Another boom of thunder made her body tighten. Carefully, I reached out to smooth my palm over the front of her thigh. “It’s okay. It’s just a little rain.”
Amnesia glanced down to where I stroked her bare skin. Neither of us acknowledged the fact she was covered in goose bumps. Her hand lifted off the counter, and my hand paused. She reached past my arm and toward my waist where her fingers found the hem of my shirt.
I swallowed thickly, then tried to swallow again. My body stilled, so inert I didn’t even think my blood dared to flow. The second her fingers delved beneath the fabric and stroked over my side and up my back, I nearly slumped forward, unable to hold up my own weight.
Both my palms pressed flat on the countertop on either side of her hips, my head bowed toward my chest. Am’s hand explored the bare skin of my back, gliding along, tracing the line of my body.
When her other hand came around to join it, I sucked in a breath and prepared for another assault. But instead of more of what she was already doing, she lifted the shirt, gently tugging it upward.
Lifting my chin, I gazed at her, surprised. Her eyes met mine, hands tugging again. Shifting, I stood back and pulled the shirt over the back of my head and tossed it at my feet. Before I could lean back down, her palms hit my chest and brushed outward toward my biceps. My eyes drifted closed, and I submitted to her completely.
Her fingers discovered my chest and shoulders just as they had my back. When her thumbs brushed over my nipples, they hardened instantly, so much it was almost painful. Shifting, I pressed my lower half even harder against the cabinets as her hands travelled down my stomach.
I didn’t know how long she touched me, but it would never be long enough. After a while, she sighed, sat forward, and dropped her forehead onto my chest. Instantly, my arms went around her. The only sound I heard was the thundering of my own heart.
“I’ll drive you home,” I offered when I thought I might be able to speak normally.
Her back stiffened, and she lifted her head. “I don’t want to go.”
“What do you want, Am?” I asked, trailing a finger down the side of her face.
“I want to stay here tonight,” she said, her eyes sweeping over my naked torso.
Sweet Jesus, she was testing me tonight.
It took me a minute before I could reply. “I don’t think you’re ready for that.”
“Why?”
“Because you just remembered something about yourself. And I know you didn’t say it, but I can tell whatever memory led to your name wasn’t a good one.”
“It was pretty terrible,” she admitted, glancing away.
“Sex won’t make it any easier, baby,” I said gently, barely believing the words coming out of my mouth. God, I was insane. I wanted to have sex with her more than just about anything on this planet, but here I was saying no.
Dude. I must really be in love.
My dick was threatening to leap off my body.
Amnesia laughed. An odd response to basically just being turned down. Of course, maybe that was the shit I heard in my head. Maybe something else had come out of my mouth.
Well, shit.
“Easier?” She scoffed. “Nothing has been easy since I woke up in that hospital with literally nothing.”
I tried to really listen. She deserved my undivided attention, but man, I was relieved. I had to give myself a mental high-five for keeping my shit together and doing what was best for her.
With a low groan, I traced a couple freckles over the bridge of her nose. “I know. That’s why I don’t want to make things any more complicated.”
“Sex complicates things?”
Sometimes I forgot just how innocent she was. Waking up with no memory or experiences to fall back on made it so I had to be so incredibly careful with her. And doubly, I had no idea what kind of experience could trigger a memory or flashback.
Some of the burning horniness in my body dwindled when I thought about that. I had a very strong feeling that whatever Amnesia had been though, rape was part of it.
I fucking pray to God I’m wrong.
“Sometimes,” I admitted.
“Can I be one hundred percent honest with you?” she asked, her voice a little shy.
“I would one hundred percent fucking love that.” I smiled.
She smiled back. She had a beautiful smile.
Thunder still rumbled in the distance. Rain still pattered against the roof and windows. Suddenly, a flash of lightning streaked through the sky and momentarily lit the kitchen with a crack of neon light.
I knew she told me she wasn’t scared of the rain anymore and there were bigger things to be frightened of now. But the need to shield her was ingrained in me. The loud sounds, the flashing light, and yeah, remembering how much Sadie hated the rain made it near impossible to just ignore the storm outside.
Or maybe I just wanted an excuse to hold her.
Before she could confess whatever it was she wanted to, I lifted her off the counter, and her legs wrapped around me automatically. I carried her across the linoleum floor, through the archway, and into the living room. I sat on the leather couch, keeping her in my lap.
With a heartfelt sigh, Am melted forward, laid her chin against my shoulder, and tucked her face into my neck.
Yanking the blanket off the end of the couch, I spread it out, tucked it around her back, and wrapped my arms around her. After long, quiet moments of me just lightly rubbing her spine, she began to talk.
“Dr. Kline said memories could come like flashes, just kind of taking over my brain and vision. But I really had no idea it would be like that. It was so scary.”
I didn’t say anything because she didn’t want me to. She just wanted me to listen.
“I was in the shower. I was still so upset from what happened between us. I grabbed the soap. Then all of the sudden, I was back there…”
She began to tremble, something I fiercely did not like. Abandoning the backrub, I wrapped both arms around her tight.
“I…” Her voice faltered, and she drew in a shaky breath. “It was worse than I imagined.”
“You don’t have to tell me,” I murmured. Anger lit inside me. I didn’t know what happened to her. I didn’t even know if there was someone to blame. But if there was, I truly wanted to kill them.
“Honestly, I don’t think I can.” Abruptly, she sat up, her eyes apologetic.
“Hey,” I whispered, pulling the ends of the blanket closed around her chest. “It’s okay.”
“I’ve always had this sense of… relief about not being able to remember. I always was kinda ashamed of that. Kinda confused, you know?”
I nodded. I didn’t really know. I didn’t think anyone could know. But I definitely empathized.
“It’s sort of like having something checked off your to-do list. You know, that sense of accomplishment, the feeling of truly being able to relax.”
“Yeah, I get that.”
She nodded. “That’s how I felt. I wanted to remember. I try every single day. Having an empty mind is greater than that sense of relief. Dr. Kline told me my amnesia was my mind’s way of protecting me. After today, I know she’s right.”
Cupping the side of her face, I leaned up, pressing a lingering kiss to her cheek.