“Okay.”
Landon leaned closer. “Prepare yourself. I think this is going to be something special.”
I didn’t get a chance to respond, because he slammed his lips against mine and tumbled me to the bed before I could find the appropriate words.
Love in the afternoon indeed.
“THAT WAS LITERALLY THE worst thing that ever happened to me!” Landon bellowed as he glared at the wall ten minutes later.
I absently patted his arm. “You’re okay.” Unlike him, I believed I knew what was going to happen before the main event … and I wasn’t wrong.
“I’m okay? We basically just had a heavy petting session with Nickelback music. Then, at the moment we were supposed to … you know … the room faded to black and then we were back without music and romance. It was as if an invisible force threw a bucket of cold water on us. What’s that about?”
I worked overtime to maintain my amusement. “It’s a soap, Landon. It’s not porn. There’s no actual sex on a soap. There’s just a music montage and then the moment after. That’s how things work.”
“I’m filing a complaint.”
“With who?”
“Oh, I’ll find someone.”
All I could do was nod. “Okay, but I think we should head back downstairs. I’m guessing we all had an occurrence like this, and we’re about to head to our next adventure.”
“I’ve been traumatized,” Landon complained, groaning as he got to his feet. “This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I know I said it before, but I really meant it, so I’m saying it again.”
“You’ve been shot.”
“It was still worse.”
“I’ll have to take your word for it.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I’ll let you forget this.”
I had no doubt he was telling the truth.
So … she’s sleeping with both the father and the son? That’s gross. I guess I should thank my lucky stars that she didn’t add in the grandfather. Wait a second. Is that the grandfather? He looks younger than the son. He’s much hotter than the others. I’m starting to think she’s crazy.
– Winnie on soap opera casting decisions
Eleven
“I know where we have to go.”
Thistle, Clove, Marcus and Sam were waiting for us at the front door when we hit the bottom of the stairs.
“And where is that?”
“An island.” Thistle held up a magazine. “Check this out.”
I accepted the magazine and flipped it over so I could see the front cover. Aunt Tillie smiled back from the glossy page, a huge diamond in one hand, a lewd gesture displayed with the other, and a beautiful beach behind her. The headline read “Life’s Better on Witch Island.”
Landon read over my shoulder. “Do I even want to know what Witch Island is?”
“I’m pretty sure it’s our next destination, so we might need whatever information is in this article.” I planted the magazine in his hand. “Where did you find it?”
“Our apartment.”
“Oh, did you have a disco ball, too?”
Thistle shook her head. “Waterbed. Sex music. Unlimited porn.”
I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing. “I see.”
“No happy ending,” Marcus added. “Also, it wasn’t porn. It was like a sanitized version of porn. It was like porn-lite.”
“You seem to know a lot about porn,” Clove pointed out. “I don’t think you would still be Aunt Tillie’s favorite if she knew about your porn predilection.”
“It’s not a predilection.”
“It sounds like a predilection.”
“Stop saying ‘predilection,’” Landon ordered, his temper flaring. “We need to focus on this stupid island. That’s clearly where we have to go next. Thistle didn’t stumble across that magazine by accident.”
Thistle’s expression was hard to read. She stared at Landon a long moment before shifting her eyes to me. “What’s his problem?”
“Music montage blue balls.”
“Hey!” Landon extended a finger. “We said we were never going to speak about it again.”
Thistle’s shoulders shook with silent laughter as Clove’s cheeks turned red.
“Landon isn’t a fan of the music montage,” I added.
“Don’t forget the bacon bath,” Landon snapped. “You’re totally making it up to me.”
“I won’t forget.”
“Then let’s get moving.” I thought he was angry, so I was surprised – and rather pleased – when he linked his fingers with mine and tugged me toward the door. “We have an island to visit.”
“How much do you want to bet it’s like the world’s cheesiest island?” Thistle asked as she followed. “You just know Aunt Tillie’s version of Witch Island has to be completely messed up.”
I nodded as we cleared the door. “But the terror is real.”
IT TURNS OUT WITCH ISLAND had more in common with Coney Island than Monster Island.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Landon shook his head as he stared at the strip of land across the way. It seemed the apartment complex opened to a nice view of Witch Island … and it resembled an over-the-top amusement park. “How is that an island?”
“It’s surrounded by water,” Thistle said dryly.
“It’s surrounded by like ten feet of water on every side,” Landon argued, stepping forward. He grabbed a stick from the ground and shoved it in the water, frowning when it hit bottom right away. “Like two feet of water deep to boot.”
“At least we don’t have to take a boat ride,” Clove said philosophically. “I get seasick sometimes.”
“Yes, it would be truly tragic to ride ten feet on a boat,” Landon drawled. “Come on. Let’s see what Witch Island holds.” He gripped my hand tighter as we stepped into the water. I wasn’t thrilled about getting my shoes wet, but there didn’t seem to be an easier way to arrive at our destination.
Once on the other side, I took the opportunity to study the area. The spot to our right looked like an amusement park. The area to our left looked like a spa on steroids. There were mud baths, people frolicking in the mud baths, and waitresses walking around with alcoholic drinks and snacks to tempt the frolickers.
“This isn’t the island on Lost by any stretch of the imagination,” Sam noted. “It’s more like a little kid’s idea of what an island should be.”
I shifted so I could look over my shoulder and found the apartment complex was gone. We were now literally on an island; all we could see in any direction was water. “Has anyone noticed that it’s as if we’re stuck in a Lego video game?”
The question caught my companions off guard.
“What do you mean?” Clove asked.
“No, she’s right.” Landon stared at the spot where the apartment complex used to be. “The locations are on top of each other and there are times you can only go forward instead of back. It’s like a video game.”
“You can roam freely in Lego video games,” Sam pointed out.
“Not always, and the first time through a Lego video game you often can’t go back,” Landon said. “Aunt Tillie has been playing that new Marvel game the past few weeks. I’ve been watching her. She was complaining about not being able to roam the way she wanted. She said the people at Marvel were trying to put her on a leash.”
“If only,” Thistle muttered.
That sounded about right. “I don’t know that it’s important. I just found it interesting.”
“It’s another insight into how her brain works,” Landon agreed. “Speaking of her brain … .” His eyes landed on the row of amusement park games. “I don’t even know what to say about this freaking island. Where do you think we should start?”
“I’m not sure.” I glanced toward the romantic mud pits, quickly jerking my eyes away when I realized the couple in the nearest pit were in the middle of making out in something of a feverish way, hands and tongues flying in every different direction. “I think we should start at the amusement park.”
“Why?” Landon looked to the spot where I’d stared moments before. “Oh, right. Why don’t they get stopped by a music montage?”