“Oh, how is that even possible?” Landon whined. “You weren’t pregnant twenty seconds ago.”
“I am now.” Sandy’s eyes narrowed until they resembled something straight out of a horror movie. “If you think you’re going to have a happily ever after with your beloved Echo Waters, think again. You might not love me, but I won’t allow you to be the one who leaves.”
“Oh, I’ve had enough of this.” Landon grabbed my hand. “Come on, sweetie, we’re done with this.”
Curiosity kept me from strolling away. I had a feeling this scene wasn’t quite finished.
“I never told you the truth about me, Jericho,” Sandy hissed. “My grandmother was more than just a surgeon; she was an innovator. That means she knew how to save herself when the time came.”
Landon rubbed his forehead, resigned. “I don’t even want to know what’s about to happen. I know it’s going to suck.”
“My grandmother wasn’t really my grandmother when she performed her first brain transplant,” Sandy continued. “She was really my grandfather, because he’s the one who transplanted his own brain into my grandmother’s body … and this was long before he told anyone about the procedure because it was untested and could’ve led to something catastrophic.”
Someone theatrically gasped, although I was fairly certain it wasn’t anyone in our group. “How did he conduct his own brain transplant?” I was understandably confused.
“He was a genius. That means he had no limitations.”
“That’s not really what that means,” Thistle pointed out. “I think there would have to be limitations on doing your own brain transplant.”
“That hardly matters,” Sandy said. “He did it. He put his brain in my grandmother’s body. Even though it was necessary to prolong his life, he refused to be responsible for my grandmother’s death. Do you know what that means?”
“That this is a stupid world,” Landon answered.
Sandy ignored him. “My grandfather kept my grandmother alive, feeding her brain and hiding it in a jar so no one could see it.”
“How do you feed a brain?” Sam asked. “Does it have a mouth no one knows about?”
“It’s a family secret,” Sandy replied. “Six months ago, I was in a car accident. You remember, right, Jericho? You sat vigil by my bedside for five whole minutes.”
“I’ll take your word for it,” Landon said dryly.
“I was brain dead, but my grandfather kept it to himself,” Sandy explained. “He had an idea.”
“Oh, this is about to go to a bad horror movie place,” Sam offered. “I’m just warning you now.”
“My grandfather transplanted my grandmother’s brain into my body, and she was finally free to reclaim her life,” Sandy announced.
“If that’s true, why do you keep referring to them as ‘grandmother’ and ‘grandfather’?” Thistle asked.
“I have to keep up the ruse,” Sandy said. “It’s important that no one ever know.”
“So that explains why you told us,” Landon muttered. “Well, Sandy – or whatever your name is – that’s a lovely story. I’m sorry you’ve been through so much.”
“And now I’m pregnant,” Sandy said. “How do you expect me to explain carrying your baby to my husband, whose brain is really in my old body?”
“I would suggest having a fifth of bourbon on hand when you do it,” Landon replied without hesitation. “Come on, Bay. I can’t listen to this ridiculous crap for one second longer. In fact … .”
He didn’t get a chance to finish, because a hilarious – although I think she was trying to be menacing – figure appeared in the doorway.
It was Margaret Little. I would recognize her anywhere. Back in Hemlock Cove she was Aunt Tillie’s nemesis. Here it appeared she was going to be Sandy’s grandfather … er, grandmother … er, I wasn’t quite sure which. Ultimately it didn’t matter. I knew we had to listen to that story for a reason, and the reason was standing right in front of us.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Mrs. Little hissed. She looked demented, as if she’d stepped off a horror movie film reel or something. The only thing she was missing was a neon sign that declared her “batshit crazy” hovering above her head. “We’re not done here.”
“Oh, I can’t even … .” Landon looked weary as he dropped his forehead into his hand. “Why is this happening?”
“We really should’ve seen this coming,” Thistle noted. “There was no way we were going to get out of this world without seeing all of Aunt Tillie’s enemies. It’s too much fun for her to use their likenesses when it comes to stuff like this.”
“I think that means we’re nowhere near being done,” I said. “You just know we’re going to see Aunt Willa and Rosemary before it’s all said and done.”
“And probably Lila, too,” Clove said. “Still … Mrs. Little makes a fabulous woman with a man’s brain in her body. I think it was inspired casting.”
Thistle nodded sagely. “Yes, I’m impressed, too.”
“Stop talking,” Landon snapped. “I don’t want to be in this scene any longer. It’s ridiculous. Brain transplants aren’t real.”
“Oh, they’re real,” Sandy intoned, rubbing her protruding belly. If it was even possible, she looked bigger than she had seconds before. “Our baby will be here soon, Jericho. Prepare yourself to be a father.”
“I’m not watching that,” Landon announced. “It’s not going to happen. If that old bat thinks I’m watching this … .”
“You watched me being born once,” I reminded him. “You liked that.”
“Because it was you and I didn’t focus too hard on your mother’s lady parts in that memory,” Landon shot back. “Seeing you born was magical. Seeing whatever happens here is going to be gross, goofy and too much for me to take.”
He had a point. “Okay. We’ll keep going.”
“Oh, you’re not going to keep going,” Mrs. Little announced. “I won’t allow it. I have plans for all of you.”
“What kind of plans?” Sam asked. “Are you going to transplant our brains, too? If so, I want to look like George Clooney when you’re done.”
“Oh, that’s a really great choice,” Clove enthused. “I love George Clooney.”
“You love me more, right?”
Clove nodded without hesitation. “Absolutely.”
“Stop talking!” Mrs. Little bellowed. “You’re ruining the moment.”
“Yeah, we’re not participating in the moment,” Landon announced, grabbing my hand and dragging me away from the crazy people in the center of the hallway. “We have someplace to be. It was lovely seeing the both of you. We’ll have to meet for coffee eventually … at a time far, far down the road.”
“I won’t let you escape,” Mrs. Little shrieked, raising her hand to show off what looked to be a wicked-looking scalpel. “It’s time to create a different world!”
My mouth dropped open as Mrs. Little raced forward. “Are we in a horror movie now?”
No one answered. No one had time to answer. Out of nowhere, a fissure opened in the hallway – one that barely offered any shake or sound – and Mrs. Little dropped into it before she even got close to us.
“What was that?” Landon practically exploded as he raced forward and stared into the crevice. “This is like a huge crack. It goes down hundreds of feet.”
“I think this happened on General Hospital,” Clove noted. “One of the supervillains had a son and he was hidden in a crack beneath the hospital for decades. I remember Aunt Tillie saying that she would totally like to hide her enemies in a crack beneath Hemlock Cove.”
“I guess she finally got her chance,” I supplied, shaking my head. “That was weird, huh?”
“You’re just now getting that?” Landon challenged.
“It was totally weird,” Thistle confirmed. “It was still kind of fun. Although … is anybody worried that Aunt Tillie might really try to transplant her brain into someone else’s body so she never dies? That totally sounds like something she would do.”
It was a ridiculous thought, and yet … . “We’ll make sure she doesn’t have any creepy brain jars in her room when we get out of this.”
Thistle nodded, solemn. “Good plan.”