Because this is life, now. Life without her.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t get her face out of my mind. The way she looked at me that night—so angry. I expected her to be hurt. I steeled myself to see her cry. In some fucked-up version of it, I think I even imagined holding her, being the one to soothe the pain, even though I was the asshole causing it. I wasn’t prepared for such rage.
I’m well aware of how royally I fucked things up, but at this point there’s nothing more I can do about it. I just have to get used to this hollow ache in my chest.
I sit at the bar, staring at my glass of Jameson. I hung out at home for a while after work, but it was too damn quiet. I didn’t even think about where I was going, just took a walk and found myself here.
I glance over at the two blondes sitting nearby. It’s Friday night, and the place is busy, but these two stand out. They’re not here with anyone else, and they’re both dressed like they mean business. Low-cut shirts, tight skirts showing a lot of leg. It’s after one, and their shimmery makeup tells me they probably started out clubbing.
They’ve been watching me for the last ten minutes.
There are several shot glasses in front of each of them, although they’ve been sipping water since I got here. They cast obvious glances at me, looking me up and down. Then they lean toward each other and talk quietly, smiling and laughing.
I could probably have both if I wanted.
They have that look. The one that says I’m in the mood to do something fucking crazy tonight. I could go over to their table, and in five minutes have both walking out the door with me, one on each arm.
I’ve never done it before. A threesome would be uncharted territory for me. I’d act confident, like I have so many women throwing themselves at me, I do it all the time. Like I’m so fucking incredible, they all have to share. And I’m sure I’d make it work. I’d lose myself in their skin, their tits, their pussies. For a little while, they’d make me forget.
“Hi.”
I saw them coming and didn’t turn. I’ve given them nothing—no eye contact, no sly smile. Apparently I didn’t need to.
I take a sip of my drink. “Evening.”
“I’m sorry to bother you,” one of them says, the smell of tequila coming off her. “I’m Amy. Sabrina and I couldn’t help but notice you’ve been sitting here all by yourself.”
I nod, still not quite looking at them. “Yeah.”
Amy lifts her ass up onto the barstool next to me and slides on, crossing her legs. Sabrina stands next to her, chewing on her lower lip.
“Do you want some company?” Amy asks.
I take a deep breath. Do I? I’ve felt like shit for weeks, and nothing helps. It would be nice to feel something else, even though I know it won’t last. I look at Amy out of the corner of my eye. She licks her lips, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.
I buy time by taking another drink.
“In case we’re not being clear,” Amy says, leaning close, her voice sultry and low, “Sabrina and I would both like to know if you want company tonight.”
I swallow. They’re not looking for emotion—no truth, no expectations. Just sex. Just a wild and crazy experience with some guy they don’t know. I could take them home, fuck them both to pieces, and send them on their way. It would be everything they’re looking for. No one else would have to know.
I’d know.
“Amy,” I say, finally turning toward her. Straight blond hair frames her face, and her thick eye shadow sparkles, even in the dim light. Her lips have a hint of bright pink lipstick; the rest probably rubbed off on the glasses of all the drinks she’s had. Her eyes aren’t quite focused. “I love that you came over here to talk to me. That was really brave. But, as tempting as you are…” I look her up and down, like I’m enjoying what I see, then do the same to Sabrina. “I’m afraid I have to decline.”
Sabrina instantly looks dejected. Damn it. I was trying to let them down easy.
Amy doesn’t seem to want to give up. She tilts her head and brushes her hair behind her shoulder. “Are you sure?” She trails a finger up my arm.
I look her in the eyes, holding her gaze for a long moment, and she freezes. “I’m sorry, Amy, but I can’t. My heart belongs to someone else, and I can’t do that to her.”
Their expressions instantly change—eyebrows drawn in, little frowns crossing their mouths.
“Aw,” Amy says. “You look so sad.”
I toss back the rest of my drink and stand. “Yeah, well, I deserve it. Can I get a cab for you? I’d like to make sure you get home safe.”
They look at each other, and Amy answers. “No, I don’t think we’re ready to call it yet.”
I smile at both of them. “Have a good night, then, ladies. It was very nice meeting you.”
I set my glass down on the bar and walk out the door without looking back.