Though one of them is gone, I’ll never stop loving her.
And I don’t ever plan on losing Evi like I lost Isabel.
Not if I can help it.
Fortyone.
Evianna