“Fine with me,” Nick mumbles, and I glare at him. When I said that I understood how he must’ve felt when the ticket guy asked if he wanted a family pass, I didn’t think that meant he was allowed to be rude to me. No matter what the hell happened back there, I know it wasn’t my fault, and I’m already sick of Nick blaming me for things.
The worker closes the door, and the outside world is silenced. I look at our pile of umbrellas waiting on the ground. I hope they don’t blow away.
“Daddy, we’re going up!” Bria yells, tugging at his shirt.
The motion seems to remind him of her previous gesture towards me—the one that freaked him out so much—because he just nods once and looks away. I cross my arms.
This is what I meant when I asked Cecelia if everyone was okay. I didn’t want to become this person, the woman who comes after Isabel—the person always following in her footsteps. The woman that reminds Nick of what he doesn’t have.
But here I am, being shunned for something I didn’t intend to do. I can’t control his feelings, and he should know that. I’m only doing my job.
So much for making newer, happier memories. I just stare out at the misty expansiveness. I lean my head against the cool plastic, trying to forget the last time I was on one of these things.
I’ll love you forever, Ev.
This isn’t a marriage proposal, but know that I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
I’ll never love anyone the way I love you.
Ev and Dan forever…
I laugh bitterly when I think of that last one. More like Mia and Dan forever now.
Nick cocks his head at me. I didn’t realize I’d actually laughed out loud.
“You okay?” he asks.
“Fine,” I answer, crossing my legs and pulling as far away from him as I can get. “Just feeling a bit sea sick,” I lie, hoping that’ll cover for my lack of enthusiasm. I can tell he doesn’t want to be here just as much as me. “How long does this thing go again?” I ask.
“Forty minutes,” he says, and the dread in his voice is laughable.
“Great,” I mutter.
Bria notices the change in the air, and she slowly climbs over to my bench. I unconsciously uncross my legs and pat my lap. Since I first met her, I’ve felt unexpectedly nurturing towards her. I chalk it up to normal female, motherly instincts. She hops into my lap, and I clasp my arms around her, cuddling her closely to me.
“My mommy and bwother are thomewhere in there,” she says, pointing to the white mist. “Grammy Ceecee says they’re in heaven, in the cloudth.”
“I know, sweetheart,” I whisper, closing my eyes.
I don’t want to see the look on Nick’s face right now. I know it’ll crush me. When I open them a few minutes later, he’s sitting with his face in his hands.
God.
I can’t handle this.
Is he crying? Oh god, what if he’s crying? I watch as his body remains still. He’s probably past the stage of crying at this point.
Bria squirms in my lap, unaffected by her sad words just a moment ago. She looks at her dad, and I feel her physically slump into me. His grief is affecting her.
I can’t take it anymore. I have to do something. We have like thirty-five more minutes, and I already feel like it’s been hours.
“Have you guys ever played Would You Rather?” I ask, overly enthusiastic.
Nick’s head jerks up, and he looks at me like I’m crazy. I just smile and shrug.
“No,” Bria says quietly. “How do you play?” Her honey-colored, curious eyes look up at me from my lap.
“Well,” I explain, ignoring Nick, “I give you two scenarios. And you have to choose which one you’d rather do.”
“Okay…” she says skeptically. “Ask me.”
“Hmm…” I pretend to think. “Would you rather have five legs or no arms?”
She turns around and looks at me, disgusted.
“Neither,” she cries. “Both would be bad.”
I try a different approach.
“Would you rather only be able to eat your favorite food for the rest of your life or never eat your favorite food again?”
She looks at Nick inquisitively. I see a small smile form on the edge of his lips.
“Favorite food for the westh of my life!” she yells, and Nick laughs.
The spell is broken!